Page 27 of His Innocent's Passionate Awakening

Luca came over to her and tipped up her chin and planted a soft kiss to her lips. ‘You could never disappoint me.’

* * *

Artie showered and changed with her mind reeling at what Luca wanted her to do. She had failed so many times. Why should this time be any different? Panic flapped its wings in her brain and her belly, fear chilled her skin and sent a tremble through her legs. But she took comfort in the fact he promised to stay with her, to support her as she confronted her fear—a fear she had lived with so long it was a part of her identity. She literally didn’t know who she was now without it. But making love with Luca had given her the confidence to step outside her comfort zone. Her skin still sang with the magic of his touch, the slightly tender muscles in her core reminding her of the power and potency of his body.

Luca was waiting for her downstairs and took her hand at the front door. ‘Ready? Our goal is to go farther than we went yesterday—even if we don’t make it outside the gates it will still be an improvement. That’s the way to approach difficult tasks—break them up into smaller, achievable segments.’

Artie drew in a shaky breath, her chest feeling as if a flock of frightened finches were trapped inside. ‘Sounds like a sensible plan. Okay, let’s give it a go.’

The sun was shining and white fluffy clouds were scudding across the sky. A light breeze scented with old-world roses danced past Artie’s face. Luca’s fingers wrapped around hers, strong, warm, supportive, and she glanced up at him and gave a wobbly smile. ‘Thanks for being so patient.’

He looped her arm through his, holding her close as they walked slowly but surely down the cobbled footpath to the wrought-iron front gates. ‘I probably made you go too fast the first time. Let’s slow it down a bit. We’ve got plenty of time to stop and smell the roses.’

Artie walked beside him and tried to concentrate on the spicy fragrance of the roses rather than the fear crawling over her skin. She was conscious of Luca’s muscular arm linked with hers and the way he matched his stride to hers. She flicked him another self-conscious glance. ‘You must think this is completely ridiculous. That I’m completely ridiculous.’

He gave her a light squeeze. ‘I don’t think that at all. Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can be paralysing. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of—’

‘Commitment,’ Artie offered.

There was a slight pause before he answered. ‘That too.’

‘Fear of love.’ She was on a roll, hardly noticing how many cobblestones there were to go to the front gate.

There was another silence, longer this time, punctured only by the sound of the whispering breeze and twittering birds in the overgrown shrubbery.

‘Fear of not being capable of loving.’ His tone contained a rueful note.

Artie stopped walking to look up at his mask-like expression. ‘Why do you think you’re not capable of loving someone? You love your grandfather, don’t you?’

Luca gave a twisted smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘Familial love is an entirely different sort of love. However, choosing to love someone for the rest of my life is not something I feel capable of doing. I would only end up hurting them by letting them down in the end.’

‘But is loving someone a choice?’ Artie asked. ‘I mean, I haven’t fallen in love myself but I’ve always understood it to be outside of one’s control. It just happens.’

He captured a loose tendril of her hair and tucked it back behind her ear. His touch was light and yet electrifying, his gaze dark and inscrutable. ‘A lucky few find love for a lifetime. But some lives are tragically cut short and then that same love becomes a torture for the one left behind.’

‘Is that what happened to your mother?’

Luca’s gaze drifted into the distance, his expression becoming shadowed. ‘I will never forget the look of utter devastation on my mother’s face when she was told my father and brother had drowned. She didn’t come with us that day and when only I came home...’ He swallowed tightly and continued in a tone rough and husky with banked-down emotion. ‘For months, years, she couldn’t look at me without crying. I found it easier to keep my distance. I hated seeing her like that, knowing I was responsible for what happened.’

Artie wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. ‘Oh, Luca, you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’m sure your mother doesn’t blame you. You were a young teenager. She was probably relieved you hadn’t been taken as well. It could have happened. You could have all been drowned.’

He eased out of her hug and gave her a grim look. ‘There were times in the early days when I wished I had been taken with them. But then I realised I owed it to my father and brother to live the best life I could to honour them.’

A life of hard work. A life with no love. No commitment. No emotional vulnerability. A life of isolation...not unlike her own.

A life of isolation she would go back to once their marriage was over.

Artie glanced at the front gates of the castello and drew in a shuddering breath. The verdigris-covered gates blurred in front of her into a grotesque vision of blue and green twisted metal. The sun disappeared behind a cloud and the birds suddenly went quiet as if disturbed by a menacing predator lurking in the shadows.

‘Luca, I don’t think I can go any further...’

He took her hand and looped her arm through his once more. ‘You’ll be fine. We’re almost there. We’ve gone farther than yesterday. Just a few more steps and we’ll be—’

‘No.’ Artie pulled out of his hold and took a few stumbling steps back towards the castello. ‘I can’t.’

Luca captured her by the wrist and brought her back to face him, his expression concerned. ‘Whoa there. Slow down or you’ll trip and twist your ankle.’

Her chest was so restricted she couldn’t take a breath. Her stomach was churning, her knees shaking, her skin breaking out in a clammy sweat. She closed her eyes and a school of silverfish swam behind her eyelids. She opened her eyes but she couldn’t see past the sting of tears. She tried to gulp in a breath but her throat wouldn’t open enough for it to get through.

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