Page 50 of Reaper

Then the question becomes if it is real, what happens if he changes his mind? I mean, who would want to settle for damaged goods? I don’t think I could handle him being ripped away from me.

At least not now.

We haven’t really talked about what happens after he gets William. I assume I’ll be on my way, but did that kiss change anything?

Did I want it to?

Pushing off the door, I make my way to the bathroom. This is why I asked for the therapy sessions.

I was afraid at first. Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m still scared, but if I don’t work on myself then there’s no way I will ever get better.

I want to feel that confidence I once had. I want to be able to make a decision and trust myself with it without wondering if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.

Maybe I can even become a woman strong enough that Harrison will want to keep me. Granted, that’s not my end goal from doing therapy, but it would be a happy addition to being mentally healthy again.

As I start the shower before stripping, my mind wanders back to Harrison.

Being on the back of his bike with him was an experience I will never forget for the rest of my life. Feeling his body so close to mine while the road flew by us made me feel free in a way I have never felt in my entire life.

In that moment, I wasn’t the girl who was abandoned by her parents the moment they could ditch her. I wasn’t the woman who was abused by the man who claimed to love her.

I was just…free. All responsibilities, thoughts, and worries melted away with the wind.

The feeling is the second best that I have ever experienced in my life, the first being the moment Harrison’s lips touched mine.

Stepping into the warm water, I begin to wash my body. My skin feels alive. Like a live wire has made all my nerves stand to attention.

Sex has been a chore for me for a long time now. It has been something I’ve dreaded. I prayed for him to find it with another. I gave up on trying to pleasure myself even. My mind just wouldn’t relax long enough for me to find a release.

Yet right now, thinking about Harrison and how it felt to kiss him has my core throbbing.

Trailing my hands down my body, I stop at my breasts, massaging them as I imagine Harrison being there with me. It’s not my hands on my body anymore. They are his.

He would be gentle with me at first. Testing and teasing to see what I like. Then he would grow bolder. Pinching my nipples, maybe even biting them. He’s such a contradiction, looking rough and mean, but his hands on my body would be soft. He would learn every inch of my body.

When his hands slide over my stomach, I would suck in a breath. I would be unable to contain the moan when his fingers find my needy clit, begging for attention. My head falls back to the wall, loving the feeling of pleasure as I circle my clit the way I imagine Harrison would. My other hand is steadily pulling and tweaking my nipples, keeping them hard and stinging with the pleasurable pain.

When I finally thrust a finger inside me, I moan out his name. I feel like I’m burning from the inside out, but I can’t stop. I need to feel it. I need to remember what it feels like to find pleasure in an act that has been tarnished for me. So I thrust harder, my other hand coming down to strum my clit as the water cascades around me. With my mind fully on the object of my desire, I finally crest, falling into the blissful feeling of my orgasm.

It’s not until I’m panting against the wall of the shower that I open my eyes.

A smile covers my face as I laugh. Successfully getting myself off is such a small thing, but to me, it means so much more. It’s another moment stolen from me in the past given back. I might not be whole, but I’m picking up the pieces one by one.

One day I won’t be broken. I’ll be remade into something new.

eleven

“Why are we meeting out here?”I ask Trigger.

It’s a shithole warehouse on the outskirts of the compound. It had been here when we bought the land, but with it being out on the edge away from where we built our compound, we’ve never felt the need to get rid of it. I’d much rather be back at the clubhouse with Natalie, but instead I’m here with these fuckers.

“It’s the only secure place away from everyone. If we met in church, the guys might get suspicious,” Trigger says as he looks down at his tablet.

“It smells like ass in here,” Wrath jokes as he comes through the door, shutting it behind him.

Trigger rolls his eyes but ignores him.

“Oh come on, Trig. You still mad I peeked in on you and your lady friend? I mean, I didn’t need to know that you like a finger up your ass, but I have to admit, it was pretty hot to watch.”

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