Page 22 of Lust

The sour look in his eyes tells me he wasn’t expecting quite a show, either. His mouth curls down at the edges as he takes me in. I’m only wearing my bra, and currently, wet with water from the tap, it’s not doing much to cover anything.

I pull my legs into myself, but it’s too late. I didn’t think Felix Barclay could hate me more than he already does, but it’s plain by his expression that his opinion of me has fallen to a new low. Not that I care about what he thinks of me. I’ve seen the same expression on men my whole life, but now I’ve given him the ammunition he needs to make my life a living hell for the rest of our time in actual Hell. He steps forward, the knife out in front of him gleaming. I know how sharp that knife is. I used it to chop the veggies. It sliced through the carrots like butter. My heart stops as he stands over me. Yet again, I’m in a position where a man of power is lording it over me as though someone appointed him the fucking king.

His expression is all disgust and aggression as he drops the knife where it clatters to the floor, sending a metallic echo round the room. “Why don’t you do yourself a favor and fucking kill yourself?”

He turns and storms out of the room, slamming the door to the living room behind him so hard the window rattles. I let out a whimper as the feelings increase. I’m going to hate myself in the morning, because while Felix was standing over me, telling me to kill myself with a knife, I almost came. For the first time in my new body, I almost had an orgasm with only words of hatred and disdain spurring it on. My hand finds my clit. I no longer care if Felix walks back in, although I doubt he will. Nothing can be any worse than what just happened. It takes barely a brushing of my fingers to send me over the edge into orgasm. My first as a woman. My entire body shudders with the force of it, taking my breath and my sanity away.

And then it’s over. The heat in the room dissipates and my body cools into a wet, wrung out mess. The music stops. A cool breeze washes over me, making me shiver again, but I can’t move to shut the kitchen window. My whole body is like lead, or sand, molding itself to the floor.

The oven beeps a warning that the beef wellington is ready. I’m pretty sure the veggies boiled over ages ago and the soufflé will never get finished. I haul myself into a sitting position and wipe my face with the back of my hands, snorting through the tears and snot. I may have gone through the most humiliating experience of my life, but I came. I had an orgasm. My body finally works. And all it took was the threat of death by my worst enemy.

12

BIRTHDAY CAKE AND DESPAIR

QUINN

Knowing that my greatest desire is to have sex with Dade in a bathroom appalls me. Why couldn’t my psyche come up with something else? Even if doing it against bathroom tiles is my deepest, darkest thrill, couldn’t my brain have come up with something else to not make me look so utterly desperate?

My entire body tingles with an unsettling sensation as I step out of the elevator and into the bustling main atrium. The air resonates with cheers from the crowd. Amidst the throng, I can't spot any of my fellow contestants, but Noémi stands out, clapping with unbridled delight, her expression radiating pure joy.

A surge of humiliation unlike any I've experienced before propels me through the sea of jubilant onlookers. My sole focus is the platform that will transport me back to my room. I don’t care whether Noémi wants to conduct an interview or about the fact we’ve become some sort of local celebrities down here. All I want is to distance myself from the world, to rid my body and mind of the lingering effects of the past few hours. I feel like crawling into a ball and dying, but my body feels lighter than air. It's like the trial was crafted to evoke these emotions on purpose, and I absolutely hate it. I can't stand any part of this experience.

As I open the door to the bottom of the stairs, I come to a stop when I find Felix and Anthura waiting for the platform. Their voices are hushed, but I can make out what they are saying given their voices are both raised in anger.

“I’m not going through that again. You’d better fucking do something!”

I step back against the door and hold my breath. I guess I’m not the only one that had a crappy time down in the Earthery.

“Me?” Anthura pounds her chest. “I’m a fucking competitor too now, remember? You do not want to know what I had to force Moloch to do to me.” She sniffs. “There’s nothing I can do, so I suggest you suck it up like the rest of us unless you’d prefer the alternative and stay in this cess-pit circle.”

I step out of the shadows. Both turn my way and become silent as I walk towards them. However much I don’t want to share the platform with them, I need to get to my room and so I’ll have to ride with them or wait. If Anthura is on the top floor of a hundred, it will be some wait.

I know what I look like. Even though there’s nothing real about the Earthery, I’m still dripping in sweat and though I can’t see my face, I can only imagine it’s as red as Anthura’s outfit. Of course, she looks perfect and unruffled. She gives me a glare as I step onto the platform. Felix merely looks angry and I wonder what it is I’ve just interrupted.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Anthura snaps.

“I wasn’t looking at you,” I lie, willing the platform to speed up.

For some reason, Felix looks like he’s about to throw up and my appearance, far from giving him ammunition against me, it seems to sicken him. Any closer to the edge of the platform and he’d fall off.

“You look like shit,” Anthura remarks. “Fall in a pond?”

“Thanks for that delightful assessment of me, Anthura” I push past her and hop onto my landing right outside my door. “Only next time you degrade anyone, I suggest you look in a mirror before commenting on anyone else’s appearance.” She looks perfect, as she always does. Not one hair on her head is out of place, but if she spends the next seventy odd floors wondering if she looks crap, then I’ll glean some satisfaction from all this. I open the door to my room and step inside. Just before the door closes, I hear her say, “What is she talking about? What’s wrong with my appearance?”

“I don’t know,” Felix growls. “Nothing. She’s just being a bitch. Wouldn’t you be a bitch after going through that with fucking Dade Angelis?”

I close the door, not wanting to hear her answer. I feel for Rowena. Whatever happened in there must have been a nightmare.

I lay on my bed for hours until my stomach begins to rumble. I didn’t have breakfast and I’ve not eaten all day.

I jump in the shower and set it to the coldest setting, yelping as freezing shards hit my skin. I refuse to spend any more time thinking of Dade. I’ve had so much embarrassment in front of Dade already that begging him to fuck me in the bathroom is barely worth my brain power. It doesn’t matter what my body and, apparently, my brain want, Jenny is the reason I’m here. I’m only glad that the first test is already over and we’ve only been here a couple of days. With any luck, we’ll rush through all the trials and I’ll be able to get away from here as quickly as possible.

I never thought I’d pray for the days when hell hounds and drowning were all I had to worry about, but here it is.

I step out of the shower and assess myself in the mirror. I no longer look the mess I did stepping into the shower, but the haunted expression in my eyes is new.

Dade warned me not to trust him. I asked him clearly if he’d murdered Michael and Lucia and he didn’t deny it. I need to learn to let things go. Sadness fills me as I towel dry my hair and run a brush through it. It’s the exact same brush that was in the bathroom down in the Earthery. I hurl it into the trashcan, then throw my toothbrush in after it for good measure. No longer will I have a bathroom that reminds me of Dade. I wrap the towel around myself and head to my closet to find something to wear. I’m not going to let the last trial define me, either. No matter how upsetting it was. I know I wasn’t the only one who had it hard. If Felix was so morose, I can only imagine how hard Rowena had it. As I rifle through my clothes, I make the decision to head out and face everyone. I’m going to have to some time. May as well rip that bandage off sooner rather than later.

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