I search for my key in my bag and open the door. All the lights are on, and I can still hear the sound of the television.
"Lauralee? Miriam?" I call out to them. I walk to the living room, and Miriam's there. Lauralee's on her lap, sleeping. I gaze at my daughter, and my heart softens.
Oh, how much I miss her. I don't give enough time for us to spend together. The middle-aged nanny's lips purse when she sees me. She's a black woman like me, and I can only trust my daughter with her.
"You're late, young woman!" Miriam states in a small but authoritative voice. I grimace inside. She's really like a friend to me, that's why she can talk to me this way.
"You should spend time with the young gal," Miriam glances at Lauralee as she slowly puts the latter's head down on the couch. "It's important that you spend time with your daughter. Motherhood's a tough job."
"I'm sorry for running late," I apologize, my head bowed.
"I know that you're busy, but you told her that you were coming home early! She waited by the window and stared at the passing cars until you called to tell us you're coming home late," Miriam sighs.
"I'm really sorry," I tell her again.
"You're barking on the wrong person, honey. You apologize to the sweet gal. I'm telling you, she's lonely," she explains to me.
"I know," a tinge of loneliness leaks in my voice. My daughter's small body looks really fragile against the couch. As I move closer to her, I notice the tear stains on her cheeks. A pang of pain squeezes my heart.
"I'm going now," Miriam says to me. "You better think about what's your priorities, honey."
I go with her to the door, and I locked up after she left. I take a deep breath, trying to think things through.
I'm not sure if I can continue working like this anymore. My body will probably give up on its own, or my relationship with my daughter will become strained.
"Mommy?" Lauralee asks as she rubs her eyes, wiping the sleep of her face. "Mommy!"
I open my arms when Lauralee comes running to me. I receive her gently, and I kiss her cheeks.
"You're here, mom. I miss you! How's work, mommy? Tired?" Lauralee asks me excitedly, but the sleepiness in her voice is apparent. I smile as I kiss her cheeks again.
My thoughtful daughter is so lovable.
"Mom!" she giggles.
"Well, I work as always. But what I really like is going home to see you," I put her down on the couch. Lauralee chuckles, and it blows my tiredness away. Then, she yawns.
"Me too, mommy," she admits to me. "I like it when you come home."
I smile as I hold her in my arms, tenderly. As a mother, I think I have neglected my daughter due to work. I sigh as I dance to a piece of invisible music with her in my arms.
"Sleepy?" I ask her.
"I want to stay away to be with Mommy," she whispers in my ears. Lauralee buries her face on my neck.
"Let's go to bed, then, Mommy will stay with you," I tell her, and she nods her head in agreement.
I put her on her bed, and I go in with her. I grab her favorite fairytale book.
"Mommy will read your favorite story until you fall asleep, honey," I tell her.
"Sure, Mommy. I'm going to listen until you finish… don't leave me," she tells me.
"Of course, honey. I won't," I caress her hair as I read the story of the Snow White and the Queen Mother. Oddly, my daughter isn't into the prince charming thing. She likes to listen to stories about mothers and their daughters.
I smile, well, I guess it's because she only has me. I read the story until Lauralee closes her eyes. I stop when I'm sure that she's asleep.
"Goodnight," I tell her. My eyes are slowly closing too. I don't want to move my body anymore. The exhaustion's taking over me. I close my eyes, and finally, I fall asleep.