Page 100 of Fierce

“Ohhh…uhhh…” Karen was fumbling for the plastic bowl, heaving herself to her elbows, and I held her head as she was sick. Nothing to come up, because she hadn’t been able to keep anything down all day.

I helped her get comfortable again when the sickness had passed, picked up the bowl, and handed her a water bottle. “Try to sip, sweetie,” I coaxed. “Tiny sips. You need to stay hydrated.”

“Make him go away,” she moaned.

“I will,” I promised. “Right now. You rest. I’ll be right back.”

I carried the bowl out of the bedroom, but Hemi had already left. He’d retreated the moment he saw Karen, and I knew why. Because that was way too much real life for him. It was too much for me, too, but I didn’t get to choose.

“What—” he began.

“Give me a minute.” I wanted to tell him to leave, that I didn’t need this, not today. But my job...

So instead, I forced my feet to move to the kitchen sink to wash out the bowl, and didn’t speak to him until I’d returned it to Karen’s side, had seen her resting again, her eyes closed. She’d sleep now, I hoped.

When I came back out into the living room, Hemi was standing there, staring out the window at the brick wall across the air shaft. At nothing.

He turned at my approach. “What’s going on with Karen? This is why you haven’t been at work?”

I sank onto the couch. “Yes. But I told Martine. Is she really...is my job in jeopardy?”

He sat beside me, and I wished he’d hold my hand and knew he couldn’t, and that made it so much worse, somehow. Even though it didn’t matter, not anymore.

“No,” he said. “Your job’s OK, now that I know. I’ll tell Martine. But what’s wrong with Karen? The migraines worse?”

I passed a hand across my forehead and tried to think straight, tried to climb out of the fog of worry that had clouded my mind for the past two days. “I guess. I guess it’s migraines. But it’s...it’s really bad now.”

“She needs a specialist.” He was frowning. “Why isn’t she seeing one?”

“I took her to the doctor yesterday.” I wished I didn’t sound so defensive. Did he really understand so little of what life was like for regular people? “Of course I did. They need to do a CT scan, they said, and maybe an MRI, and who knows what else. And, yes, she needs to see a neurologist for that. All kinds of things, and it’s thousands of dollars, and I can’t even charge it, because I don’t have the credit limit. I have to wait until my new insurance kicks in, because I can’t…” I had to stop for a minute to get hold of myself. “It’s only another week, but I’m not sure I can keep my job for another week like this, and I’m...”

I blinked the tears back. Be strong. You can be strong. I took a deep breath and continued. “They won’t do it until I get the preauthorization from the insurance. So...I don’t want to ask you. It’s the last thing I want to do. But I need my job. Please. I’ll work doubly hard afterwards. I’ll work from home, if Martine will let me. I asked, but she said no. But...please. I need the insurance, at least. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Why didn’t you ask me for help? Why didn’t you even tell me?”

“Because I…I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk...I broke up with you, Hemi.”

“You think I’m that kind of bastard? That I’d take the chance to have you sacked? That I wouldn’t help you, just because you don’t want to sleep with me anymore?”

I was shaking. I couldn’t deal with this, too. Not on top of everything else. It was too much. “I don’t...I don’t know,” I managed to say. “I’m sorry. I can’t—”

“Oh, bloody hell.” And then he’d pulled me into his arms, and I was shaking against him and not crying. Taking deep breaths and pulling myself together, because I couldn’t afford to let go.

I sat up again, finally, moved away from him, tried to get a grip. “I’m all right.” It had to be true. No choice. “I just need a week. One week. Please. If you can give me some assignments, so I can get paid, because I don’t have any sick leave, either, and there’s rent, and...” I swallowed. “If Marketing needs any help, or anybody. Proofreading copy, or spreadsheets, or anything. I’ll do whatever there is. I wouldn’t ask, but I don’t have any choice.”

“No worries,” he said. I tried to read his expression and couldn’t come close, but it didn’t matter, did it? “We’ll get that sorted. And Josh will call you about an appointment for Karen as well. We’ll find out what this is, and we’ll fix it.”

“But why?” I was still shaking. I knew it was weak, but I couldn’t help it. “I’m...sorry. Thank you. I’ve been pretty...pretty desperate. I didn’t know what to do. But why? Why would you help me?”

“Because—” He broke off, then shrugged. “Because I can. Because it needs to be done.” He stood up, and I rose with him. “I’ll let you get back to Karen.”

I wanted him to hold me, and I knew I couldn’t ask him to. That it wasn’t possible. That that wasn’t what we had, no matter how much it felt like it. He’d help me for some reason of his own. Or because that was what he did. I knew that, too. But he wouldn’t love me.

I was right. He didn’t hold me. Instead, he put out a hand and touched my cheek for a moment, and his eyes weren’t hard anymore.

“Try not to worry,” he said. “You’ll keep your job, and we’ll get Karen sorted. You’ll see.”

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