“Yeah, it’s so you can see if she’s sleeping when you put her down.” He’s totally not reading the room. I don’t even know I’m crying until I feel the wetness on my cheek.
“That’s so thoughtful.” I look at him and see his eyes get soft. He walks over to where I’m sitting and squats down in front of me.
“Why are you crying?” His hand comes out and his fingers wipe away a tear.
“I don’t know,” I admit, “I must be sleep deprived.”
He smirks at me, his smile so soft. “Why don’t you go and take a shower, and I’ll watch the baby?”
I can’t help but laugh through my tears. “Do you even know what to do with her?” I ask as he takes her out of my arms.
I wait for her to cry but she doesn’t, he leans in and kisses her cheek. “Not even a bit, but I think I can wing it.” He smiles at her and she babbles back at him. A big gob of drool comes out and falls on his jacket. “Go and take a shower.” He motions with his head toward the stairs.
“If you need anything.” I get up. “Come and get me.”
“You want me to barge in on you naked in the shower?” he teases me, just like he’s done many times before, but this time it feels different. This time I picture him coming into the shower with me, naked as well. “You okay?” he asks and I avoid looking at him, feeling my cheeks start to burn.
“I’ll be back.” I don’t even check to see if Cici is okay before running up the steps and away from Levi. “Good God.” I close the bathroom door behind me. “Can you imagine if he knew you pictured him in the shower with you?” I mumble to myself. “He’d probably barf.” I push off from the door. “You need a cold shower.” I turn the water on. “Ice cold at this point.”
I don’t spend long in the shower, and instead of relaxing, I’m more tense than I was before the shower. Putting on a pair of shorts and a tank top, I pin the hair on top of my head and walk down the stairs. As soon as I get to the last step, he turns from the kitchen sink and I see he’s wearing the BabyBjörn. “Hey,” he says to me as if he doesn’t have a child strapped to his chest. His suit jacket hangs on one of the chairs, his shirt rolled up at the wrists. I don’t even know what to do with the sight of him. Cici looks at me, her arms punching the air and her legs kicking. I put my hand to my chest, feeling like I have a heart murmur or like I feel there is something in my throat. I even clear it, wondering if the pressure will go away.
“What are you wearing?” I ask, wondering if someone can be delusional if they are sleep deprived. I make a mental note to google that when I’m putting Cici to sleep.
“She didn’t like being in my arms,” he replies, looking down at Cici. “But the minute I put this contraption on, she was fine.” Cici looks up at him as if she knows he’s talking about her. “Not facing me, nope, she has to look out.”
“She’s curious.” I finally take the last step and walk toward the two of them.
“Also, she hates baby talk,” he informs me and I can’t help the laugh that comes out of me.
“How long did it take you to put that on?” I point at his chest.
“Two YouTube videos.” He holds up two fingers. “And she was not a happy person waiting.” He smiles. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear her.”
“I owe you big-time,” I say softly to him.
“What do you mean?” His voice is as soft as mine, almost a whisper.
“I mean this.” I point at the baby strapped to his chest. “This whole this.” I point at the bags that were on the counter but are now not on there. I look around, wondering if he put them away. “We,” I say and then correct myself, “I obviously didn’t think this through.”
“Hey,” he comforts, putting his arm around my shoulders. “It’s just another eleven months and two weeks.”
Chapter Eighteen
Levi
“Good morning, everyone,” I greet, walking into the conference room with my notepad in one hand and my coffee in the other. I take a look around and see there is no one here but me. Turning my hand holding the notepad to check the time on my watch, I see that it’s almost ten. Am I early for this meeting? I don’t have a chance to answer myself because I hear the television on the wall turn on.
“Good morning, buttercup,” Stefano announces from the screen, “you are looking good.” Ever since he found out that Avery was his daughter, he has cut back on traveling altogether. He may travel but whereas he would go for weeks before, now it’s a turnaround of twenty-four hours. I didn’t understand it when he suddenly changed, but I get it now.
“Well, considering I only woke up once last night, I feel like a rock star.” I put my coffee down and then my notepad. “It’s almost the best thing that has ever happened.” I pull the chair out and sit in it.
“How is my cousin?” he asks and I smirk at him, trying to play it off as cool. Playing it off as cool because I’m not ready for all the stuff to come up. All the questions that will follow. I just don’t know how to explain it to him, without a lot of other shit coming up. Stuff I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about. Stuff even I’m shocked about. Stuff, meaning Eva and her being on my mind for the past two fucking weeks. Every single time I look over at her, it’s like there is something new I see that I haven’t seen before. Or maybe I have but I just noticed now, which is flipping my head upside down. I tell myself it’s just because I’m in her space all the time, but even saying that, my head laughs at me.
“My wife is fine.” I point at myself, trying to hold in the laughter when he scowls at me, but I can’t help it. “She’s fine. Great. Amazing.” I clap my hands as his scowl comes to a full-blown glare. It’s been two weeks since we’ve technically moved in with each other, well, since I came back from my business trip. Two weeks since the start of whatever this is.
“How is Cici?” he asks and I lean back in the chair, the smile filling my face so much it hurts my cheeks. I swear I think I even puff out my chest when I think of her.
“Amazing.” I rock back and forth in the chair. “Still waking up once a night. But I think she’s settling down.” With each passing day, I am falling more and more in love with her. I would cut off my limbs for her. The girl can only say one word, which is Mama, and it breaks my heart every single time she says it and she just started waving bye-bye.