Page 81 of Lust

I’m shaking and I don’t even try to hide it. My face is wet with tears and I feel like he’s ripping my heart right through my rib cage.

Again!

He grips my shoulders and presses his lips against mine. It doesn’t soften the blow. Not nearly enough. “Right now, Remy is the only way you’ll get out of this.”

“I won’t do it. I can’t.”

“Promise me,” he demands vehemently. His eyes and aura are full of pain that’s mixing with my own.

“You can’t order me around,” I say, but my voice is small and no match for his.

“I can’t abide the thought of you and Remy together, but I like the thought of you being tortured by demons a hell of a lot less. And that’s what they will do to you. You've seen what they did to me. I will not allow it to happen to you.”

“But how can I pretend to be Remy’s girlfriend after last night?”

After us.

After everything!

I turn and follow as he steps around me to the door, my face downcast. “I can't let you do this. I cannot let you be tortured again.”

He turns to me. The way he looks at me is beautiful. My Dark Angel is all light as he cradles my face in his hand and kisses my cheeks where the tears are falling before kissing me once again on the lips. I taste the salt on his tongue.

“I will not see you harmed. I will bear a thousand lashes to keep you from being hurt. I will take everything the demons give me to keep you safe, and if that means watching you spend eternity with Remy, then so be it. You now know the way out of here. Maybe one day in the future, if you don't get through the games, you will finally be able to find a way out. Draw out the path, Valentine. Draw the way we went last night.” It’s another promise I can’t keep, but I find myself nodding.

My heart is crushed as he leaves. I run to the balcony and watch as he walks down the stairs. He gives me one last look and then disappears from my view. I run round the balcony to see him, but he doesn’t look back as he enters his room. With a heavy heart, I turn around, go back inside my own room, lock the door, and fall onto my bed. Finally, I let myself succumb to the sobs.

40

AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR

FELIX

“He looks fucking disgusting. Isn’t there something you can do?”

The doctor doesn’t flinch as Anthura squares up to him. “He’s suffered a lot of damage. Hell magic will help the healing, but I can’t promise he’ll look the same way he did before.”

“Half his fucking head is missing!” she snarls, gesticulating at me with her long red claws.

Bitterness floods through me at her words.

I tune her ranting out and flick my eye to the empty bed next to mine. Rowena left earlier with Juliette. I’m glad. As if this isn’t enough of a fucking embarrassment without her witnessing it.

“I’m getting you out of here,” Anthura fumes. It sounds like a threat.

“He can’t leave yet.” The doctor protests as she rips the covers back from my bed.

“He can fucking do what the hell he likes and if you have a problem with that, tell Noémi I discharged him.” She turns to me and her face falls into a tight grimace. “Get up.”

I grit my teeth against a wave of anger, but I do as she says. I want to get out of this shit-hole and back to my room away from prying eyes.

A host of disgusted stares follow me as I follow Anthura from the hospital wing to my room.

“So far, very few people know what happened to you,” she says as she opens the door for me. “If anyone sees you looking like the elephant man’s uglier brother, your popularity rating will be shot to shit and I don’t care what Noémi says. She’s going for the popular vote. So stay in your room and, for Satan’s sake, don’t show your face to anyone.”

I step over the threshold and slam the door in her face.

Anger burns white hot at the callous way she talked about me, but what really fucking stings is that it’s true. I’m a fucking monster.

---