We both laid our heads back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “So listen,” she started, her voice serious. “First, before you see him, you need to decide if what you really want is to still be broken up with him. Seeing him for the first time will most likely make you feel things, things that could confuse you.”
I knew she was talking from experience. Lanie’s ex forced her and Xander to spend time apart last semester, and it did things to her. And when she first saw him, let’s just say she didn’t handle it well.
“What’s the second thing?” I asked her. She stared at me for a moment, her face unreadable, before answering.
“Well.” And then another pause.
“Lanie, what is it?” My voice almost screaming, I sat up straight on the couch, getting nervous. She finally conceded.
“You look amazing, Becca. If you want to fade into the woodwork when we head over there, it ain’t happening. But something tells me that wasn’t the plan.” Her eyebrows tilted in a knowing way. “I think you want to get his attention, and maybe the attention of others? But be careful if your plan is to get him jealous. I’m afraid that could backfire.”
Shit, was I that transparent? I plopped against the back of the couch in defeat again.
“I’ll be there with you. We can make it through today together. I can finally be there for you the way you were there for me.” She grabbed both my hands in hers and squeezed them tight. We shared a knowing nod. We had been through a lot together last year.
We both stood up, and she headed toward the front door. “I’m going to get changed so we can head over there,” I told her. I strode toward the stairs, knowing I would have to change the outfit I had picked out, maybe multiple times. “Come up and get ready with me!”
“No, I’m good. You know I don’t really care what I’m wearing, Bec. I have a few more things in the car to bring in, and I’ll be right back.”
I went straight to my bed to look at the sexy green halter top I had picked out to wear – braless, of course. It would have played off my new hair color so damn well. But it also barely kept my tits contained, so I was wearing it with an agenda.
Lanie was right.
A whole new outfit was in order, and that could take hours. Plus, I still had to do my makeup. This day was not going the way I had envisioned.
“Becca, you almost ready?”
“No, I need a bit more time. But go ahead, you can head on over. I’ll meet you there. You know which one it is, right? Go out the back door, look to the right, and you’ll probably see some guys setting up in the yard.”
“OK, I’ll see you there. Hurry!”
I plopped on my bed in frustration and looked around the room. It was an amazing room. Pretty big for a sophomore in college, with a walk-in closet. So I had most of my clothes with me, which was part of the problem: I had too many choices. Lanie saw right through my intentions, which made me think I needed to switch things up. I needed a new plan.
I pulled out my best push-up bra; I would never forego using my best asset. But instead of the typical outfit, I reached for my prettiest little white sundress. It had eyelets and tiny spaghetti straps on the shoulders but was kind of low cut in the front, allowing my bra to do its job. It was short, but not too short, and the color really showed off my tan and my new hair color.
I threw on a pair of flip-flops, some mascara, and lip gloss.
The complete opposite of the Becca Reynolds everyone knew from last year.
I looked in the mirror and wasn’t completely unhappy with what the reflection showed me. The tan definitely helped, but my winter look would have to be reconsidered. Before I changed my mind, I grabbed my phone and ran down the stairs.
As I walked over, my resolve weakened the closer I got. I realized that all the sexy clothes and makeup I wore were my security.
But in this, I felt naked.
Nothing to rely on to help with the facade.
I wanted to see Ty; I was desperate to see him. But what would I do if his response to seeing me wasn’t what I wanted it to be? I mean, even though I broke up with him, I still wanted him to look at me like he wanted to take me upstairs and do the nasty. The closer I got to the house, the more nervous I was getting, close to hyperventilating.
Yeah, of course it bothered me he didn’t even try to contact me over the summer once I broke it off. But I broke it off. It might have destroyed him for all I knew. I never gave him the chance to talk it over; I just ended it.
“Hey, Becca! How was your summer?”
“Hi, Becca! You look fucking hot! Are you still seeing Ty? Let me know if you’re not.”
“Hi, Becca, where’s Lanie? Are you guys living together?”
“Hey, Becca, where’s Ty?”