Page 22 of There I Find Hope

Although, there was a big gap between when she knew him in high school and seeing him just a week ago. He wasn’t married, hadn’t been, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have relationships. Maybe he had a whole string of them and couldn’t commit. She would want to know those things before she made any kind of move toward him. Maybe that’s why she said no.

She wasn’t going to feel guilt about Blake. She wasn’t going to blame herself. She was just going to make the best decision she could and move on from there.

Holding tight to her purse with one hand, she walked around the side of the building and put her hand on the doorknob of the back door. She didn’t even think she’d locked it. And sure enough, it turned easily under her hand.

Strawberry Sands was not exactly a hotbed of crime, and while normally she would have made sure it was locked, she hadn’t even thought about it in the last three weeks.

Taking a breath against the memories she was sure would assail her, she stepped in. Sure enough, the scent was familiar, one she’d always loved, chocolate and sweet and just a hint of disinfectant. She’d always loved the smell of her candy shop.

Interestingly, instead of being overwhelmed by memories, she was overwhelmed by the feeling that she wanted to get back to work. Wanted to start creating new recipes, perfecting the candy she had been working on, and designing creations that tourists could only get in Strawberry Sands.

She’d been hoping for a while that her newest creation, chocolate-covered strawberry buttercream candy, would cause tourists to come back. She’d come up with the strawberry buttercream recipe and had just thought about dipping it in chocolate. White chocolate, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate.

Her fingers itched to get back behind her stove, work out her recipes, and create things that would make people smile.

And contribute to their fun vacation memories.

She stopped; she could hear Blake’s voice. Hear his footsteps tripping across the floor, see him coming at her with his arms stretched wide and a big smile on his face. See his impish grin as he asked if he could try it. That he was the candy expert and he could tell her whether it was any good. Of course, that was just his way of getting candy before supper. It was funny, but Sunday was happy for the times where she’d given in and allowed him to have a small piece. Happy for all the times that she’d said yes. She didn’t want to spoil her child, and she needed to say no, but it was the yes answers now that made her smile.

Maybe that was another lesson. Saying yes to God. To say yes to the opportunities He gave her. Saying yes to the open doors He put in front of her. Saying yes to trusting Him. Saying yes to holding onto Him as tight as she could and doing her very, very best.

It seemed so easy, but why was it actually so difficult? So difficult to let go of her fears and her anxieties and all the things that she wanted. Why did she think that God was just going to give her pain and heartache? That following Him was going to be worse than choosing her own way?

She started walking down the hall toward the kitchen, and she might have been okay, except as she opened the kitchen door, she looked down, and there, on the floor, were Blake’s sneakers. She’d told him three times to take them and put them by the door where they belonged, and he hadn’t done it.

And now she remembered, when she put him to bed the last time, she hadn’t read him a story because he hadn’t put his shoes away.

She sank to her knees and started to cry.

Chapter 9

Dear Business Boy,

I went to my shop today. I haven’t gone since Blake... Anyway, I thought I could handle it. After all, I feel so much stronger than I did a week after his funeral. I have my mind headed in the right direction, and I keep thinking about how God has to be in charge of my life. I feel like I’ve surrendered everything to Him, and then sometimes the pain just becomes so overwhelming that I can’t even stand up.

I didn’t tell anyone else, but when I went in, I was okay. I even wanted to cook again.

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