Page 56 of Pay for Your Lies

I may be closer to cracking her than I thought.

“I’ve never been in love and I never plan on being in love.” I tell her, doing her the kindness of not investigating any further why this concept annoys her so much.

That gets her attention.

She turns back towards me, her eyes narrowed as they take me in.

“You don’t believe in love?” Her dubious tone meant to convey how ridiculous she finds that thought.

“No, I believe in it. I’ve seen just how powerful love can be.” I tell her, my tone bordering on reminiscent. “But I think it’s a soft point, a weakness. To hand over your heart to someone who lives in such an easily breakable shell, who’s so easy to kill and walking around in a world this dangerous. You give your everything to that person and they die and you’re left with nothing. Not even the person you were before.” I tell her. “I went through that once with my parents, I don’t want to ever go through it again.”

Her mouth flattens, the look on her face empathetic as she looks at me. “I understand why you’d feel that way, but you can’t go through life avoiding love because you’re afraid of losing it. I imagine there’d be just as much pain in doing that.”

“I can live with that kind of dull pain. Having to live without another person I love might actually kill me."

I look away, almost embarrassed at having been so vulnerable. Much more so than admitting I hadn’t been able to go to the library.

“Anyway, this is all just hypothetical. Like I said, I’ve never been in love. Never even come close.”

She nods slowly, chewing on her lips thoughtfully. “Why did you say that stuff at the party then?”

I pretend to think and see if I can remember, but I know exactly what she’s talking about. When I’d told her just what I thought about the asshole she had waiting for her back home.

“About your boyfriend being an idiot for letting you leave without him?” I ask.

She nods.

“Because you’re not being loved correctly and you deserve to be.”

“Got it.”

“I can’t help you with that, but I can at least fuck you better.”

Those were probably the wrong words but I couldn’t phrase them more eloquently.

Her spine snaps straight, every vertebrae locking into position as she pierces me with an irked look.

“You want me to break up with my boyfriend who I love… just so I can fuck you with no commitment? Am I getting that right?” She asks, sarcasm dripping from her lips.

I growl at her casual proclamation of love for her boyfriend.

“I want you. The thought of him touching you makes me want to rip his fingernails off one by one before I move on to his toenails, and I think I’ve been very clear about that.” I say before continuing, “And I know you want me too, even if you won’t admit it. Give in to the feelings I know you’ve been fighting since you got here. Break up with him and let me be your rebound.”

At that exact moment, the doors of the elevator open and a firefighter peeks his head inside.

“Bonjour,” He says, “Vous allez bien?”

“Oui.” I answer, telling him that we’re both alright. He exits, probably to get some equipment.

I look back at Thayer who stands there, wordlessly.

“Let me give you a lift.” I tell her.

The firefighter comes back, this time dropping a small two step ladder that we can use to climb out of the elevator. “Alright.” He says, this time in English. “Mademoisellefirst.”

I’m still waiting for her to answer me.

She shakes her head, avoiding my eyes. “No, thanks. I’ll find my own way.”

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