Page 73 of Dev Girl

She rested more weight against me. “Always.”

It was going to hurt to leave. Me. Her. Maddox. I didn’t want any of that. I hated that anyone caused her—them—pain, and now I was going to be guilty of the same.

I still didn’t know how to make it so all three of us won, though.

22

Maddox

Feeling something would be bad.

Except I was already feeling everything, and I wanted more than anything to be numb. Fear. Confusion. Frustration. Rage. Impotence.

All of it beat down on me until my mind was flooded with the onslaught.

After more than five hours of eternity, someone called, “Haddar.”

I jerked my head up to see a man in scrubs and a surgical hat standing in the waiting room doorway. A glance at Xander confirmed he was moving, and I mimicked his actions, falling into step beside him to join the doctor.

We were assured that Dad made it through surgery all right, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. He’d be here for at least a few more days while they monitored him. He was in a recovery room now, and a nurse would come and get us in about half an hour. But we wouldn’t be allowed to stay long tonight. We could come back tomorrow for a real visit.

The doctor left, and Xander told the others what was going on. His expression barely shifted the entire time. He was cool and in control.

I hated him for it.

I almost lost my dad today. The thought bounced in my head as I sat with Alys and Onyx again. It repeated and hammered and refused to go away.

I was about to lose Onyx. Not in the same way, but he was still leaving, and I couldn’t…

There was nothing I could do about it, the same way I couldn’t do anything about Dad. Or Mom.

The last thing I needed was to spiral into a pit of despair, so I settled for focusing on the pressure and heat of Alys resting her hand on my leg.

And then we waited. Time ticking away. Stricken. In the land of confusion. Stupefied. Trying to ignore the voices, as we drifted into the night, listening to the voices with a prayer to not be haunted…

Great. My stress was a Disturbed discography.

“Haddar.” A new person in scrubs called out the name. Had it been half an hour already?

Xander and I joined him, and he shook his head. “Only one of you can see him,” the nurse said. “He asked for Xander.”

Fucking… Of course. Why did I expect anything else? I turned away.

Xander grabbed my arm, and forced me to look at him. “You showed up. That’s what matters.”

Why the fuck…? “Is it? Would he have shown for me?” Not the path I wanted to go down, but I’d set foot on it, I might as well keep going. “History says no. Or maybe if I had a fucking heart attack it would prove I was worth—”

“You are always worth it.” Xander talked over me.

“Fuck you. Don’t after school special me.”

Xander handed me a hotel key card. “Dom got an extra room, in case you want to stay close. If Alys or Onyx needs a ride back, he can drop them off and come back here.”

“Does it make you feel better?” I asked before I knew what the question meant.

“What?”

“Pretending you’re in control, even now? Because you’re not.” I shouldn’t take this out on him, but he was the closest thing I had to a target.

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