Page 61 of Surviving Lies

“Ty, you’re not into it because you only have eyes for Becca. But if she’s cutting you out, man, it’s time to move on.” Although it was obvious he was frustrated with me as his finger continued to jab me in the chest, he seemed concerned for me as well.

I didn’t know what to do with that. It wasn’t often that guys expressed themselves in a way that showed they cared.

My spit became hard to swallow as I searched for something to say in response to Jake. We continued to stare at each other as the silence remained. Finally, I found my balls and my voice.

“Yeah, well, about that. She hasn’t cut me out, at least I don’t think so,” I said. “We spent the whole day together last Sunday.” I didn’t even believe what I was saying, my words sounding baseless when I knew she hadn’t reached out since. Jake saw my face.

“So you two are back together?” he prodded, sounding as if he already knew the answer.

“Well, not exactly,” I said. “But we had a good day. We hung out.” He didn’t need to know our personal details.

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s time to move on, Ty. I know Kayla really likes you,” he said. And that just didn’t sit well with me, thinking that meant she would show up any minute. I also didn’t appreciate the way he just kept pushing me. He quickly went from being a concerned friend to acting like a dick.

“I have no interest in Kayla, Jake. I actually thought she was into you by now.”

He shook his head as he lifted his beer to his lips. “No, I think it’s still you she wants. Why don’t you want to fuck her, man? She’s hot as hell. But if she’s not your type, I’m sure we can find someone else for ya, dude,” he said. “But, c’mon, stop waiting on this one chick. I mean, Becca is hot and all, but is she that good a fuck?”

I lost track of exactly how things happened next.

The anger clouding my vision and my judgment were exactly why I reacted the way I did. The bone cracked satisfyingly under my hand as my fist connected with his face. Jake flew to the ground, his beer bottle crashing against the wall near us. All eyes were on us in a matter of seconds, most guys rushing to Jake as he lay bloodied on the floor.

“What the fuck?” one brother yelled in my direction. My adrenaline was still rushing too hard for me to notice who it was.

Then a set of powerful hands got a hold of my shoulders and pulled me back. I was swinging around, ready to fight whomever was pulling me from my opponent, when I saw Xander staring me down.

“Ty, settle the fuck down.” His voice held an authority that brought me back to my senses. He pushed me away from where the other guys were pulling Jake from the ground. “Whatever he said, it’s not worth it. He’s your brother and your roommate. Calm the fuck down.”

Shit.

I fucked up.

All this shit going on with Becca was destroying me, and I was allowing it to destroy the rest of my life as well. This was my new family here at school, and I should have been working hard to make these bonds strong, not destroying them.

I nodded toward Xander as he kept his hold on me with his hand on my chest. Pushing his hand from me, I walked away and headed upstairs, desperate to distance myself from the situation. Opening the slider, I found myself outside, searching for some fresh air. I heard Xander’s steps follow me outside.

The only people I’d ever cried in front of so far in my life were my mom and Becca; I didn’t want that to change. But it felt like it was going to. The knot welled up in my throat, preventing me from talking. I walked into the yard, hoping the wetness forming in my eyes would dry up before Xander noticed. I ran my fingers through my hair, across my face, as the first tear came out. I stifled the sob, completely embarrassed I was going to lose my shit in front of my friend.

“Ty.”

That was all it took.

“Fuck!” Fumbling to the wall of the house, I punched it multiple times as my knuckles split apart and were bloodied by the shingles. I was like a crazed animal that was finally let loose. “Fuck!” I yelled again. But then I almost couldn’t find my voice for my next words for him. “I don’t know what the fuck to do, Xander. She’s already seeing someone else. She fuckin’ kissed someone else.” The defeat was just as much physical as it was emotional as I leaned against the wall for support. I stared at my hand for a moment, unclear why I didn’t feel any pain from the shredded skin. “I’m going fucking crazy. It’s fucking up my whole life, everything! She won’t even give us a chance, nothing, because I won’t, I can’t ...” I had to bend over to catch my breath. The entire time, Xander remained standing at a distance, watching, allowing me to let it all out.

I felt his hands on my shoulders as he pulled me toward some chairs that were set up in the yard. “C’mon, man, take a seat.” He pushed me down but went in the house, returning with two bottles of water for us. “Here, drink.” He downed his in one gulp, but all I could do was take stupid pansy-ass baby sips because I couldn’t catch my breath. We sat there for a couple minutes, neither saying a word. I wasn’t sure he was going to talk, but suddenly he cleared his throat.

“I completely understand the despair you’re feeling, Ty,” Xander said. “It may not be exact circumstances, but when Lanie and I were forced apart last year, every breath I took, I felt like I had to force my body to take it.”

Looking up, I realized I was sitting with someone that may have been through something even worse than what I was going through. He wasn’t looking my way, but off in the distance, as if thinking back to the horrors they went through. If he and Lanie could get through their ordeal, Becca and I had a chance. Even coming to that realization, though, I didn’t see a way out of what I’d done tonight.

“I assume Jake isn’t messing around with Becca as well? That was not the cause for what happened, right?” he asked with a smirk.

That got a chuckle out of me. “No,” I offered. “He was just trying to get me to move on, hook up. He really didn’t do much of anything wrong; it was all me. And I probably fucked up my friendship with my roommate now, too.”

Xander shook his head. “Nah, let him cool down. Once you both sober up, things will be like it never happened. Trust me.”

The sweat on my face, down my back, helped me cool off as we sat in the night air. The defeat I felt about my entire life exhausted me. Xander seemed to notice.

“You ready to head out? I can give you a ride home, or wherever you’re headed,” Xander said. Neither of us was interested in staying for the rest of this stint of the party. Hooking up was not on either of our agendas for the night.

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