Page 10 of The Secret of Pain

“Smells good, Dad.” I smile at him and he hugs me as Nirvana releases me. He squeezes me tighter than normal, and I sigh. I can’t even imagine how much it must still hurt for him. Mom was the love of his life. Childhood friends that became high school sweethearts and married until the day she was taken from us. It breaks my heart every time I think about it.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Daddy,” I whisper and hug him tightly back before letting him get back to preparing the feast I know is coming.

“How you doing, Remy?” Maddie asks me softly as the chatter starts up again, pulling me aside from them all.

“I’m okay, it’s just hard. It’s always hard.” I sigh.

“I know. It doesn’t get much easier like everyone always says, but this is not the end of her journey. She’ll be at peace. How are things with Jack after the other night?” Her face stays soft, but I can see the twitch of her eye. She’s not team Jack either.

“It’s fine. We went away for a few nights to celebrate my birthday and stuff. It’s just hard when the people you love don’t get along, ya know?” I smile at her and grab a drink from the refrigerator.

“I can understand that. It’s not that we don’t necessarily like him, it’s just, we don’t feel he’s right for you. He’s so uptight and straight-laced. He’s a white picket fence and two kids kinda guy, and you were always way more of a free spirit. It’s like he suffocates that part of you, and we don’t like to see the girl we love disappearing in front of us.”

“I’m the same person I’ve always been, it’s just my priorities that have changed. And if you guys love me as much as you say, you’d be happy that I’m happy. But enough, tonight isn’t about me. Let’s just help Dad set the table. You know how flustered he gets.”

“Okay, you know I love you like a daughter, right? I just want you to be truly happy, on your own path.”

“I know. I love you too, Mads.”

Laughter from Colt’s stupid story about supposedly fighting some ninja while he was in Japan for a while fills the room, and I roll my eyes as I help my dad bring the food to the table. An English roast, with chicken and all the trimmings was Mom’s favorite. Such a weird choice, but also so freaking yummy.

Everyone takes their seats, slightly closer together tonight with the Winchesters here, but it feels like family, even if I am still mad at Creek.

“My Emily would have loved seeing all of you here, around this table, celebrating love and family. It’s been too long since she was taken from us, but I know she’s still out there, looking down on us, waiting for our next adventure together. She wouldn’t have wanted our sadness or tears, so tonight we remember her how she would have wanted us to. With love and laughter.” My dad’s voice croaks a little, it’s always so strange to see such a big man break, but no one else notices, or at least, no one says anything about it, and we all dig in as he carves up the bird.

* * *

Dinner was an event, more so than usual, full of laughter and stories about stupid stuff Mom did. New stories this year from Maddie, who grew up with Mom and Dad. Her and Nate, Creek’s dad, grew up on the same street as them; it’s so weird that such a small place could create so much love. Even my dad’s best friend, Wing, grew up right next door to him, in between him and Nate’s house. I can’t even imagine growing up like that. This house is out in the middle of nowhere, with a driveway a mile long, and acres of land behind it, but it never has felt lonely out here either.

I finish washing the last dish and hand it to Nirvana to dry before drying off my hands.

“I’m heading out. I’ve got Mom’s car keys and I’m going to Kayla’s. Creek’s going to drive her home in his car later. I miss you, you should come see me more, especially if you’re moving away like Mom said,” she says softly.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been a crappy friend lately. Is everything okay with you?” I ask her, realizing just how wrapped up in my own bubble I’ve been since Creek disappeared.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, it sucked having Creek ghost me, and then you fell off the face of the earth too, but I get it. You guys have always been like two sides of the same coin. I was so shocked when he went and left you behind. I will never understand boys.”

“Ditto. They don’t make any more sense, no matter how old you are.” I smile at her.

“I guess it’s a good thing I like girls too then,” she says so quietly I almost think I don’t hear her, but I smile widely at her, because oh my God.

“Nirvana, really? That’s so cool! I’m so proud of you, and honored you’d tell me. Do your mom and brother know?” I hug her tightly. I can’t imagine knowing myself so well at her age, hell, I hardly know who I am now!

“Not yet.” She shakes her head gently. “I’m going to tell Mom first. I’m not sure how Creek will take it. He’s always been so overbearing, but also so freaking cool. I still worry though. He’s been gone a while, and he seems different since he came back.” Worry clouds her eyes and my heart breaks for her.

“Sweetheart, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. As far as your brother is concerned, you hang the moon. You always have. But if he’s a dick about it, you tell me and I’ll kick his ass. Meathead or not.” I wink at her and she laughs, the worry gone from her face, and it warms me. “I’m always here for you, okay? Even if you just need to vent or cry. You have my number.”

“Thanks, Remy. I’ve got to go, I can feel my phone buzzing in my pocket and I just know it's Kayla losing her shit. I love you.”

“Love you too, Nirvana. Always.”

“Always,” she says with a wave before grabbing her bag, hugging her mom and Creek then running to the door. I get myself a drink and head back to the table.

Now that Nirvana has left, everyone seems so serious.

“Remy, you should sit. We need to… discuss some things with you,” my dad says, and I laugh at how serious he sounds, but everyone else at the table looks bleak. I turn to my brothers—Bauer’s just angry and Colt uncomfortable. Creek won’t even look me in the eye, and Maddie offers me a sad smile.

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