Page 23 of Be My Compass

It’s always for me.

Her sacrifice. Her time. Her patience.

I don’t deserve a friend like her.

But I can’t use her like that either. Especially when I’m having trouble remembering my place. Remembering that she’s a woman second and my friend first.

Maybe Kaelyn will be able to touch me and kiss me in public without it meaning anything. Maybe she can drape her body over mine and survive having her face all over the tabloids the next day.

But I can’t.

I care about her privacy because I know firsthand what it’s like to have my right to space and privacy screwed over. Fans think they know me because they’ve seen me on TV. Haters think they can judge me based on deliciously edited cuts.

Kaelyn will shrivel under those harsh online comments. She acts tough, but she’s sensitive. Easily spooked. She has a good reason for it, but she can’t stand when people get close enough to pick at her weaknesses.

That’s all trolls do.

Study you. Pick you apart.

It’s not fair to her.

Or safe to consider.

And there’s the kicker.

The biggest reason I shouldn’t.

Me.

I don’t trust myself to touch her.

Really touch her.

Even if it’s just pretend.

I’ll lose my place.

I know it.

I sense it.

And if she had any idea just how often I’ve been struggling with wanting her lately…

“They’re coming over.” Ollie slaps my chest. “Good luck.”

“Coward.”

He flashes his wedding ring at me. “Uninterested.”

I smile and shake my head.

The girls saunter up. The blonde offers me a shy smile. “You’re Kastle Jameson, right? From the show?”

I force a smile. Dip my head.

Back in the day, I used to deny it, but it didn’t turn out well for me. I was thirteen or fourteen when it got ugly.

We were on a school trip and I got surrounded by fans of the show.

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