Page 20 of The Secret of Pain

I take a deep breath as the door opens and Jack comes in. I smile at him, but his face is like thunder. Awesome.

“Are you sick?” he asks brashly as he closes the door before looking me over.

“No, I’m not sick.” I sigh.

“Then what the fuck has been going on? You’ve been weird for fucking weeks! You’ve hardly answered your phone except for this morning, even then it’s been a few mumbled words. I’ve barely heard from you,” he says, just standing by the door with his arms folded.

“Maybe you should come sit.” I motion to the couch, and he stomps his way over and sits on the lone chair rather than with me. This sucks, but I guess it’s better that he’s angry. It’ll be easier for him this way.

"So?" he says, and as much as it pisses me off, I swallow it. This is my fault after all. I can't be angry that he's annoyed and very obviously mad at me already.

"So… we need to talk. I didn't mean to avoid you, not really, but I needed some time to think about everything," I tell him, trying to stop my voice wobbling. "I know we had all these plans, but this isn't working for me, Jack. Not anymore. The tension between you and my family, us moving away, me becoming a doctor. I feel like I've lost myself to the life you want us to have. I thought it was what I wanted too, but after everything that's been going on, I realized that this isn't the life I want."

"This isn't the life you want?" he asks quietly, and I look up to see him staring at me as if he doesn't even know me, and I shake my head.

"I thought it was, I did, and I never wanted to hurt you, but I can't do this anymore, Jack. I love you, I do, but I don't think we're right for each other. I've realized that we want such different things from life, and no matter how much I love you, I can't just leave my family behind. I can’t cut them out of my life as if they don't exist because you guys don't get on."

"So, this is about them?"

"No, this is about us, but they are a part of me, Jack, and you don't accept them. You can barely stand being around them. But I don't want to talk about that. I'm talking about us."

"Well, it doesn't sound like there is an us anymore, Remy. It sounds like you've made that decision alone already and it doesn't matter a flying fuck what I think or how I feel about it." He stands, almost shaking, and I can feel the waves of anger radiating from him.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I don't ever want to hurt you."

"You know what, Remy? Fuck you. If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't be doing this. Shattering our life, all of the plans we built. You should have realized long before now what you really wanted. Or you should have at least had the decency to talk it out with me before you made a decision alone. So, fuck you, fuck this, fuck all of it," he spits, holding his hand out to me, and I place the ring in his palm.

"I really am sorry, Jack, but this is for the best. For us both, even if you don't see it right now," I tell him as he storms across the room. "Your key is on the counter, and that box on the floor is the few things you've left here."

He pulls his keys from his pocket and wrenches my key from it before slamming it down on the counter, picking up his own along with his box.

"Fuck you, Remy!" he shouts before leaving my apartment and slamming the door closed.

Tears run down my face, but I know no matter how much this hurts, no matter how much my heart feels like I just shattered it to pieces, this is the right decision.

Now I just need to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and get on with it, but first, I need my best friend and about three pints of chocolate ice cream.

* * *

After a full day of pity partying to myself, I gave in and text Fallon to tell her I broke up with Jack. She responded immediately saying she was grabbing supplies and heading over. That was twenty minutes ago, and I'm still in the same spot on the couch that I was in when Jack left earlier.

The lock turns, then Fallon saunters into my apartment like it’s her own, placing her bags on my counter before kicking the door shut and turning to me. "You get tonight to pity party, and then tomorrow, we are back on track, you hear me?"

"But, Fal, I just…" I say, and my voice rasps from the crying I've done throughout the day before breaking.

"I know, sugar," she says, coming over and hugging me tightly. "Tell me all about it."

She's interrupted by a knock at the door and stands. "That must be the pizza guy, so hold that thought!"

She hurries to the door and takes the pizzas from the guy, flirting as she does, tipping him before she closes the door. I watch as she potters about the kitchen, grabbing glasses, putting more ice cream in my freezer, and grabbing the other bag and the pizzas before coming back to me. I feel so pathetic just sitting here like my life is ending, but I can't help it. This might have been my choice, but that doesn't make the decision any easier. Not really.

The smell of cheese hits me as she puts the boxes down on the coffee table, then pulls out a bottle of whiskey and pours us both a glass. She hands me mine as I reach for the top pizza box and pull out a giant slice.

"So, let’s try this again. Tell me what happened."

I let out a happy groan as chew the deliciousness that is my cheesy slice contemplating how to explain it all. "I'm not even sure where to begin, but I ended it. I told him that this isn't the life for me, that we're on different paths, and that it wasn't going to work. He was so hurt, so angry, and I just… I could see it, his heart breaking at my words, the rage it created. I never wanted to hurt him."

"So, you made your choice, huh?" she says, and my gaze whips to her.

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