"Nothing. Lauralee and I need a place to stay for a while. Can we stay at your place starting tomorrow?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
As if sensing that something is wrong, my sister agrees without hesitation.
What's wrong? She asks.
I try not to sob from the warmth and concern that I've sorely missed from her.
"It's a long story," I say, my voice is slightly shaky.
I've got time. Sasha says, urging me to talk to her.
I let out a heavy sigh. Maybe talking about it will help me calm down. I tell her everything. I recount to her all the events that occurred that eventually led me to this moment, broken and confused. She listens attentively, staying silent through the phone.
After telling her everything, she breaks the silence. It would save you the trouble of having to figure out where you stand with him if only you talked to him. She advises me.
She's right, I know I'm a coward with this whole situation. It would be just like ripping a band-aid. All I had to do was ask him where we stand, but I'm too scared to hear the answer. Instead, I do what comes naturally to me when I'm scared, which is to run for the hills. But in this case, it's Hudson Valley.
"I don't think I can do that with my current mental state. I need some time to think," I tell her.
Hmm. That's understandable. You can take all the time that you need. I can't wait to see you and Lauralee. It's just terrible that it's not because of better circumstances. She says this to me with no hint of reproach in her tone, only understanding.
"We'll leave tomorrow," I say, thankful to have such an understanding sister living close by.
Okay. You know my number. I'll pick you guys up at the station. She says to me.
"Thank you, Sasha. I love you," I say, meaning every word.
It's no problem. Love you too, sis. She says this before ending the call.
Just the thought of seeing Sasha sets me at ease. We've always been close. She's one of the few confidants that I have. She never judges me for my mistakes. She just listens and offers some advice. I guess it helps that she's a psychiatrist. She used to work in New York but opted to move to the countryside after a couple of years.
I notify HR that I will be taking a few days off. She's probably not going to like it, but I can't just up and leave without saying anything. I may be hurting, but I still need to act in a somewhat professional manner.
The email is sent. And if I know Gloria, she'll be reading her emails before going to bed.
I visit Lauralee's room so that I can tell her the news.
I open the door and see her playing with her dolls. She takes notice of my presence and jumps excitedly at me to give me a hug.
I chuckle at how affectionate Lauralee can be. I return her hug, feeling much better. She's really the light of my life.
"Mommy, are you going to play with me?" she asks, eyes looking hopeful.
I chuckle, patting her on the head. I carry her to bed and sit her down.
"Mommy has something to tell you. We're going to be staying with Aunt Sasha for a while," I say, garnering a delighted squeal from her.
Her face is alight with excitement. "Really, mommy? I miss Aunt Sasha," she says, bouncing happily on the bed.
I laugh, pulling her down to sit on my lap.
"Yes, sweetie. It's time we visited your Aunt," I smile, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Is Uncle Grant coming with us?" she asks excitedly.
The smile slowly drops from my face. Lauralee's really gotten attached to Grant. I feel so powerless about this.
Not trusting my voice not to waver at the moment, I pause. I shake my head slowly.