“Of course not.” I kept my chin up and my eyes straight ahead. Show no weakness. It was a lesson that had been ingrained in me long before joining the SEALs.
Though, of course, I had been laughing to myself. Olivia was something else. Her latest email had come as quite a surprise.
It had been a few days since I’d emailed her, and I hadn’t thought to check the account assigned to me for the Spines for Soldiers program. I hadn’t thought about the program at all, nor had I reconsidered my stance on reading the book. It remained on my nightstand, collecting dust.
I wasn’t opposed to reading, despite what I’d written in my initial email to Olivia. In fact, when I was younger, I’d loved reading. My mom had always encouraged it. And we’d spend hours together, huddled up in my bed, immersed in a story. That said, I remained skeptical that this program—that reading with a stranger and emailing about it—would “heal” me. I was pretty sure nothing could heal the wounds of my past.
Part of me felt bad for being such an asshole to her. I hadn’t been thinking clearly, and it had been a mistake to reply when I’d had a mix of alcohol and pain pills in my system. But Olivia’s latest email… I shook my head. I honestly was stunned she’d had the guts to call me an asshole, let alone the insults that followed. I was too amused to be offended. Too surprised to be upset.
Even from that one interaction, she was…different than I’d expected. She also—despite her nerdy bullet-point lists, self-professed bookish tendencies, and cat-lady ways—had stood up to me. Some of her jabs were a bit juvenile in nature, but she’d made her point. Better yet, she’d made me laugh. You are what you eat… God, I hadn’t expected that from her.
For a brief moment, I wondered if she was even eighteen, but then I realized she’d have to be to sign up for the program. I spent the rest of the morning thinking about her. Where was she from? What did she look like? Did she have a boyfriend? I shook away the thought. I shouldn’t care if she had a boyfriend. I shouldn’t be thinking about her at all, but she was a good distraction.
After my appointment with Tatum, I headed to physical therapy. And unfortunately, even thoughts of Olivia couldn’t distract me then. The exercises were grueling and painful, but I was determined to push myself. To recover—and quickly. To show that I was an asset to the team and the company.
When I finally got home, I struggled my way up to my apartment, ready to ditch this damn cane. I was fucking exhausted both mentally and physically. My roommate’s door was open and the light off, and I knew Decker wouldn’t be home from work for another hour or two.
My knee was aching after a grueling hour of rehab, so I popped a pain pill before grabbing a bag of ice and sitting against my headboard. I was tempted to reach for my phone or laptop, but neither sounded appealing. And when a flash of teal caught my eye, I glanced over at the book I’d been ignoring—Alone in Alaska.
I picked it up from my nightstand and flipped it over to read the back cover. I had to admit, the story did sound interesting. It was about a seventeen-year-old who’d been flying to Alaska with his tutor when their plane crashed. It was touted as an epic tale of survival and love, and I was going to go out of my fucking mind if I had to stare at the four walls of my bedroom any more than I already had the last month.
I’d watched everything on Netflix. I’d organized my computer files, and they’d already been pretty tidy. I’d listened to a bunch of podcasts. And yet I was still bored. Restless.
I couldn’t stop thinking about George’s family. Were his wife and daughter okay? Had I somehow made things worse for them?
I sighed and glanced at the book again. I needed a distraction. And this was definitely more appealing than any of my other options. So, I opened the cover and started reading.
“Cujo,” Decker said, rapping on my open bedroom door.
“What?” I snapped my head up, slamming the book shut.
The kid hadjustturned nineteen, and his former teacherfinallyseemed to be reconsidering her stance on their relationship. He’d been crushing on her for years; she’d been fighting it. But they’d been living in the wilderness for over a year, and they relied on each other. Cared for each other.
“Whoa. Are you reading something other than an ops guide?”
I set the book aside, blinking at the setting sun. When had that happened? I’d been so immersed in the story that I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. I flipped on the bedside lamp, ignoring his question.
“What’s up?” I asked, my mind still on the story.
“You’re coming out with us tonight, right?”
I’d been avoiding everyone in the office since my suspension. And even if I hadn’t been, I didn’t feel like going out, not when I was still limping around. It only drew more attention to me and my injury.
I shook my head. “Nah. I think I’m going to sit this one out.”
“That’s what you said last week. No more excuses.” He turned for the door, but I didn’t move.
He returned with a heavy sigh. “Okay,” he said, pulling out the chair from my desk and taking a seat on it. “What’s going on? Is this about your suspension?”
“Nah.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
I didn’t want to let on how much being suspended fucked with my head. I was so used to being busy, to working nonstop, that I didn’t know who I was without it.
“Come on.” Decker nudged my foot with his. “It sucks, but we all know it’s temporary.”
“Is it?” I asked.
“Yeah. Rehab that knee. Finish Spines for Soldiers, and you’ll be back in the field in no time.”