Page 54 of The Secret of Pain

I contemplate calling Creek or Fallon. Even Bauer, but I have no idea what's in that envelope, and knowing my luck, it’s something else that I won't be ready to share with everyone yet.

Fuck my life.

I sigh in exasperation and drop on to the couch, trying to ignore the envelope on the counter, because I’d like just one night of peace. Flicking over to Netflix, I put on The Vampire Diaries, laughing at the irony of it all, and binge watch, trying not to focus on the shit storm that is my life until I fall asleep.

* * *

The light flooding through my windows wakes me and I groan at the crick in my neck. That’s what I get for falling asleep on the couch, I guess. I stretch out and lie back down as Sushi makes himself comfortable on my stomach.

The envelope from last night flashes into my mind and I sigh. Of course, I couldn't rest, why would my mind let me have even a moment of peace? Though, not going to lie, the binge-watching last night was a brilliant distraction, and is definitely going to be a new coping mechanism of mine. Apparently, vampires on the TV aren't anywhere near as terrifying as they are in reality. Though that Elena chick seems to have as many issues in her life as I do right now. I roll my eyes at the amount of drama it all equates to.

I almost miss my simple life with Jack, and just for a second, regret fills my heart at the decision I made. It leaves almost as quickly as it came while I let myself wallow.

This would all be so much easier to navigate if I could just remember. That’s when I realize I'm meant to meet Kain tomorrow evening.

Shit.

Of course I am. I wonder if he will tell me more about my past.

Or will he try to protect me from it all? My skin heats at the thought of his kiss, at the memory from my dreams of him, our time together. The pieces in my mind tell a story of a passionate, all-consuming love, like the ones you see in movies, but all I have are pieces. I struggle to make my mind believe what my heart tells me, that I've loved him for a long time.

Conflict wars inside of me, between my heart and my mind. Between what I feel and what I've been told. The thought that I might have lied to my family, betrayed my faction, and yet, I was the one that said love is love. What if what I've been told is all lies, like Fallon hinted at. That the Dracul, the Lycans, that they are more than what we are told to believe. Even in my first life, the war between the factions had been going on for an age, or so I was led to believe. Could history be changed so easily? And why would we want to?

I close my eyes at the thoughts. How could I possibly even begin to comprehend the enormity of it all without all of the information, and yet, I fear that there is no way to get all of the information. Even if the knowledge exists, who would risk the wrath of the Elders of the Hunter faction, to tell me the truth?

I could hear a version of the truth from Kain if what Fallon read is true, but can I trust him?

My mind feels like it is going to explode with all of the questions running through my head.

Fuck this.

Knowledge is power, and there is one place that might have the knowledge I crave. My dad’s library. Even if it doesn't have everything I seek, maybe I can learn more about myself, about the mark I carry and who the hell Leviathan is or was. Maybe that will give me some idea of where to begin.

I jump up and rush to change and brush my teeth before grabbing my keys, my new mission at the forefront of my mind.

* * *

I pull up at my dad’s and the house is dark, which is weird. There's always someone here, though I guess with Colt away doing Fates only knows what and Bauer busy with his asshole friend, I figure my dad is out. I slide out of the car, thankful I still have my own key.

The porch steps creak as I make my way up them, which makes me realize just how unnaturally quiet it is here. Glancing around, I notice how still everything is. Movement catches my eye, and I see a crow. It’s almost like it’s watching me. He lets out a caw and flies up into the trees, and I shake my head.

I’m losing my freaking mind. It’s not the same crow from before and it is not watching me.

Refocusing, I listen harder and realize there's not even the sound of insects. Something inside of me goes off, like a bolt of recognition, and I rush into the house.

That’s when the smell hits me.

Blood.

I race toward the smell and try not to scream when I find him. I pull out my phone and call Fallon. She answers on the first ring as I kneel beside my dad and feel for a pulse. It’s there, but it’s weak. What the fuck happened here?

"Fallon, I need you to get to my dad’s. Now. Hurry." I disconnect the line, not wanting to waste precious time, and call Bauer. It rings on speakerphone as I tear my shirt to create a tourniquet on the wound on his thigh.

"Remy, what's up?" Bauer says, the noise around him so loud I can barely hear him.

"It’s Dad. You need to get here. Quickly. There’s so much blood."

"I'm coming, Remy. I'll call the others."

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