Page 102 of Be My Compass

I thought I was the fire, but I’m not.

She’s the fire.

Flames that spread faster and farther than I can control.

I always knew she was dangerous.

But this…

Feelings complicate everything. I know because it’s love that keeps me running after my mother’s whims. My gratefulness to the family who adopted me muddies the waters. I have a responsibility to them because they chose me.

Just like I chose Kaelyn.

But feelings are tricky.

Feelings don’t protect hearts and souls.

They just expose them.

Choices do the protecting. The committing. The sacrificing.

It’s that move between emotion and action.

With Kaelyn, I’m not sure what’s lust and what’s instincts. That homing beacon. That longing to be with her. To protect her.

I’m sprinting straight to the edge of a steep cliff. I wonder how far I have to leap before I realize the ground isn’t below me anymore.

Ollie slaps my back. Gives me an approving nod.

I shake my head as he returns to his seat beside his wife.

The room is warm. Bright. Loud.

Make It Marriage.

It’s weird how I still ended up here. Like I was meant to be here.

They treat each other like family. Maybe that’s why I didn’t mind talking about the show with them. My walls were down. All the questions were coming from love rather than twisted curiosity.

Maybe it’s because they’re matchmakers. Or good people. Or fans.

I didn’t feel like a puppet.

I felt like a person.

My eyes fall on the sky outside.

It’s dark. It’s late.

It’s time to go. I’ve shared Kaelyn with them for long enough.

I stroll to Kaelyn’s chair and put my hand on the back of it. She turns slightly, craning her neck as she looks into my eyes. Without a word, she understands and nods.

It takes another half hour to say goodbye.

We stand. Trade harmless jabs.

Take a step. Make a plan to meet again.

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