Page 23 of Lust

I never expected any of the trials to be easy. Anthura made it quite clear that things would get worse the lower we descended into Hell, but I expected things to be hard in other ways. I expected to feel physical pain, but not the emotional tangle currently squeezing my chest that won’t seem to dissipate. I think I now have a finger on what the trials in this circle are about. They weren't designed to test endurance or to judge who's superior, kinder, or doesn't belong here. Each trial has been designed to make people forget the reasons they want to leave in the first place. I know nothing of God or of religion, and I never put any thought to Heaven or Hell in anything but abstract terms, so I don’t know if the Inferno Games are something that Satan has to provide. If there does have to be a Get out of Hell clause, this is the perfect way to implement it. The games are more than the trials, they are everything that makes up the minutes between trials, too.

As I take the elevator down to the lower floor, I make a note to ask Noémi or Anthura how many people have actually managed to get through this right to the end. My heart is pounding as I step out into the main foyer. I breathe out a sigh when I see the crowd from earlier has dissipated. I need to find Rowena and Juliette. They are the only people that I know I can trust in this place. I see them sitting at our usual table in the restaurant. A quick scan of the restaurant is enough to tell me that Dade isn’t here. I’m not sure if it’s relief or sadness I feel as I walk across the restaurant.

My need to tell them what I’ve been through melts away as approach the girls’ table. Rowena’s face is ashen, and she’s barely moving. Her eyes stare out at the image projected on the huge window. It’s a still image of Noémi and the crowd in the atrium earlier. Juliette, on the other hand, is the exact opposite, pink cheeks almost glowing. Her hair is a mess as though she’s slept for twenty hours straight on it and forgotten to brush it. Inexplicably, there’s a massive birthday cake on the table between them.

As I approach the table, Juliette's eyes lock onto mine, and she exhales a relieved, “Thank fuck!”

I’m guessing that this isn’t the celebration it’s made out to be. “Whose birthday is it?”

“I can’t get Rowena to tell me what happened inside with Felix, so I did what always cheers me up and ordered cake. She’s not said a word in the last ten minutes.” She looks at me with pleading eyes. “Can you do something?”

I settle beside Rowena, my arm enveloping her shoulders. “Roro,” I address her gently, “Please tell us what’s wrong. Let us help you.”

Her face remains emotionless as though she’s died and been replaced by a statue. If she wasn’t breathing, I would have thought that she’d somehow managed to die in here.

My eyes shift to Juliette. Her eyes blaze with fury as she speaks. “I swear to God… and Satan and every unholy deity in this godforsaken place, if he’s touched one hair on her head, I’ll reach down his throat so far, I’ll grab his balls through his asshole and yank them up until he’s reverse swallowing them.”

“You do paint a delightful picture.” Rowena finally speaks, but her voice is flat and monotone and nothing like her usual self. “I can assure you he didn’t touch me and I certainly didn’t get anywhere near his balls.”

Suddenly I understand what happened. If the trial was the same for her as it was for me… It doesn’t bear thinking about. “You know you are so much better than Felix Barclay, right? He doesn’t deserve a second of anything you project or anything you did in that room.”

Juliette's forehead creases, confusion etching her features. “What did she do in that room?”

“I can't say for certain, but I doubt Noémi tailored unique experiences for each of us,” I explain. A pause follows before understanding dawns in Juliette's eyes.

“Oh shit, Rowena,” she breathes, her eyes widening in comprehension.

She shrugs and holds her eyes steady. “It’s not that bad. I’ve spent my whole life being looked at with the same disgust Barclay did. I’d like to say it was surprising, but it wasn’t. He acted exactly like I expected him to. To be honest, I’d have been almost disappointed with the prick if he went against his own nature and actually helped me.”

My heart aches for her. What I went through with Dade was mortifying and he’s someone who I’ve been intimate with before. “If you expected him to behave like the asshole he is, why are you letting him get you down?”

She finally turns to me. Sadness laces her expression. “Because, yet again, he was in a position of power. I’d have liked it, if just once, I could come out on top over people like Barclay. He’s already embarrassed by Noémi turning him down. He’s going to use this to make my life a misery and make himself look like the big man. I’m never going to live this down.”

Juliette leans forward and levels a finger as Rowena. I’ve never seen Juliette cry, but it’s clear that she’s holding back angry tears. “Okay, stop it right there, lady. I’ve never known you to wallow in self pity like this before. Sure, it was humiliating. We all did things in there we are ashamed of. The whole point of it was to make us look like idiots. You’re not the only one. Felix is a dick and we all know it. You’re better than him!”

Rowena bites her lips together. “Did you fall to the floor and masturbate in front of your enemy while crying, Juliette? Did that really happen to you, too?”

Juliette looks hopelessly lost as she flicks her eyes to me for support.

“I did… kinda,” I admit.

Rowena grimaces. “Let me guess. You got all horny and the hot guy with the wings that I know you are crazy about even though you won’t admit it, literally swooped in and made you come and even though you tell yourself you didn’t want it to happen, you secretly enjoyed every second of it and now you are full of post orgasm hormones like princess penis possessor.”

I open my mouth to snap back, but every word she’s said is true. I’m a completely fucked up mess where it comes to Dade, but in no dimension can I pretend I didn’t enjoy what happened in that room on a physical level.

“Hey, that's hardly fair,” Juliette protests, a pout tugging at her lips. “If there's anyone deserving of that title, it's me.”

Rowena releases a sigh, its drawn-out nature conveying her inner turmoil. “I’m sorry, Quinn. I know I’m being a bitch queen. I just...”

“Hey, no need to apologize,” I interject, offering a reassuring smile. “I'd probably feel the same in your shoes. And don't worry, I haven't spotted Felix around here. Maybe he's still reeling from his encounter with Noémi. You know how much his reputation means to him. With a bit of luck, he'll keep to his room until the next trial.”

I decide against telling her about my encounter with him in the stairwell. She doesn’t need to know that he’s told Anthura what happened between them. It will only hurt her more.

Rowena nudges me, then nods towards Juliette. “I think Juliette wants to have her turn to talk. She’s had to wait long enough to tell us why she looks like she’s been fucked a thousand different ways. Don’t tell me that Orlin has turned out to be a complete stud muffin. I don’t think I can handle it.”

Juliette grins. “Sorry babe, nothing to report. It was a pretty boring trial, really.”

Rowena looks at me then side eyes Juliette. “Didn’t you get all uncontrollably horny?”

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