Page 15 of Lust

“I’ve already said too much. Just don’t trust anyone except yourselves.” She stands, leaving half the food still on her plate. Normally Juliette would be on it in a flash, but I don’t even think she’s noticed. “Look. I have to go. Sorry, I can’t give you any more help.” I watch as she darts between the pews and out to the atrium, where she bolts for the elevator.

“Now you’ve scared her off,” Juliette says bleakly. “I was going to try to wheedle some information out of her.”

Quinn puts down her fork and puts her hands on the table. “I think we need to leave Twila alone. She obviously can’t tell us anything and you heard her. Anything she does say could get us thrown out of the games. Juliette. I know the thought of having sex with Orlin is off-putting and I can’t say that the prospect of it is something that I’d enjoy, but you’ve had sex with, like, a billion different men. I’m sure, if that’s what we have to do, you’ll figure it out. Orlin’s so dazed, he probably won’t even know how to.” She turns to me. “Felix is the biggest asshole on the planet, but he’s probably hiding in his room crying like a little boy after what you two told me happened this afternoon with Noémi. If I know anything about men like Felix, it’s that they don’t like their egos hammered and from what you say, it sounds like Noémi annihilated his. He’ll probably sulk in the corner for the entire trial.”

Juliette stares at her. “Since when are you so calm? Have you spoken to Dade and figured out he didn’t kill Michael and Lucia?”

I finally see the tell in Quinn’s eyes. She’s not as calm as she’s making herself out to be. That’s why she put down the fork before she drew attention to herself. She’s been trembling since she joined us.

“Quite the opposite. I now know for sure that he did do it.” She picks up her fork again and stabs at her food.

Juliette looks at me and nods toward Quinn, one eyebrow raised.

“And this is good because…?”

She doesn’t even look at me as she answers. “It’s good because whatever happens in the first round, this is a battle. I don’t need to bring emotions into it on any level. Not anymore.”

Silence descends over our table as Quinn begins to eat her food. Juliette goes back to pushing her meatballs around her plate and I try to enjoy eating the sugary sweet crap that’s been put in front of me. I can’t stay in this circle, if only for the food. I swear my teeth are getting cavities just by looking at it. If Quinn can pretend to not be affected by what’s going to happen tomorrow, then I can suck it up too. If worst comes to the worst, I’ll knock Felix out with my right hook.

With the others consumed with their meals, I take a surreptitious glance around the restaurant. Dade is sitting alone at the very edge of the restaurant in the shadows, as he usually does. He’s easy to spot with those giant wings of his. Orlin isn’t here, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Orlin eat. He appears at the meetings, shuffles around, rings his bell and then disappears until the next meeting. I personally think that having to do the first trial with Orlin would be the best choice all round, but if Juliette thinks that having to have sex with a boring old fart is the worst thing that could ever happen, then good for her. I always thought she’d do well in this circle. The woman oozes sex and has more experience on the subject than most. She’ll be fine.

Felix isn’t here, which is no surprise. A lot of people saw his rejection, so he’s probably hiding in his room nursing his bruised ego. Maybe Quinn is right and that will work in my favor.

I’m just about to start eating when the view behind Quinn changes. Just like in Purgatory, the huge glass wall along the far side of the restaurant is really just one giant screen made up of many panels. In Purgatory, the view would change depending on what people asked for. There was an app on the Portal that let people suggest views, so sometimes we had unicorn filled meadows and sometimes it looked like we were in the ocean. I never really bothered with it because we all knew what really lay outside. Here we’ve been subjected to sexually suggestive videos that have barely stopped short of porn. I’ve had to learn to ignore the scantily clad people blowing kisses to the camera and writhing against each other for my own sanity and ability to keep my food down. Now, however, I doubt I’ll ever be able to eat again. There, thirty feet high, is a moving image of me.

My mouth falls open and I hear my knife and fork clatter to the table as I take in a video that I don’t remember making. It looks exactly like me, but it doesn’t move like me. I’m wearing a pink leotard, the kind that young kids going to ballet class wear, but this one has holes in it, showing more of me than I ever want to show. If it’s not bad enough that I look like that, I start to gyrate.

“Holy fuck!” Juliette exclaims next to me. Quinn spins in her chair to see what we are looking at.

“Holy fuck!” Quinn echoes, clearly taken aback.

“That's not me!” I stammer, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. I wish I could vanish under the table as the image on the screen delivers a suggestive wink and proceeds to stick out its tongue, wiggling it in a manner that I can only find repulsive. “I swear, I didn't do this!”

All eyes are on me at this point. My heart races as the attention shifts from the screen to the real me. Laughter ripples through the crowd, and I can feel the heat of humiliation intensify. Their smirks and eager expressions tell me that they're thoroughly enjoying the spectacle.

Bile comes to my throat as, on the screen, I begin to peel away the leotard, pulling it down over my shoulders. Next to my image, in five-foot letters, appears my full name.

There is no way I made this video. Not even high on drugs would I move that way, and yet I can’t deny it’s me up there. A rush of embarrassment washes over me, causing me to recoil in my seat. My whole skin itches with mortification. I don’t want to look anymore, but I can’t keep my eyes off the screen. I’ve spent my whole life living as modestly as I can while assholes think they are somehow entitled to my body because of who I am. Now, the choice has been taken away from me and beneath the layers of embarrassment, a surge of anger courses through me.

I’m forced to watch as the top of the leotard moves lower over my breasts. Just as the hint of the deeper pink of my nipple shows, the picture changes. Felix is now up there in my place.

My eyes widen as he performs moves similar to me. He’s wearing a skin tight outfit, showing every bulge, and I do mean bulge.

“Is that real?” Juliette exclaims, her hand over her mouth. “Thank fuck this isn’t in 3D. That'd have our eye out.”

I pin my stare on Juliette. “Of course it’s not real!” I snap. “Do you really think I’d do something like that?”

She shrugs. “I thought you looked hot actually, babe.”

“I think you’d have noticed by now if Felix’s dick was that big,” I choke out. “It’s literally the first thing you look for when you meet any man.”

Juliette sticks her tongue out. “Well, I, for one, can’t wait to see my video!”

Quinn reaches out across the table and puts her hand on mine. “They are obviously not real. No one will think they are. I’m guessing they are going to do all the contestants in the games. It’s just another pile of bullshit designed to make us uneasy.”

Sure enough, her words are barely out of her mouth when her image materializes on the screen.. She handles it a lot better than I did, but I can tell by the way she’s stiffened up that she’s finding this as uncomfortable as I did.

“See?” she mumbles, her voice faltering. “It wasn't that dreadful.”

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