Page 22 of Surviving Lies

Logan:

Hey dude, you can walk right in, I’m in my room

As I opened the front door, the house was still and quiet on the upper floors. I took a step inside, not sure if his parents were home, but quickly determined they weren’t. The rooms were neat and orderly as I looked around: blankets folded on the backs of couches, shoes lined up along the front hall. Although, peering into the kitchen, I could see the remnants of a possible rushed breakfast still on the counter.

I was thankful they appeared to be at work. I liked Logan’s parents, but I wasn’t in the mood for questions. As I went down the stairs to the basement, which he converted to a mini apartment, I found Logan on his couch playing video games.

Perfect. It was just what I needed.

“Hey, man, how ya doin’?” Logan didn’t get up, too busy with the level he was on to bother. But it didn’t upset me; we were good that way. “You sounded like shit on the phone.”

I found another controller and joined the game, helping shoot up the zombies attacking us. “Pledging ended last night. I was pretty hungover when I called.” I saw him look over for a split second, I was sure pissed at himself for not being at school to have done that with me.

“Yeah,” he responded, “that’s cool. But it doesn’t sound like you’re too happy about it. Fuck! Watch that one – get him! No! Shoot that one in the corner! Shit, I’m dead.” He threw his controller on the couch next to him and looked my way.

“No, it’s cool,” I told him. “The guys are great. My Big is Sam. Remember him from last year?” I looked his way to see him nod, a hint of a smile on his face. “He’s a great guy. He’s been great the whole pledge season about letting me, ya know, come home on the weekends.” I played around with the controller in my hands, trying to find another game to play. But Logan took it out of my hands and put it on the table in front of me.

“So you drove three hours to tell me things are great.” He leaned back on the couch, a hint of frustration coming through as he let out a sigh. “Ty, your life is fucked up right now. I mean, OK, you have the frat. And I’m glad you got in and all.” He shook his head after saying that, hesitating. “But dude, you got some major shit you’re dealing with. And what about Becca? Any changes with her?”

He cut right to the chase.

And as I sat there, knowing I came here to talk about exactly that, my words failed me. I flung myself against the cushion as my eyes tried to find answers in the cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling. Letting out a deep sigh, my lungs emptied, feeling just like my heart. Logan gave me the time I needed as he sat there, waiting patiently for me to say something.

“So, things are not going well with Becca, at all,” I said.

He nodded in acknowledgment but remained quiet, giving me time to continue. But I didn’t know what else I wanted to tell him. If I put the words out there, into the universe, for him to hear, it made itreal.

“Apparently she was really serious about this breakup,” I said. As I leaned forward, my hands nervously twisted themselves together between my knees. “She, um, she went out with another guy already.”

There was no reaction that I could see from Logan. Rather, he seemed to be studying me for my response to my own words. Once he realized he wasn’t getting anything else out of me, he shook his head.

“And that surprises you?” he asked. “Listen, man. I really don’t know what you’re going through. It must be hard. But I have to say, I don’t get not telling Becca. I mean, all last year? And still now? Dude, you’re fuckin’ up a good thing.” He shook his head as he spoke, completely dumbfounded at my decisions. “It doesn’t surprise me that she’s moving on. Why would she wait around for you, Ty? You’re not being honest with her.”

“Christ, I know, Logan. I fucked up. But I don’t know how to fix it now. How do I tell her this late in the game? I don’t know what I was thinking. Like, why didn’t I just tell her?” I pulled at my hair in anger and frustration at myself. “I told her last night I’d give her space, and I think if I don’t, I’ll push her away forever.” Looking at him, hoping he had answers for me, I continued. “What if I already have? What if I’ve already lost her?”

“Nah, that’s where you’re not thinking clearly. It’s Becca Reynolds we’re talking about. She’s probably fuckin’ around with this guy to do exactly this.” His hand pointed my way as an indication of the emotional toll this had on me. “She’s no dummy, but ya know what she can be? She can be a manipulator, that one. And she doesn’t lie about it; she comes right out and tells you she’s gonna go home with someone else to piss you off, Ty.” He leaned forward, his hands folded on his knees, contemplating his next words. “You know she doesn’t like lies. And that’s all you’ve fed her, man.”

“Would the truth have kept her around?” I said while still staring up at nothing. “I mean, once she knows, I don’t think there’s a chance in hell she’ll stick around.” My throat closed up again as I fought succumbing to tears in front of my best friend.

“How do you know that, though? You haven’t given her the chance. The worst that could happen is you’d be right, and you’d be in the exact same spot you’re in now. But what if you’re wrong?” His voice held a hint of promise that he knew something I didn’t.

“You really think she’d be in for what I’ve got going on? I don’t think many would be, Logan.” All I could do was shake my head.

“Ty, you might have gotten yourself into a tight spot, but you’re handling it better than most. She would see that and respect it.” He got up and walked to the pool table, racking up the balls for a game. With two sticks in his hand, he came back to me and tossed me one. “C’mon, let’s play a few games. It’ll take your mind off things. Maybe then we can talk about a plan to get her back.”

We played a few games of pool and then went back to some video games. The creaking of floorboards above told me someone had gotten home. Logan lived with his mom and stepdad, who he had a decent relationship with; they were both instrumental in getting him into the outpatient program he was in.

His own dad wasn’t around anymore. But the time they spent together was the source of Logan’s issues. They didn’t have the best relationship, and it had stuck with him in ways no one would have anticipated.

“How’s the counseling sessions going?” I asked, not wanting to pry too much.

“Pretty good. They’ve got me opening up about shit I haven’t talked to anyone about. Ever,” he said. “So that’s a good thing, I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders, and I took that as my cue that he was done talking.

We continued playing our game in silence until we heard footsteps on the stairs to the basement. Both our heads swiveled to the door as it opened.

“Hey, Ty, nice to see you.” Matt, his stepdad, came into the room as we both stood. He reached us and held his hand out, me gripping it tight with a shake. “What brings you back up north so quick? Doesn’t the semester start soon?” Logan and I both shared a secretive glance before I responded. They didn’t know what I was dealing with, either.

“Yeah, actually, classes start tomorrow. Just wanted a quick visit with Logan before I got too busy with school. See how he’s doing.” It wasn’t a lie, just not the whole truth.

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