Page 39 of Lust

I clamp my hand to my mouth to stop any noise from escaping. He’s sleep-talking about me giving him a blowjob!

Holy shit!

He lets out a low groan at the same time I let out a long breath between my fingers. Felix Barclay is having a sex dream about me and judging by the low grunts emanating from him, he’s enjoying it.

This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so bad. If he wakes up and remembers his dream while he’s still here and I’m watching him, I might as well stick a knife right into my heart now. I know men like Felix. Terrified of anything impacting their own image. Terrified of their own feelings. I want to kick him again, but I know this is not the time. The best thing I can do is close my eyes and pretend I can’t hear any of it.

I watch him, barely seeing him in the darkness. He looks happy. I’ve seen many expressions on his face, mostly ones of disgust or condescension, but I think this is the first sincere smile I’ve seen cross his face. I want to reach out and touch his face. Horror fills me at the thought. He’d probably chew my hand off if he knew what I’m thinking. What I’m about to do. It’s like putting a honey coated hand in a bear’s cage and prodding its ass, but I can’t help myself. I want to touch someone without them looking at me like I’m an alien. I want to touch Felix and not have him recoil in disgust.

I want to touch Felix.

Oh my god, I want to touch Felix.

It’s like some perverse urge, but I can’t keep my hand from reaching out. I stroke the back of my finger down his cheek. My heart is thumping in my chest the whole time, afraid that he’ll wake up. He stirs slightly but doesn’t wake. His skin is softer than it looks and the illicitness of what I’m doing, or the danger in what I’m doing, is more exciting than when I sucked his cock earlier. Because then he couldn’t do anything. Then he had to take what I gave, but here in my room, I have no safety net. Maybe that’s why touching him is thrilling me in ways it shouldn’t.

I run my finger down until I reach stubble. Felix is usually clean shaven, but he’s not shaved today. Feeling braver than I should and fueled by a desire I’ve not felt before, I run my thumb over his lips.

“Rowena?”

I pull back sharply and turn over in bed, holding my breath. My chest is bursting before I breathe out. Low snores tell me he was still talking in his sleep.

I check my portal. It’s five thirty am. I don’t usually get up until seven, but I know there’s no way I’m going to get any more sleep tonight. I’ve gotten way too close to the fire and somehow managed to not get burned. I was lucky. I quietly get out of bed and tiptoe to the closet where I dress as quietly as I can. After brushing my teeth and running a brush through my hair. I turn back to look at Felix. He’s still sleeping. I fill a glass of water and leave it next to him and then, as an afterthought, find two painkillers in my bag which I leave beside the water. Then I untie him. It will solve the problem of how to get him out of my room. Once he wakes up and sees where he is, he’ll get himself out. I don’t need to be here when he does it.

21

YOU’VE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY

QUINN

My bed feels awfully empty as I wake up alone. Last night was an antidote to what happened in the Earthery with Dade. A palate cleanser between courses of torture and stress, but not even that was enough to persuade me to invite Remy into my room. I close my eyes and try to remember the night, but the image of Dade’s agonized face is at the forefront of my mind and I know that no matter how many dinners I have with Remy, it won’t erase what happened yesterday. I open my eyes in a desperate attempt to rid my thoughts of Dade, and when that doesn’t help; I hop into the shower. Remy’s clothes are still on the floor, folded neatly. After I’m showered, I pick up his t-shirt and inhale, hoping that will do something to sway my persistent brain away from the one topic I really want to extinguish from it. When that doesn’t work, I fold it back up, brush my long hair and braid it, before getting dressed. From the bathroom I hear my Hell Cell signal a message.

A quick check lets me know that there’s another briefing in the lounge in an hour. I know I still have a chance to be in the top ten and therefore get to the next circle. As I make to put the Hell Cell down, another message comes through. It’s from Remy.

I HAD A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT, BEAUTIFUL

I allow myself an indulgent smile. Last night was lovely, except for the brief interlude where Felix turned up and spent ten minutes trying to paw my leg whilst talking crap about Rowena. I don’t want to think about Felix Barclay, so I shift my mind back to Remy. He groveled last night and I think he was sincere. It wasn’t enough for me to want to invite him back into my bed. Not when Dade was still taking up way too much of my head space, but it was a start.

My heart skips a beat as it always does as I step out onto the platform, but I’m not going to let my fear of heights get in my way today. Whatever Noémi has in store for me, I can take it.

Even if it does mean doing it with Dade.

I ignore the little voice in the back of my head. I’ll have to talk to him at some point about what happened in the Earthery, but it can wait.

As the platform passes the second floor, Felix opens a door and steps out, faltering when he sees me. My eyes lock with his as I try to process what I’m seeing. Felix’s room is on the eighth floor somewhere, I’m sure of it. My eyes follow him as the platform goes lower, and it’s only when I reach the bottom floor that I realize who’s room he was leaving.

Rowena’s!

Felix. In Rowena's room! The venom that dripped from his words as he discussed her lingers vividly from last night. Without stepping off the platform, I stamp down on the button that will take me back up. An icy shiver dances down my spine as I absorb the sight of Felix's shifty expression and his disheveled appearance. His eyes are tinged red, no doubt from the alcohol he was drinking last night. His shirt is untucked and his top button is open. He’s in the same clothes he was wearing last night.

An eruption of anger surges within me, drowning out any hesitation. “What the fuck have you done to her?” I scream as I step off the platform on to the second floor where Felix is still standing.

Felix remains planted to the floor, his arm using Rowena’s door frame to steady himself. Despite the fact he looks like shit, he’s still managing to look down at me as though I’m a cockroach. “I don’t know what the fuck is going through that tiny brain of yours, Snowflake, but I’m just going for a morning stroll.”

“Bullshit!” I inhale deeply. “I just saw you stumble out through the door.” Closing the distance between us, a gust of whisky-laden breath assaults my senses, triggering an involuntary recoil. My veins course with a fiery surge of anger as I hold my finger up to his face. It takes everything I have to keep my tone even. “If I find her hurt in there, I will fucking kill you!”

He grabs my arm and glares at me, his anger matching my own. “Keep your fucking voice down…” he hisses, squeezing my wrist. “or you’ll be going down to the ground floor without the platform. She’s not even in there, you stupid bitch.”

I wrench my hand from his grip and push past him. Of course, the door is locked.

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