Page 7 of Lust

Rage courses through my veins, and all of it is directed at Felix. When will I be seen as a woman enough, so people like him stop trying to expose me at every chance they get? Hell, I’d be happy just being seen as human. It's as if he takes pleasure in revealing my dead name to others. I've spent my entire life defending my identity to people who didn't even know me. I always knew I was a woman; it wasn't a sudden revelation or a radical change later in life. Yet, to those around me, my gender transition seemed like a massive upheaval. They don’t understand that I didn't change my gender; I only embraced my true self outwardly.

The difference between my appearance and who I am is lost on Felix, and it's infuriating. That's why I still can't fully feel at peace. People like Felix Barclay will never let me be, and their constant harassment keeps me from fully embracing who I really am.

I run my hand over my flat belly and cringe at what I told everyone earlier. I’ve never told anyone about wanting to be a mom. No one, not my friends in life and not Juliette and Quinn in death. It was my secret, but there’s something so compelling about Noémi, it just all came out. So now I’ll have to deal with more of Felix’s shit.

Beside me, my Hell Cell beeps. I pick it up to find a text from Juliette. Despite everything, I smile when I read it.

HE’S A SLIMY TOAD. DON’T LET HIM GET TO YOU. QUINN AND I ARE HAVING LUNCH IN THE RESTAURANT. COME JOIN US.

I look back up at my reflection. Confidence stares back at me, hiding the mess I feel inside. Ignoring the clothes on the floor, I head to the wardrobe. I’d noticed new clothes in it when I checked it out earlier, but now I have time to find an outfit that says ‘fuck off’ to the world.

My wardrobe is a crafter’s paradise with a sewing machine at the far end and swathes of fabulous fabrics. I can’t wait to get to work, making my own clothes again, but this time with everything I need to hand. Until then I find a dress that flairs out, giving me the appearance of hips, and sling it on over my head. I pull my hair into a high pony tail, smudge some pink lip gloss over my lips, pull on another set of panties, blow a kiss to my reflection and head out the door.

I find Juliette exactly where she said she’d be, hidden behind a stack of heart-shaped pancakes dripping with pink syrup.

“My thirteen-year-old self would have died for this place,” I remark as I take a seat opposite. She appears from behind the stack of pancakes with a banana, which is undeniably in the shape of a penis.

“Would your thirteen-year-old self have loved this?” she says before ramming it down her throat. A couple of men I’ve never met ogle at her from the next table over.

“Must you?” I grab a pancake and take a bite. It’s way too sickly sweet.

“Please tell me you’re eating something better than this,” I say to Quinn and push the pancakes to one side.

“Not exactly.”

I look down at what can only be described as a sex party on her plate. She’s got tomato slices representing boobs with olive nipples, bacon crudely shaped as a woman’s body, with a hole cut in the lower part of it for a sausage that’s been pushed half through. The other end of the sausage is more bacon shaped like a man. Both the figures have half a boiled egg, each representing their heads. Finally, artfully placed basil makes their arms and legs.

I raise my upper lip and furrow my brows. “What the heck did you order? Breakfast Orgy?”

Quinn shrugs. “I ordered a cooked breakfast, and this is what they brought me. At least the demons here bring me real food. In Purgatory, all they served me was maggots, so I’m calling this a win.”

She spears the man’s head and eats it in one bite.

I shrivel my nose up. “I’m calling it an abomination.”

Thankfully, a waiter appears next to me. He’s dressed in a very dubious outfit that’s skin tight and shows off a rather large bulge. Juliette laughs as I divert my eyes away.

“How can I be of service, Ms. Bagshott?”

Juliette raises her eyebrows and gives me a disgusting grin.

“I’ll have eggs on toast, and for all that is holy, don’t make it in the shape of two people doing it. I want to be able to keep my food down, thanks.”

“She doesn’t like to swallow,” Juliette teases. I throw her a dark stare as the waiter disappears.

Seconds later, he’s back. Juliette and Quinn fade into fits of giggles as I’m handed over my breakfast that is unmistakably in the shape of a six and a nine.

“I should have asked for a sixty-nine from him,” Juliette sighs when he disappears once again. “Oh, did you see Noémi’s assistants?”

“See them? They took up half the room.” I pull at my breakfast, making it look more like actual breakfast than a still of a weird porn movie. “They were pretty hard to miss. I noticed they didn’t say a word. Men who look like that spend all their time in a gym and probably don’t have a collective brain cell between them.”

“Oh pish.” Juliette waves her hand in a dismissive way. “I have literally never seen anyone so utterly gorgeous in my life, and there are two of them. Oh, what if they are brothers? Twins! I’ve always wanted to do it with twins!”

I’m going to give my eyes a hernia with all the rolling they are going through. “Apart from the vacant looks on their faces and the muscles on muscles, they didn’t look anything like each other.”

“They’re demons,” Quinn points out. “I could feel their aura a mile away. Noémi’s too.”

“Who else thinks Noémi is a bit… weird?”

---