Page 89 of Rule the Roost

“A gift? For whom?”

“The both of us.”

I was in his arms, being held in the most loving way. There were two sides of the man, surely. One was kind, and tender, the other rough and passionate. I happened to crave them both.

“Back to being parents,” he said, then stiffened and backtracked, “Not that I…I mean, you can choose that, I’m not pushing it.”

“I’m not ready to consider myself that, Rick, and not because I don’t want to be a dad.” I let him stare at me, searching for truth in my eyes. “I love those boys, Rick. A family? It’s what I’ve wanted since losing mine. I’m just concerned that it won’t last.”

“I understand. We’ve both been burned and are jumping into a fire, hoping for warmth instead of injury this time. I get it, Kanan. We can’t wait a lot longer to define ourselves for Colby. He’s only three, I know, but by the time Chandler was three, he knew he was missing a mother.”

Rick stepped away, remembering the pain of it, and I felt it off him in waves.

“Then we’ll tell Colby that we’re a couple, but he can’t call me anything except Kanan for now. I don’t want to confuse him.”

“I’d never allow that, Kan. I can’t hurt him. You’ll be Kanan, Daddy’s boyfriend, his friend, and then, when we’re ready we’ll decide then.”

“I think Chandler would appreciate that.”

“Chandler should be there when we speak to Colby. He’s got a way with Colby, he’s able to speak to him about things and Colby understands.”

“He’s gonna be a great dad someday, like his. “

“I have my doubts about myself most of the time, but not him. He’ll be incredible, if he wants kids. Sometimes I think that losing his mother and what happened with Colby’s mother probably not made him terribly excited to be a dad.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” I said as I went to the faucet and turned off the water. “We need to go see them. I think we’re both missing them.”

“We are.”

We held off on my shaving Rick until later, using that time that morning to greet the kids, hear them both talking about their night, and Colby told us all the child version of the story Phoebe had read to him.

“The troll tried to get in the castle, but the knight won! He beat that old troll!”

“I’m so glad,” Rick said while laughing and pinching his son’s chin. “The knight should always win.”

“That is setting him up for disappointment, Dad,” Chandler groaned. “Fairy tales, yeah, great. The prince and princess stuff? Turned out well for Prince Harry’s mom, right?”

Rick rolled his eyes at his oldest son. “It’s a story, Chan.”

“We all get them, Dad. We get these sweet versions of life, then it literally makes us all believe it can happen.”

I waited, unbreathing, while Rick stared at his son. Then, when he spoke, my heart stopped for what felt like hours. “It may not happen right away, but it happens. I got my knight.”

Chandler’s head spun to Colby, and then Rick and I looked to the youngster too. Colby watched us, laughing in that sweet Colby way. “Daddy’s got a knight!”

“Yes, I sure do, Colby. Do you know who it is?”

“It’s Kan! Uncle Kan is Daddy’s knight!”

Rick reached over and took my hand, then I witnessed something that gripped me in emotion. Chandler smiled even as black tears ran down his face. Still, he could be counted on to be a smartass. “And it only took fifty years.”

Rick busted out laughing, but protested, “I’m not fifty yet, kid.”

We had a family day, then fell into bed that night, exhausted. All day, we’d run around in the snow and sunshine, playing like we were children with Colby. Chandler was full of smiles, and dinner saw his phone in his pocket.

“I think he wanted to make some memories,” I whispered to Rick that night as we lay in bed. “He’s going to come home a lot.”

“I finally think so too. If for no one else, than to see his baby brother. Colby loves him and looks up to him. Did you know the first time that Chandler started to wear makeup, I lost Colby for like twenty minutes? I was frantic, running all over the house, and the property until Chan found him and told me to follow him to his room.

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