Page 92 of Lust

44

ENTERING THE DEMONS’ DEN

QUINN

Pretend to be with Remy.

Keep dating Remy.

Remy is your only chance.

My mind is whirling with all the advice I’ve been given as I take the platform back up to my room. I’ve barely walked through the back door when there’s a knock on the front door. I open it to find Remy. “Speak of the devil!” I sigh, opening the door for him to come in.

He surveys the room. “You were talking about me? With whom?” He pauses, then adds, “Never mind. I'm glad you were talking about me. It means you were thinking about me.”

His twinkle is back, and he’s looking as gorgeous as ever, but it’s not enough. It’s not nearly enough. I can’t be someone I’m not and Remy can’t be Dade. I’m going against every piece of advice I’ve been given, but suddenly everything is clear.

“I’m grateful for what you did down there, but I can’t be your girlfriend, Remy.” I turn away from him. “I have thought about it, but I can’t keep pretending.”

His expression falters slightly. “No one is asking you to pretend to be anything.”

“That’s just it. You are. You want to be friends to see where this will lead, but it won’t lead anywhere. It can’t lead anywhere because…” I pause and my heart squeezes in my chest. “I’m in love with Dade.”

Remy's expression tightens, his features growing stony.

It might be my death sentence, admitting that, but my heart is pounding in a way that’s telling me I’ve made the right decision. “When you and I dated in Purgatory, you made me feel something I’d never felt before. No one ever wanted me, not least someone as utterly gorgeous and popular as you. You made me feel special. As though I was someone. But it’s become very apparent to me that you don’t want me.”

“I've always wanted you,” Remy responds, his voice steady. His eyes meet mine, holding a mixture of intensity and sincerity. “Why else do you think I'm standing here?”

“You need someone by your side for appearances, whether it's for these trials or to satisfy your ego. Candice wouldn't fit the role because she possesses something I've always lacked: self-assurance. I, on the other hand, was an easy choice because I carried loneliness and desperation, having grown up without parents, money, or any real support. Your charm offered me an escape, and my vulnerability fed into your need for dominance. I was a convenience to you.” I take a step closer to him, searching his eyes for any sign of understanding. “Until it wasn't. We both saw what we wanted, but it's not enough for either of us.”

He brings a hand to his forehead, looking conflicted. “I'm sorry you feel this way, but Dade isn't here anymore. You heard Noémi. He's being interrogated. They'll probably convict him for whatever he's done. I defended him only for your sake, but I honestly think he did kill Michael and Lucia.”

I open the door. “I know you do. Goodbye Remy.”

He steps through and turns away without looking back.

There’s a flicker of sadness, but mostly it’s just relief I feel as I rush through my room to my back door. Relief and a thrill of excitement that for the first time I’m going to listen to my own heart and not be swayed by other people's advice. I hop onto the platform and steel myself for the ride to the top floor. I finally know what to do. I’m going right to the dragon’s den.

I slam my foot on the stop button, one floor up, as an idea comes to me. Jumping off, I run round the balcony until I get to the right door.

My heart is in my mouth as I pound on it.

Felix looks like total shit as he opens his door. He’s got black circles under his eyes and his clothes are rumpled as though he slept in them. Five o’clock shadow coats his chin. “What the fuck do you want, Snowflake?”

“I need your help.”

He gives me a look of pure contempt. “What makes you think I…”

“Shut it, Barclay,” I snap at him. It’s the longest of long shots, but I’m willing to bet Rowena isn’t the only one troubled by what they did together. If I know Felix and I’m pretty sure I’ve got a read on the asshole now, he’ll have been sitting in his room, trying to unpick his life choices to match it up with his feelings. I’m hoping Rowena has completely broken him. I’m counting on it, because now that I’m talking to him, I realize I can’t do this without him. “You’ve done nothing for anyone since coming to Hell. You flounce around pretending you’re better than everyone else, but look at the state of you. Not even Anthura would sit near you at the meeting today.”

He narrows his one eye in stony anger and opens his mouth as though he’s going to chew me out. I hold my hand up to stop him before he even starts. “I think you’re a mess right now. I actually think you’ve always been a fucked up mess, but now I think you’re only just beginning to notice it yourself.”

“Jesus, fucking Christ.” He gives me a cold, hard stare. “Has Rowena put you up to this? The bitch wanted it, alright.”

I know I’m probably pushing my luck to stretching point, but I need him and he’s not the type to respond to polite requests.

“I think you wanted it, Felix. I think you want Rowena so badly, but years of prejudice make it so you are too afraid to admit it to anyone. I saw how you followed her out of the meeting earlier. Let me guess. You wanted to talk to her, but bailed at the last second.”

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