And the deep and abiding love he felt for Juliette.

Why else was he struggling to make sense of his future without her? The emptiness she’d left behind could not be filled with work. No amount of work could ever do that. He loved her with a love so strong it seeped into every cell of his body like the pouring of concrete on a building site. His love was the solid, dependable, unshakable platform on which they could plan a future.

Joe stood from his mother’s grave and glanced at some of the other headstones nearby. There were numerous stories of love inscribed there. Old love, young love and everything in between. Life had no guarantees. You could be lucky to live to ninety. Some, like tiny Emilia, didn’t survive the nine months of pregnancy. Some didn’t survive childhood or middle age, and yet others lived long lives and still they were grieved. Grief had no age limit. It was a human response to loving someone. It didn’t matter how old they were—they were missed when they were gone.

Like he missed his baby daughter...

Pain gripped him in the chest and he blinked against the moisture at the back of his eyes. Could he do it? Could he visit that tiny grave and confront the raw grief that threatened to overwhelm him?

CHAPTER TWELVE

JULIETTE WAS IDLY sketching at her flat in London, her mind preoccupied with missing Joe. She hadn’t heard anything from him since she’d left him in Paris. Not that she’d expected to—they had both said all that needed to be said. But when the doorbell rang her heart leapt and her deadened hopes took a gasp of air.

She opened the door and her shoulders slumped on a sigh. ‘Oh...hi, Mum...’ Her tone was jaded and unwelcoming even though she was craving company. Any company to distract herself from her misery.

‘Have I come at a bad time?’ her mother, Claudia, asked.

Juliette forced a weak smile. ‘Of course not. I was just doing some drawing...’ She led the way into the kitchen, where she had set up her art materials.

Claudia glanced at the sketches. ‘So, you’re working again?’

‘Sort of.’ Juliette shuffled the papers into a neat pile. ‘I’m thinking about doing a children’s book on loss. I thought it might help when kids lose a parent or someone close to them. Or even a pet.’

‘That’s a wonderful idea,’ Claudia said, pulling out a chair to sit. She waited a beat before adding, ‘Did you get the divorce papers signed?’

Juliette hadn’t told her mother about the few days in Italy with Joe or the weekend in Paris, and realised now how awkward it was going to be to fill in the gaps.

She slid into the seat opposite. ‘Mum...for a time I was considering going back to him. We caught up at Lucy and Damon’s wedding and then I went to see him in Positano. I stayed for over a week and I really thought we had a chance to make things work. I found out his mother died having him. How tragic is that? I realised while I was there that I love him. I know this might sound a bit fanciful to someone as rational and logical as you, but I think I fell in love with him the moment I met him. And I want to have another baby but he’s adamantly against even discussing it. I can’t compromise on that. I know there’s no guarantee I won’t have another stillbirth but I want to try for another child.’

Claudia reached for Juliette’s hand and gave it a motherly squeeze. ‘Sweetie, falling in love like that doesn’t sound fanciful at all.’ She sighed and continued. ‘I might appear rational and logical to you, but I’m not always like that on the inside. I fell in love with your father in much the same way. It was so sudden and I always felt as if I had to prove myself to his parents—your grandparents—to justify him marrying me.’

‘Really? But I thought Nanna and Pop adored you.’

Claudia’s smile was rueful. ‘They did, eventually, but mostly because I did everything I could to please and impress them. My Masters and PhD? That was my way of showing them I was as intelligent and capable as their son. Worthy of him.’ Her expression faltered. ‘When I got pregnant with you, I had just enrolled in my PhD. I couldn’t bear the thought of dropping out and yet I was so torn about you. There were times when I hated leaving you with the nanny and other times when I couldn’t wait to get away so I could concentrate on my work. I couldn’t seem to win, no matter what I did. And, being an older mother, well, I just didn’t have the energy and drive I had with your brothers.’

‘Oh, Mum...’ Juliette stood and came around to give her mother a hug around the shoulders. ‘I think most mothers feel like they can’t win.’

Claudia turned in her chair and grasped Juliette’s hands. ‘I wish I could make you happy, sweetie. The last few months have been so tough on you. But, given what you told me just now about Joe, it’s been terribly tough on him too. He must have been beside himself the whole pregnancy. No wonder he doesn’t want to go through that again. He wouldn’t want to risk losing you.’

Juliette slipped her hands out of her mother’s hold. ‘He doesn’t love me, Mum. He told me he cares about me. That’s not enough. I want him to love me.’

Claudia frowned. ‘Sweetie, are you sure he doesn’t love you? One thing my long career in science has taught me is to look closely at the evidence. Examine every bit of data, check and double check and keep a rational perspective. Men aren’t always good at expressing their emotions. Sometimes they don’t even recognise what they’re feeling. Years of being taught to suppress how they feel makes it hard for them to open up when they need to.’

Could her mother be right? But why had Joe let her leave both times without asking her to stay? Why hadn’t he called or texted?

He’d left her stranded in a vacuum.

‘I don’t know...’ Juliette sighed. ‘I sometimes thought he loved me. He’s so generous and kind. But he hasn’t contacted me since I left him in Paris. Not even a text or phone call. If he cared about me, wouldn’t he want to contact me?’

‘We always expect people to respond to a situation the way we would respond, but each of us has their own way of doing things, their own framework or lens to view things through,’ Claudia said. ‘Joe strikes me as someone who takes his time to think about things before he acts. He’s just taking longer than you would like.’

‘But what if you’re wrong?’

Claudia gave a soft smile. ‘Look at the evidence, sweetie. It’s all you can go on for now.’

* * *

After her mother left, Juliette bought flowers from her local florist and drove to the graveyard where Emilia was interned in a small village outside London. It never got any easier and it was particularly difficult on cold wet days when the miserable sky above felt as if it was pressing down on Juliette with the sole intent to crush her. But the sun was out today and birds were twittering in the shrubs and gardens that fringed the cemetery. The roses were in full bloom and the rich clove and slightly peppery scent wafted on the gentle breeze.