Page 56 of The Secret of Pain

"Are you okay?" Creek asks me softly, drawing small circles on my back.

"I don't know," I tell him. I want to be strong. I want to be this legendary person they all expect and want me to be, but I am not the person they think I am, at least not right now. Right now, I'm scared that my dad isn't going to survive, scared that I might have been the cause of this somehow, scared that if they discover the truth, I'll lose everything.

* * *

Eventually, everyone leaves except for Creek, who helps me clean up the blood from the wood floors. I scrub, scrub as if each stroke could undo what happened. As if it could take back the fact my dad is upstairs, fighting for his life, and there is nothing I can do to help him.

"He's going to be okay," Creek says softly, looking at me as I sit back and huff, blowing a stray piece of hair off of my face.

"I hope so," I tell him, and my voice croaks. "How do we deal with this so often? So much death?"

"You just do, and after a while, you get used to it. Once your memories settle, you will understand."

"And what if this wasn't one of the other factions? You and Colt both said something about shady shit going on with the Elders."

"The Elders would never. There are not enough Hunters in the world as it is; it’s hard enough to keep afloat above the flood of Dracul and Lycans. They would never dare give our enemies the weapons they need to win the war we have fought for a millennia.”

"But how do you know?" I press, hoping for any hint of possibility that this could be something else.

"I don't," he says, shaking his head. "But until your dad wakes up, we won't know the truth. I need you to not focus on the “who” right now. What were you looking for when you came here?"

"I was searching for answers. About me, my past at least. I see Bauer poring over so many books, I wanted to try and find some stuff out for myself. Did I ever keep journals?"

His eyes go wide at my question, and I shake my head, recognizing the look on his face as the one where he absolutely knows something but isn’t going to tell me a goddamn thing.

"Never mind." I sigh. "I'm going to head up and grab a shower, then go to bed. You don't have to stay; I can keep an eye on Dad," I tell him, as I wring out the last cloth, it finally coming out clear rather than pink.

"Don't be stupid, Remy. I'm not going to leave you alone. Not now, not after everything. You don't have to be this strong in front of me. You can lean on me, like you always have. You can trust me," he says, the sincerity in his eyes like a punch to the stomach, because if he knew, I’m sure he'd turn his back on me too.

"I'm not trying to be strong, Creek. I'm just coping, the best way I know. You can stay if you want to." I sigh wearily, standing up and stretching out after being on my knees for Fates only knows how long.

He stands up and steps toward me, so close I can practically feel him on me, despite the small space between us. And I like it. "Remy, please. Don't shut me out. If nothing else, we have been friends our entire life. Even if you want nothing more from me, let me be your friend."

I look up into his eyes and find nothing but compassion and understanding. My guilt overwhelms me and the tears I've been trying to hold back spill over. His arms wrap around me, holding me tight.

"He's going to be okay, Remy. Your dad is a tough son of a bitch." His words make me cry harder. Why did past-me have to screw present-me so hard? Why did I have to see Kain, and why is Roman here?

There's so much I don't understand, and what happened here tonight just adds to the pile that already feels like it might topple at any moment.

I pull back once I get the tears under control and steady my breathing.

"Thank you," I tell him, and he smiles at me before kissing my forehead.

"I'm always going to be here for you, Remy. Even when you don't want me to be. Even when you think no one else has your back. I will be here."

Why does he have to be so damn sweet? I hug him tightly again before heading upstairs to check on my dad, who is still sleeping deeply. I jump in the shower and wash away today as much as I can. The sounds of Creek puttering around downstairs comfort me, and deep down I'm glad he didn't leave. Exhaustion so deep I can feel it in my bones sets in, and I know I wouldn't sleep if he wasn't here.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Morning comes and despite the exhaustion, I barely slept. The fear of something going wrong with my dad, or whoever was here returning and hurting him or Creek, kept me up. I yawn as I descend the stairs and jump when I crash into Creek at the bottom.

"Sorry, half dead here," I murmur as he steadies me, his hands on my waist. That’s when I realize all I have on is a nightshirt that comes to just below my ass, and my cheeks heat. "Erm… I need coffee… yeah, coffee."

I watch as he realizes what I'm wearing, and my words barely register with him. His grip tightens slightly as his eyes take me in slowly, inch by inch, and my nipples pebble under his intense, heated stare. His sharp intake of breath tells me he noticed, and my blush deepens. Nope, no matter who we were, the thought of him and me like that still seems so confusing, no matter what younger, teenage-me dreamed of.

"Remy." My name on his lips sounds like a plea, and despite everything he said yesterday about being my friend if that's all I want, my body tells me that I want so much more. I lean forward and brush my lips across his cheek. The gentlest of kisses, and he stiffens.

"Morning," I whisper before pulling back from him. While my body might be ready, my treacherous mind is still whirring about a million miles a minute trying to make sense of everything. I remember that I'm meant to meet with Kain tonight, and it steels my resolve to not make anything messy here, not until I understand more, no matter how much I might want to.

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