Page 33 of The Return of Her Billionaire Husband

‘Yes, well, you did wear me out a little last night.’ Joe smiled and tossed off the bedcovers and slipped on a bathrobe in case he was tempted to take her back to bed and cause them to miss their flight.

She gave an answering smile but something about a look in her eyes gave him pause. ‘Joe?’

He came over to her and ran his hands down from her upper arms to her wrists, gently encircling them with his fingers. ‘What’s on your mind, cara?’

She drew most of her lower lip into her mouth, holding it there for a beat before releasing it. ‘You know how I said we should be honest about our feelings? Well, I don’t want to go ahead with the divorce.’

Joe pulled her to him in a tight hug, his relief so immense it flooded his being. ‘I don’t want that either. I want you to stay with me.’ His voice was hoarse with suppressed emotion, his heart thudding with joy. ‘We’ll start afresh. Go on a proper honeymoon this time. We can even renew our vows if that’s what you’d like.’

She leaned back to look up at him, her grey-blue eyes clear. ‘Why, though? Why do you want our marriage to continue?’

Joe could feel a ripple of unease slithering down his spinal column. ‘You know why. We’re good together. We understand each other better now.’

Her eyes drifted to his mouth. ‘Joe, a marriage is not just about good sex.’ Her gaze came back up to his. Direct. Determined. ‘I love you.’

Joe knew he should fill the silence with the answer of those overused words but his mouth dried, his chest tightened. He had never said those words to anyone. Not even his father or Nonna. He had showed it in other ways, but saying those words out loud would trigger something primal in him. Born out of some kind of primitive desire to keep himself free of deep emotional entanglements.

‘Cara, you know I care about you.’ Somehow he spoke past the stricture in his throat.

Her expression faltered, hurt flickering through her gaze, her mouth sagging at the corners. ‘I don’t want you just to care. I want you to love me. And I want us to try for another baby. I’m ready now. Please say you’re ready too?’

Something in his chest gave way as if his heart had suddenly been dislodged, like an industrial crane losing its heavy load. He couldn’t take a new breath. He became lightheaded, disoriented. Panic beat in his chest as if fists were punching inside his heart to escape.

Another baby... Another pregnancy... Another nine months of worry. Of dread. Of anguish.

Joe let his hands drop from around her wrists and stepped back, fighting for air. For composure. For safety. ‘Whoa there. That’s not something I can even think about. Not right now.’

She frowned, her mouth opening and closing as if she couldn’t think of what to say. Then she took a steadying breath. ‘Joe.’ Her tone was level, calm, rational. ‘I know you’re worried about what might happen to me or the baby or both. I suspect most husbands would feel that way if they were asked, especially after going through what we went through. But we’ll have the best of medical care and we can only hope this time the baby will be okay.’

Joe shoved a hand through his hair, his brain reeling so much it felt as if his skull would fracture. ‘I’m not ready to discuss this.’

‘But, if we’re to stay together, we have to discuss difficult things as they come up. Isn’t that what we did wrong in the past? We pushed it under the carpet instead of airing it up front.’

He moved to the other side of the room, unable to get his thoughts out of their frenetic maelstrom. It was like a tornado of terror inside his head. ‘I’m not willing to discuss it. No way.’

Her eyes widened, her cheeks losing colour. ‘No way...ever?’

He scrubbed a hand down his face, his chest still so tight he could barely inflate his lungs. His gut prickled with anxiety, his head pounded, his brain log-jammed. He wanted a reconciliation. It was all he wanted—to have Juliette back in his life. But to go through the stress of another pregnancy, knowing it could end like the last one, would be a step too far. A dangerous, frightening step that made everything in him freeze in panic.

‘Look, I’m happy to resume our marriage—really happy—but having another baby is out of the question. I just can’t face it. I’m sorry.’

Her brow was furrowed with confusion. ‘But I thought you cared about me? I even thought maybe you...loved me, even though you seem unwilling to say the words.’

Love was something Joe had never expected to feel with any intensity. Whenever he felt the stirring of emotions he couldn’t handle he blocked them. Deadened them. Denied them. He let out a long breath. ‘I told you—I care about you.’

She moved further away, crossing her arms over her body. ‘But you’re not in love with me.’ Her tone was flat, resigned, dull.

Joe swallowed against another tight knot in his throat. ‘I’ve never felt like this with anyone else, but as to whether it’s the love you want, well, I can’t guarantee it is.’

She met his gaze with a steady focus that was unnerving. Unnerving because he felt a horrible sense of history about to repeat itself. ‘I spent so much of my childhood wondering if I was loved like my brothers were loved. Never quite feeling I made the grade. I didn’t seem to tick the boxes my parents wanted ticked. I always seemed to disappoint them. It made me feel like an outsider in my own family. I don’t want to live like that in our marriage. I want to be on an equal footing with you. A true partnership where we share everything openly and honestly.’

What could he say that he hadn’t already said? He was being honest with her. Brutally so.

‘I’m sorry you feel that way about your family. It’s tough feeling like you don’t belong. I get that. But a marriage like ours could be successful without the idealised, overly romanticised version of love you’re talking about.’

Juliette ran her tongue over her lips and continued, her voice becoming husky. ‘I could probably cope with you not being in love with me. I knew when you married me you didn’t love me that way. But I want another baby at some point. It doesn’t have to be right now. But how can we have a future together if you won’t even discuss it?’

‘Of course we have a future together,’ Joe said, struggling to contain his poise. ‘Hasn’t the last week proved that? We’re in a much better place than we ever were before. We know each other so much better and—’

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