Page 191 of A Fire in the Flesh

“Which means I already have the answer.” His chest rose with a stilted breath, and then he was directly in front of me, his fingers gently touching my cheeks. “Everything I did was to prevent this from happening. Everything.”

“I know,” I whispered.

A faint tremor hit his hands. “Yet I still failed you. I’m so sorry, Sera.”

My heart constricted as a knot of sorrow formed in my throat. “You did not fail me, Ash. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But I do. I failed you before you even took your first step into the Shadowlands.”

I grasped his wrists. “How can you even say that? When you turned me down as your Consort, you did it to protect me. You made that deal with Veses to keep me unknown to Kolis. There was no way for you to know he was aware of me the whole time.”

“I’m not talking about that, Sera. I’m…”

I searched his features. “Then what?”

Closing his eyes, he shook his head. “We need to get cleaned up. We’ll talk more about this later.”

“But—”

“Later,” he insisted, dropping a kiss onto my forehead. His eyes, now open, shone like stars. “Right now, I…I just need to take care of you. Please?”

There wouldn’t be much of a later, but he’d said please, and I couldn’t refuse him. I nodded.

“Thank you.”

Those two roughly spoken words made my chest squeeze even tighter. I held still as he brushed my hair over one shoulder and found the clasp of my gown at the nape of my neck. The bodice immediately loosened. Out of reflex, I caught it by folding an arm across my chest.

His fingers halted their movements. “I just want to take care of you,” he repeated. “That is all, Sera. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is expected of you.”

It took me a moment to understand what he meant—what he was really saying. He hadn’t brought me here for any other purpose than what he claimed. To give us some time alone and to clean up. And this alone time didn’t involve anything of a sensual nature. A warring mix of emotions rose inside me. There was the swelling feeling of love in response to his thoughtfulness and awareness, but there was also a feeling of…of my skin and body not being mine. A soul-deep fear that Ash no longer saw me as the Sera he knew before Kolis took me because I had no idea what he knew. What he’d been told. But he’d definitely been told something. He’d appeared aware of the deal I’d made to free him. Did he know about the one I’d struck for Rhain’s life?

“Sera? Are you all right?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it. My toes curled as pressure clamped down on my chest and throat, more punishing than even Kolis’s hands.

“I can sense the tartness of your unease.” He tilted my head back. “You have nothing to fear from me. I promise. You’re safe.”

I shifted from one foot to the other. Despite the warmth of the cavern, tiny goose bumps broke out over my shoulders and upper arms. I didn’t want him to look at me differently. To think of me differently. I was still me. He saw that, right?

“Sera?” His gaze briefly dropped to where I held my dress. Only then did I feel the ache in my knuckles from how tightly I grasped the material. Shadows briefly appeared across his shoulders. “Would it be better if I didn’t touch you?”

I blinked. “W-what?”

“It won’t offend me.” The featherlight press of his fingers disappeared. “I just want to help you in whatever way you need.”

My heart started thumping. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to touch me?”

“You’ve…you’ve been through a lot,” he began.

And I…

I didn’t hear anything of what he said next as some writhing, crunching sensation filled every part of me, and I folded my other arm over my chest. Oh, gods, what did he know? What had he been told? What did he think? Panic clawed at my skin.

“I don’t know what you were told,” I said, having no idea if he’d been speaking then or not. A tremor went through me, then another and another. “But Kolis and I—I mean, he didn’t…” My teeth were starting to chatter. “Things didn’t escalate to that. I swear. He didn’t even really touch me.” Okay, that was a lie, but the rest wasn’t. “You don’t have to worry about touching me. I’m still me, you know?”

“I know you’re still you.” His dark brows lowered. “Sera—”

“Good, because I’m not…I don’t know.” My face felt like it was burning and freezing at the same time. “I’m not like…”

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