Page 12 of No Mercy

He’s hardcore about everything. Gabriel is an all-in kind of guy. He’s black or white. There is no gray in the world he inhabits. “He feels bad, that’s all.”

“Why, because his best friend beat you up?”

Damn, sometimes I forget how painful it can be to have Lili’s truthfulness thrown in your face. “He didn’t beat me up.” To demonstrate how okay I am, I force a bite of food I don’t want.

“I point out your shoulder as evidence to the contrary.”

“What, are you studying to be a lawyer or something? Evidence shmevidence. I give you the past five years as evidence of Gabriel’s disdain for me.”

“I give it as evidence that he has the hots for you. Always has. His assholiness is a defense against the power of your pussy.”

If I had food in my mouth, I’d choke on it. “Power of my pussy? Sounds like a great fight entrance song.”

She laughs, “God, it would be an epic entrance song!” She butters a biscuit and hands it to me. “Gabriel made me promise you’d eat. So, eat.”

Thankfully, we don’t talk about Gabriel succumbing to my so-calledall-powerful pussy. Instead she fills me in on their occasional Sunday ritual where Gabriel cooks breakfast for the entire Harris clan—Donovan’s parents, two brothers, their significant others, and their kids. She lights up talking about how well he fits in like the tougher, bigger, and scarier Harris brother.

I, on the other hand, have never felt so alone and isolated. Austin and I have no family—we’ve been each other’s family for the past nine years. Well, maybe eight. The last year felt like we were distant relatives who can barely tolerate each other’s presence.

After cleaning up, taking meds, and finding my home for the day on the couch, Lili asks what I hoped she wouldn’t, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“I imagine you already know.” Donovan tells her everything, even stuff I’d rather he didn’t—and probably shouldn’t.

When my tears start to fall, she’s at my side, gently holding me to her chest. I never knew my mom, and though Lili is only a few years older than me, I imagine this right here is what it feels like to be loved and comforted by your mother.

“How could he hurt me and then leave me alone on the floor like that? Like he didn’t care what happened to me. Maybe he didn’t.” He had been cheating on me for who knows how long. “Why do men cheat? And why do I feel like it’s my fault?” I blubber as quietly as I can, not wanting to wake Violet, but unable to keep it together any longer.

“One—he’s a jerk. Two—because men are assholes.” She smooths my hair. “Not all men, but the ones who cheat and hurt women are.”

I can’t disagree, but it doesn’t relieve the ache in my chest or stop my tears.

“It’ll get easier. I promise.” She should know. She’s overcome abuse at the hands of her father.

I thought my father was bad, but he never touched me. He just never did anything for me either. He acted like I wasn’t there, like I wasn’t worth the air he breathed or the ground he walked on until the day he walked out.

It dawns on me then: Austin turned into my father, and he left me just as easily, never looking back.

There’s no need to look when there’s no one there you care about.

MY MIND’S NOT IN IT TODAY.I’m worried about my Angel. How’s her pain today? Was she upset when she woke to find me gone? I should have left her a note so she didn’t think I pawned her off on Liliana. I needed to train. I’ve only got a few weeks before my next big fight. But mostly, I needed space. I carried a sleeping Frankie to bed again last night and held her while she slept. That wasn’t my intention, but when I started to pull away, she grabbed my hand and said, “Stay.” So, I did.

I don’t doubt it’s the pain meds making her sleep so soundly in my arms like I’m her safe place. Fuck if I don’t want to be just that.

“Your timing’s for shit today, Gabriel.” Jonah lets the weights slam down on the press.

Tell me something I don’t know.

He waits until he’s standing in my view before he asks, “How is she today?”

“I don’t know.” I still the speed bag before catching his eye. “She was asleep when I left.”

Arms crossed, he nods. “You’re worried?”

“Yeah.” I start up again, hitting with my right three times, then my left three times, right, then left. Right. Left. Right. Left.

“Call her.”

“Liliana is with her.”

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