Page 41 of My Mafia King

I frown at it before tossing it in the garbage.

I’ve been doing this for the past few months, and it’s working.

I stopped smoking, although I kept buying cigarettes and throwing them away.

Hey.

Whatever the fuck works.

“Go now.”

They leave the room, and I linger a little longer to gaze outside and just go back in time.

Flashbacks from the past flicker in front of my eyes.

I see myself as a seventeen year old boy with that Italian girl on a blanket in the orchard, talking stupid shit like kids do.

I liked that part of myself, and I know it’s in there somewhere, buried deep in my soul.

Traveling back in time, I remember my parents and a different life and understand that walking this path, being a part of one of the most notorious mafia families in New York has helped me forget everything else.

It’s intense and demanding, and there’s no time for anything else. And that can simply be a blessing sometimes.

Thinking about those times, I see this woman, Carmina, superimposed on that Italian girl’s image.

And I think about it for a moment.

If only I could be that boy again, but just as fast, it dawns on me that it could never happen again.

Besides, women often come with pain.

Sometimes, because you love them.

And sometimes because you lose them.

And sometimes because you make mistakes because of them.

If I’d learned anything from that Sicilian woman and what had happened to her and her husband, it was that women are our weakest spot.

We, gangsters, can do a lot with our focused brains and deadly bodies, but having warm feelings toward someone makes us vulnerable.

In the end, we need to choose.

Get someone we love and face that risk. Or choose someone we have no feelings for and fuck some on the side.

Whatever we do, the circumstances are not perfect because life never is, and for sure,‘this life’never is supposed to be.

7

CARMINA

Earlier

I lookat my plate before peering at the view outside, filled with dread that I need to return.

Sure, the man said I could stay a little longer, but how long is that?

Besides, I’d rather go back to my car before the night sets in.

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