Page 69 of Shadows so Cruel

“What if Lilieth, my birth mother, didn’t only see that I would die in Valtaris, but also what I could be if I did not?” It was nothing but an idea, but I clung to the guidance it provided, the connection between a past I’d never lived and a future that was so uncertain. “Marla said that my mother always wanted me to come home. And my home is Valtaris, is it not? I’m just trying to give meaning to the death of all those who sacrificed themselves for me. What if lifting the shadows is my fate?”

The two lines between his brows slowly eased, and his features softened. “Why didn’t you come to me with this? Did you think that I wouldn’t understand? Would stand in the way if this is what you chose?”

“No.” Sebian wasn’t like that. “Because I feared that, if I came to you, I would grow doubtful and never leave you again. Would never be able to work up the courage again to bond. I guess I just… didn’t want to face the knowledge of potentially losing you.”

Malyr turned away from us. He strode over to the book I’d slapped from his hands, picked it up, and carried it over to one of the many shelves.

Sebian thumbed my cheek, a smile settling onto those lips he lowered to mine in a long, gentle kiss, then he straightened and looked at Malyr. “It’s time the three of us talked, don’t you think, Malyr?”

Sighing heavily, Malyr pushed the book into a gap and leaned with his hand against the bookshelves, remaining like that with his back turned on us. “There is nothing to talk about. My decision remains the same. After thedrif, you will take her to Lanai.”

My mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

“Malyr is planning to dismiss me from his service,” Sebian said. “He wants to send the both of us to Lanai.”

“You will have an easy life there,” Malyr added.

“An easy life?” When four people had paid with theirs to save mine? “No. I’m not going.”

“You will do as you are bid,” Malyr ground out. “We might be fated, but I am also your prince. And your prince says that you will go to Lanai.”

“Do as I am bid?” Now that I was finally able to make choices of my own? The fuck I would! “Five days of flight from Lanai to Deepmarsh, Sebian once told me. I listened. I remember. Maybe another seven from there to Valtaris. I’m not going anywhere buthome.”

Malyr gave a slow, defeated shake of his head. “Sheisstubborn.”

“She also has a point,” Sebian said. “Once bonded, she might actually be able to remove the shadows, Malyr.”

His words confused me, making me stare at Sebian unabashed. “You’re actually supporting this?”

He ran the back of his hand down my cheek before he let his fingers intertwine with mine. “I’m supportingyou,because I love you.”

Warm flutters filled my chest, luring me to soak up his words, if only for a moment before I had to face the harsh reality of all this. “Am I going to lose you?”

“You will not,” Malyr ground out. “Because there will be no bond.”

“Why not, hmm?” I threw my other hand up in utter disbelief. “Tell me, Malyr, why would you suddenly refuse our bond?”

“Because I am not good for you!” he shouted. “I am hateful, ill-tempered, cruel… I am all those things you accused me of.” He glanced over his shoulder at me, his eyes no longer dull, the slight sparkle they carried bringing out the gray in his eyes. “I would rather suffer the Endless Ache until my dying breath than risk hurting you even one more time.”

A shiver cascaded down my neck at the sight of his unguarded stare, the glisten that shone in those two-colored eyes, lending Malyr a vulnerability that took my breath away. They held sadness, regret. They made me question my perception of this man up to this point.

“I still want this bond.” It wasn’t like I’d come here oblivious to how Malyr could be. “Whatever… consequences it might bring, I’m willing to bear them.”

The two men looked at each other for a long time, having one of their silent conversations I wasn’t privy to.

“We made it work before, didn’t we?” Sebian said after a while. “Why not see where it leads us?”

Malyr expelled a long breath. “It will lead you straight onto a pyre.”

“Wait…” I looked back and forth between these men, but my gaze ultimately landed on Sebian. “Are you saying I won’t necessarily have to give you up?”

“The problem isn’t so much you as it is that Malyr is naturally possessive of you. Has been from the beginning,” Sebian said. “The bond will amplify that. All it boils down to, really, is if he can control his urge to fight me off.”

“It is not the control ofurgesthat should concern you,” Malyr scoffed, “but my shadows.”

“What if you siphon them into her? And I don’t mean seconds before you snap, Malyr, but every day, so you can keep those vicious fuckers at a manageable level.”

“He can siphon his shadows into me whenever he wants to,” I said, and then a little louder, as I looked at Malyr. “In fact, I would’ve let you do it this entire time, if only you’d explained.”

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