Page 44 of Lust

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DAMN YOU VALENTINE

QUINN

My heart thumps as I catch my breath outside Dade’s room. Tentatively, I raise my hand and knock on his door. As is his way, he doesn’t answer.

“Dade. It’s me.” I’m surprised when the door opens a crack.

His eyes darken as he takes me in. “What do you want?”

Damn, this is going to be harder than I expected. “Can I come in?”

I wait for the expected refusal, but achingly slowly, he opens his door just wide enough for me to slip through. His eyes follow me, making me feel self-conscious as I step past him. His aura is calm and surprisingly a comfort as I head into the dimly lit room. He can say what he likes to me, but I can always trust his aura.

His room is once again covered in hand-drawn sketches of the people that inhabit this tower. “These are beautiful,” I say pointlessly. I take my time looking from one to the other to put off the real reason I’m here. There are pictures of Juliette smiling, Anthura sneering, and he’s caught Rowena perfectly. She looks so sad, as though she’s just been told she has to partner up with Felix. He’s captured Felix’s haughty expression, too. In fact, he’s drawn every contestant with one notable exception. I don’t want to ask him why I’m not up there too, because I already know the answer. I didn’t trust him and I hurt him. I know he didn’t kill Michael and Lucia. I’ve always known. Evidence kept being thrown in my face and I chose to believe it, but deep down I was making that choice because I was scared.

“Why are you here, Quinn?” His voice is deep and gravelly.

I’m forced to turn and look at him. He holds beauty like no one else I’ve ever met, and dark though it may be, I can see right into his soul.

I lower my eyes to cut off my gaze from him. My eyes fall on a small blue marble that I recognize as a key to the lower level of the tower. I run my finger over it. “I came to apologize to you.”

Dade sighs. “I do not require an apology from you.”

“No.” I say. The word comes out in a whisper. “I know you don’t, but I want to give it to you.”

“We have done this before and it has not changed anything.” His voice is hard and scary, but I won’t let him throw me out. I don’t want to go. Even though I’m nervous and making a mess of everything again, I can’t leave this room before I’ve said what I came to say. I lick my lips and walk over to him. My heart feels like it’s being squeezed as I keep my gaze locked with his. I’m transfixed with those black eyes of his. No one has ever held me the way he’s doing now, and he’s not even touching me.

I take in a deep breath. “If you won’t accept my apology, then please accept my thanks.”

He looks confused. “You have no need to thank me either, Valentine.”

I throw my hands up in the air. “You manacled yourself to a wall for me. You put yourself through a living hell to stop yourself from hurting me.”

“I did that for me,” he says. I know he’s lying.

I shake my head softly. “You didn’t want to hurt me, so you made the decision to hurt yourself instead.”

His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and behind him his wings ruffle slightly.

The tension between us is palpable and I realize I’ve once again stepped too close to the all-consuming flame that is Dade Angelis. I should have remembered how impossible it was to stand so close to him and not kiss him. As though he can read my mind, his eyes flick down to my lips for the briefest of seconds before returning to my eyes. He wants to kiss me, too. I know it. I see his rising desire in his expression and I can feel it in his aura.

“I’m part demon, Valentine. I’m not a human anymore. You can’t pretend away these wings, this tail. You can’t pretend my humanity has not been stripped away from me piece by piece, just as my skin was.” He looks so sad, I forget my desire for a moment and want to kiss him just to change the awful haunted expression on his face.

I lick my lips. “And yet, despite everything, you were the only one who willingly sacrificed points rather than violate their partner in the last trial. I can’t believe that any of those so-called 'humans' demonstrated such compassion for their partners. You aren’t the demon you think you are. The tail and wings are part of your body, but they aren’t a part of who you are.” My voice is hoarse, wrecked by emotion.

“Damn you, Valentine. Why do you continue to do this?” He steps back and the spell is broken. I feel his aura darkening around us. “Didn’t it occur to you that maybe I just didn’t want to fuck you and I’d rather chain myself to a wall to avoid that?”

A sharp inhale catches in my throat as my heart clenches with pain. “Wow.” I turn to leave. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’m dating Remy and you’re obviously doing just fine.” My words tumble out in a hurried, almost inaudible rush. Tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision as I race toward the door. Why does this hurt so damn much? I thought I was past caring about Dade.

Fuck, that’s not true. Not even remotely.

“Valentine,” Dade's voice pierces the air as I grasp the door handle and yank open the door, my back turned to him. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing how deeply he's wounded me. Stillness overtakes me, my hand resting on the door frame. In front of me, the stained glass woman being fucked by a demon’s tail is still moaning silently in ecstasy. I close my eyes as Dade’s hand touches my shoulder.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.” His words come, laced with genuine remorse, which makes it all seem worse somehow. “I didn’t mean it.”

I edge my shoulder away from his touch, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside. “Yes, but you did, and it’s fine. I don’t want to fuck you either.”

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