Page 85 of The Secret of Pain

"It's all still coming back in pieces. It's still so jarring to see parts of the world that I don't have any recollection of going to. So many places I always wanted to visit, and it turns out I've been to some of them a dozen times over."

"I feel you. But it gets easier. After the awakening period, what's not there isn't coming back, so it’s easier. Plus, people can fill in some of the holes for you without risking too much. These six months can be as dangerous as the first twenty-one years. It's less risky, but still, the risk of death is there."

"I think I'd rather just know everything all at once, rather than snippets. It’s driving me insane." I shrug.

"Yeah, but you'd lose yourself. We're each a little different in every life, and as we remember, those previous lives of ours merge, our old habits, phrases, moods, all of it comes back a little and merges with who you were. Imagine waking up being little miss sunshine, then having all your memories dumped on you at once and turning into a walking rain cloud. It would be too much."

"I guess you're right."

"Oh, girl, I am. Now, come on, Maddie is waiting, and that woman terrifies me."

I laugh at him as he pulls me to where everyone is gathering as Maddie hushes us all with Dad and my brothers so close.

Less than a minute after we're silenced, the squeak of brakes and the slamming of doors announce their arrival, but there are more voices than I expected. I stifle my laugh as Bauer tries to maneuver Dad and his grumpy ass to the garden.

"I don't understand why you couldn't just get it by yourself," he says as he steps into the yard.

"Surprise!" everyone yells. My dad spins, seeing us all, and grumbles.

"I hate surprises."

I laugh, as do most other people around me.

"Stop being such a cantankerous old man and come down here, Denny," Maddie demands, and he makes his way toward her, still grumbling as she pulls him into a hug. My focus is pulled back to the door where my brothers appear, and I'm surprised to see Ben behind them. I make my way toward them when Fallon grabs me, pulling me into a hug.

"Where have you been hiding, missy?" she says, and I relax.

"I've been busy with my little harem," I whisper to her, and she bursts out a laugh.

"Well, that's the best excuse I heard all year."

"Creek knows," I tell her, and her eyes go wide.

"Holy fates, Remy. How? When?"

"Not here," I tell her. "Later."

"I'm going to hold you to that!"

"Fine by me. I'll see you in a bit. I just want to grab my brothers," I tell her, hugging her quickly before trying to spot Ben in the crowd. I can't see him, so I head for the kitchen, knowing that's where Maddie will be, and likely Ben too.

The wave of cool air hits me as I enter the house, and I almost shiver.

“Remy, just in time! The brownies have just finished cooling. Can you cut them up and pop them with the others?” Maddie asks as she whirs around the kitchen, taking advantage of her Hunter speed to get things ready.

“Sure thing. Hey, Ben.” I smile at him as I grab a knife from the drawer and start cutting the brownies into tiny squares.

“Good to see you, Remy.” His warm smile reaches his eyes and he steps closer to the counter to avoid Maddie’s flailing. “I hear you’re doing exceptionally well with your training.”

“Thanks, my brother is something of a slave driver, but I’ve been trying to keep up as much as I can, despite hiccups. Lots of reading too, looking into our histories, making sure I have the bigger picture.”

He quirks a brow at my words, but doesn’t say anything, as if he knows what I’m thinking. “Indeed. And your memories?”

“Coming thick and fast each day. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some stuff that I’m missing, but for the main part, I remember a lot,” I tell him, and the truth of my words hits me. Between the constant dreams, things coming back to me as I read, as I spend time with my guys, my family, I remember more than I thought I did.

“I’m glad to hear it. Our memories are our most powerful tools. Our most powerful weapons.”

His words trigger me, and I feel myself falter, as it hits me. We’ve had this conversation before, and before that… Ben knows. He knows everything and he’s on my side. He wants to help me. My eyes go wide as he nods at me, as if aware of what just happened inside my head. He raises a finger to his lips and then points to his watch.

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