Page 15 of Surviving Lies

“I don’t mean to pry,” Jake continued.

Fuck, maybe I was wrong about him. He wasn’t giving up.

“Anything to do with Logan?” Jake continued, looking at his phone, the silence between songs allowing us a moment to talk. “He’s a cool guy, and when I heard he wasn’t coming back this year, well, that sucks.” Jake finally looked my way just as I was pulling into a spot in front of the apartment we needed to be at. He reached behind the seat to grab the food as I responded.

“No, he’s actually doing pretty good. Hoping he might make it back here for spring semester. He’s bummed he couldn’t pledge, though.” And Logan was. He was the one who dragged me to all the pledging events freshman year. I’d had no intention of joining a fraternity. But here I was. And Logan was home, dealing with his own shit.

“That’s cool. Be right back.” He jumped out of the car to deliver the food. Smelling that food in the car had made me hungry. They didn’t give us a lot of time to even eat during these weeks of hell.

The car bounced as Jake jumped back in, slamming his door.

“I’m fuckin’ starving now!” he yelled. I laughed as I put the car in drive.

“Put that music on and text the guys. We should have enough time to pick something up.” I headed downtown, giving us a choice of fast food drive-ups to go to. “What’s next on our schedule tonight?”

Thankfully, we only had one more day of pledging left. Getting to school early in August to do most of this before the semester started was super smart. This last night was known as Big/Little night. It was the night each pledge got inducted into the fraternity and assigned their “Big Brother” family in the frat. I was psyched to be in Sam’s family; having him as my Big was awesome. Not only had he helped me throughout the past month, allowing me to head home when I needed to, but he was a cool guy.

“Ty, man, welcome to the family!” Sam hugged me as the others poured a bottle of booze over our heads. Each pledge, when called up, got showered with liquor and took the bottle on their way down from the temporary stage in the main hall of the fraternity house. It was then ours to enjoy for the night. After the ceremony, a night of partying with two local sororities would start.

“Dude!” Nate grabbed me into a bear hug and pulled me off the floor. He was Sam’s Big, which made him my “GrandBig.” “Welcome to the family. Now let’s get you drunk!”

He grabbed the bottle from my hand, taking a long chug. Drinking was not an expectation with these guys, which was one of the main reasons Logan and I chose this frat. But I liked my share of drunken nights, and after the past few weeks, I knew this would be one of them. Nate handed the bottle back and I took a long swig, feeling the burn all the way to my stomach.

“Hey, Ty.” I turned to find Xander with his arms extended, ready for a hug. We were not in the same family, but we were still brothers. “Welcome, man. Glad to have you,” he said. As he slapped my back, I could feel the beer sloshing from his cup behind me.

“Thanks, man. Feels good to be on this end of it all, ya know?” I smiled as I raised the bottle in his direction. He raised the red cup in his hand in salute, and we both drank.

“I’m sure you wish Logan was here. Sorry he’s not. For you, and for him.” Xander had every reason to hate Logan for what he did to Lanie last year, but he didn’t. I nodded, hoping he understood how much I respected him for the person he was. “So ...” he started, but then stopped. His eyes searched the room rather than looking at me. His hesitation and the look on his face took my buzz away immediately; I could tell it had to be about Becca.

“What is it, Xander? Just spit it out. I haven’t seen or talked to her. What the fuck is going on?” My heart was in my throat because I didn’t think I really wanted to know. I thought giving her space was the right thing do to, but maybe I’d been wrong. With pledging and having to go home, I couldn’t really spare the time to see her. Texting, I felt, was too impersonal. So I left it alone.

“Listen, man. I don’t want to be involved. But I know you’ve been stuck here and dealing with whatever shit you have going on at home. Even more of a reason I really don’t want to tell you, but if it were me, I’d want to know.” He paused again, looking around the room, uncomfortable with the conversation.

“C’mon, man. You’re driving me more crazy by not telling me.” I fell back against the wall I was close to, exasperated by this point.

“She went out with someone the other night,” he said. “Pretty sure it was Gage.” His eyes were on mine as his measured words left his mouth. I tried to read his expression, to make sure his words were true. But they had to be; it was Xander. “Listen, it’s not fair of me to do this to you tonight of all nights. I know that. But it’s also the first night that you’ll be able to see her in a while. I thought you might do that. And I thought you should know, before you got too drunk.”

A pair of sympathetic eyes stared me down. My free hand flexed in and out of a fist as I raised the bottle to my lips. I tilted the half-empty container, draining it of the amber liquid, a trail of fire burning down my throat. It spilled from my mouth, dribbling down my chin, too much for me to take as a garbled yell expelled from my gut.

“Fuck!” I dropped the bottle to the ground, the hollow echo of the glass haunting me as it rolled along the floor and hit the wall. It sounded as empty as I felt. The back of my head hit the wall as I stared up at the ceiling, hoping Xander would just go away. But when I peered over, he was still there. “Did you see her go, or did Lanie tell you?”

He shook his head. “Nah, neither of us saw them leave, but Lanie heard her come home the other night, and saw his car driving away.”

I didn’t know what my next move should be, and Xander could see that.

“Just have fun tonight, Ty. But I know you’ll head over to her place later. I get it. I would, too.” He put his hand on my shoulder, supporting me with his grip and in his tone. “But be smart. You two aren’t together. If you still want her, don’t make things worse between the two of you than they already are.”

I nodded.

It was sound advice; I only hoped I could follow it.

I was drunk. And there were a lot of hot girls at the house. A lot.

But none of them compared to Becca.

The night started feeling like a chore. I was going through the motions. Because all I could think about was her – nothing else but her.

Her with him.

---