Page 66 of City of Gods

“Because I didn’t know who the fuck to trust.” I didn’t expect Junior to break into a fit of laughter but that was what he did.

“Wait, hold up. Little preacher’s kid Sanai was trying to pump Daniel for information when Rob got hit, wasn’t she?”

I gave a faux bashful nod and chuckled. “I just wanted to figure out who to trust.”

“So you’re fucking Sanai then?”

My brows snapped together in a frown but I moved quickly to relax my expression. “We’re messing around but she’s too good to let me hit,” I lied.

“That’s why Daniel said she was being stand-offish after the shooting. I thought she was just shook and maybe she is but she’s your girl.” After he ruminated for a few beats he said, “How do you know the rest of the Sinclairs aren’t in on this shit?”

“I didn’t know that until Sanai told me her mother picked up and left. Took all her shit and rolled. She didn’t say shit to Mr. Sinclair or any of the kids.”

“Fuck. She’s on the run?” Anger was palpable in his voice.

“Yeah. That’s why I came to you. If she’s trying to get into the drug game and bypass you, I figured you might know where to start looking. Sanai and I have no idea where to find her mother.”

“Who told her to run? Someone had to have tipped her off.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly what we were thinking. I know coming to you was risky and I don’t know what you believe or if you think you can trust me or not, but I just want to save the Temple and get some fucking revenge for Rob.” Saying his name took a bite out of me and it stung like a motherfucker.

Junior was quiet for a long while. Long enough to make sweat prick the back of my neck. When he finally spoke, I listened so hard my ears burned. “I trust you, Breeze. You never came to me with any bullshit before and I know your boy got killed. That’s not some shit you fake and it’s something you’d definitely want revenge for. So is fucking with your money. I don’t know what Sanai has to gain but if she’s down for you then I guess she wants to see things corrected.” He looked at me and said, “Does she know what’s going to happen to her mother if I find her?” The chill in the room was undeniable.

“Nah. She’s pretty innocent. I haven’t gone into detail. Just told her that we needed to find her mother to get this resolved. It’s putting me in a difficult situation.” I didn’t need to tell Junior that Sanai wanted to kill her mother. He didn’t need to know all of that. He only needed to know enough to help me start looking for her.

Junior nodded then sighed. “I can help you find her. It’s not going to be pretty, though, Breeze.”

“I know. Whatever happens, happens. She’s trying to come for my livelihood. I know she’s the reason Rob is dead. Nobody has to tell me who that bullet was meant for.” My jaw flexed as I pushed the words through gritted teeth.

“Let me see what I can do. If I can find her connect, I might be able to strike a deal and get him to out her. Money always talks. Remember that.” Junior stood to his feet and I did the same. We slapped hands and headed toward the front door. “Give me 48 hours and I’ll hit you up with some information. Try to keep your girl calm and out of the way. I don’t know what the other members of the Sinclair family are hiding so I’ll dig around and let you know. Hopefully, they all come up clean because I’d hate to wipe out the rest of your girl’s relatives.” Junior didn’t sound sorry at all, but I knew he wouldn’t be. I also knew he’d have to vet the rest of Sanai’s family on his own. I hoped like hell that their covers were as air-tight as Sanai said they were.

Fourteen

Isat in my small office inside Bellmore Baptist Church, trying to figure out a topic of study for Sunday school. My mind refused to focus. I couldn’t think about the bible or map out a lesson plan because I couldn’t stop thinking about Mother.

I replayed scene after scene from my childhood.

I saw myself learning how to shoot and waiting, dying inside for her approval when I hit my target every time. I never got it. I never got anything I needed from her except for the blueprint of how to be a ruthless killer. How to give my all to the family business. How to become a vessel for chaos.

“Hey, you okay in here, Sanai?” Zee’s voice was like a life raft saving me from a sea of intrusive thoughts. I blinked a few times then nodded, motioning for her to come in and have a seat.

There wasn’t much room in my cramped office, but it helped me look the part. We couldn’t be seen operating out of large, flashy offices when we were supposed to be for the community. The offerings we got from our parishioners were supposed to be fed back into the churches our family-owned. While we were allowed a small space to be appropriately flashy, we were careful not to go overboard.

“I can’t concentrate. I keep trying but it’s like nothing wants to be inside of my head but Mother,” Zee said. Her voice reeked of frustration, and I related on such a deep level that the only way I could respond was to nod solemnly.

“I thought it would be easy to keep up our normal appearances, but this shit is hard. I can’t even come up with a lesson plan,” I confessed, letting my head drop into my hands.

“Father is managing just fine, but I guess he always knew at some point he might have to kill his wife.” She looked at me, her beautiful, tilted eyes scanning mine, trying to read me. “I know you said you were fine with what needed to be done, Nai but…are you?” Her head tipped to one side. I shrugged and crossed my legs under the desk.

“I’m as okay as I can be. Mother wasn’t the same kind of mom to me as she was to you, Eli, and Ken. All that keeps replaying in my mind is how I got shut out around every corner while y'all got everything I was looking for.”

“It was a head game,” she replied coolly. “That’s the conclusion I’ve come to. The same way she pitted me and you against Eli and Ken. She isolated you and starved you of affection and approval.”

My throat tightened listening to her lay it all out so casually, like it was a puzzle she’d finally figured out. Maybe it was. She wasn’t even looking at me as she spoke. She was staring off somewhere I couldn’t see.

“You think my entire upbringing was a fucking head game?” I asked, frustration bleeding into my words.

“I do. Why not? She shunned you all your life and now look at you, Sanai. You’re a fucking beast like Grandfather always said you were. You’re the best shooter, you’re the most cutthroat, you’re the one willing to do what needs to be done while me, Eli, and Ken are lamenting our piece of shit mother for reasons we don’t even understand.”

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