Page 13 of Surviving Lies

“No.” And that was all he said. But it was the way he said it. I wasn’t sure what he meant by it, but I let it slide because the night had taken a turn I hadn’t expected. “Come on, I need to pick out a mattress, but I will not be having you test those out with me. That would be the most dangerous thing I could do right now.” He grabbed my hand, and we walked to the front of the store.

Usually, I would have a witty Becca Reynolds comeback. The words were in my head, ready to come out of my mouth.What’s wrong, Gage? Some time in bed with me scares you?OrOh, Gage, I don’t think you could handle me in bed.But he was very good at taking away my words. And that made me uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.

But here was the thing. I didn’t think I could handle him in bed. Getting in bed withhimscaredme. So yeah, I kept my mouth shut.

The furniture was on order and would hopefully be in by next week. As we made our way to the car, Gage held my hand. I wasn’t sure if it was to continue with the charade or not, but I didn’t mind. Either way, I liked it. I knew I shouldn’t, but I did. I liked a lot about him. His face, his body, his personality, the attention he gave me. But sadly, what I liked most was that he communicated with me. He actually returned my texts.

“I’d love to take you out for a bite to eat or a drink. Is that something we can do, or is it too soon?” His question jostled me from my thoughts. And it suddenly reminded me of something Lanie had said to me: I think the word she used to describe him was “dangerous.” Gage was dangerous for me. And my thoughts about him were even more dangerous.

“No, probably not the best idea. Plus, I’m not even legal to get in a bar yet, so there’s that, too.” The rumble of the engine starting was the only sound, both of us quiet after that.

Once he pulled up to my place, he turned off the car and turned in his seat to face me, obviously ready to say something at that point.

“I don’t want to make this hard for you. I know you’re just getting out of a relationship, and it’s unfair of me to be putting you in these situations.” His dark eyes seemed to twinkle when he said this, as if full of mischief. He was full of shit, I thought.

But then he kept talking.

“I’m in no position to get involved with someone on a relationship level, either. I’d like to say we can be friends, but I think you and I both know that wouldn’t work with us.”

Wait, what?

“What was tonight? Why did you ask me to do this with you tonight if you didn’t want to be friends with me, Gage?” I questioned. This was pissing me off. Where did he get off playing with my emotions like this? “You knew the situation. I’m really confused. I mean, I know we flirt with each other and shit, but I thought that seemed to be our thing, ya know?”

He sat silent, the sparkle in his eyes now dimmed. He wouldn’t look at me. Instead, his eyes bounced between looking out the front window or at his console. Anywhere but at me. The tension ratcheted up a bit as we sat there in continued silence. Rather, his demeanor was more solemn, serious. He picked at a small bit of dirt stuck to the gearshift, as if removing it would reveal the secret to life.

“Gage.”

“Becca.” He wanted to say more but hesitated for a moment. “So, here’s the thing. I like you. A lot. But I know Ty is not over you.” He paused, and a small sigh of air left his lips. “Let me rephrase that.” He angled his body and looked me straight in the eyes before continuing. “Ty is still in love with you; it’s obvious to everyone. Are you still in love with him?”

Well, shit.

My words were stuck behind an enormous lump in my throat. He laid it all out there in front of us. I’d gotten more honesty out of Gage in one day than I’d gotten from Ty in seven months.

“Hey, I’m sorry, Becca. I shouldn’t put you on the spot like that. It’s not fair. And, of course, you still have feelings for him. I get that. But here’s the thing. I don’t want to start something with you if you’re not ready, but you need to understand, I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m only going to be here for about a year, and you have more years than that ahead of you here at school. If you’re good with something casual, that’s what this would be.” He reached out for my hand, rubbing tiny circles on the back of it.

All I could do was stare at his thumb as it swirled on my skin. My thoughts were bouncing around like ping-pong balls in my head.

Of course, I still had feelings for Ty. Those don’t end immediately. But I was the one to end it with Ty, and wasn’t I looking to move on? Or was I really hoping ending it with Ty would get him to open up about why he hadn’t told his family about us? I really had enjoyed the limited time I’d spent with Gage. He was gorgeous. And to have a casual fling with a guy who’s as mature as he was would be kind of fun. Gage gave more in these two days than Ty had in months.But Becca, you broke up with Ty!Well, yeah, but he obviously wants to still be with me, considering how he acted at the day party, so why didn’t he contact me all summer?

“Fuck.” Oh my God, I think I said that out loud. I looked at Gage, and his smirk told me that yes, I did indeed say that out loud. “My head is not letting me really think for myself right now. It’s full of thoughts I feel like I don’t have control over. That’s what that was about. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a way that I’m mad about anything you just said to me. It’s just that it’s got my emotions going . . .”

“Becca,” he said with a voice that immediately calmed me down, “it’s OK.” His hand was now moving up to my face, cradling it. I was getting those squishy feelings in my belly, and lower down, too, as his thumb rubbed my cheek down to my lips. “Would it be OK if I kissed you goodnight? Those lips look like they need my lips on them.”

“Yes, you can. I mean, yes, they do. I mean . . .”

He stopped my blabbering by placing his thumb over my mouth, pushing down on my lower lip just hard enough to encourage my lips to separate. His thumb grazed my tongue before he pulled it back and ran it along my bottom lip. The wetness left behind enticed me to lick my lips. When I did, he moaned and his hand wound around my neck with an intensity that startled me. He pulled me closer, and our mouths were about to touch when he stopped.

“After I kiss you, I want you to go inside and think about this kiss. Think about how it made you feel and think about if you would like more, on other parts of your body.”

Jesus fuckin’ Christ on a cracker. This guy couldn’t be real. Because this stuff didn’t happen to me. It only happened in those books Lanie read.

But Gage still stared at me while holding on to the back of my head, his mouth a breath away from mine. He was most definitely real.

“Promise me, Becca. Promise me you’ll think about this kiss tonight.”

My eyes were on his lips as he spoke, his warm words almost vibrating against me. “I promise.” My whisper barely came out, but it was enough for him. He closed the small gap between us, our mouths connecting. He was gentle, his lips soft, as if he coated them with Vaseline nightly. The slight stubble above his lip rubbed against me, but not in a bad way. It contradicted the softness of his skin.

His hand knotted around my hair as the kiss escalated. His tongue forged a path inside, seeking mine, dancing with it. But then his tongue was gone, though his lips remained attached to me.

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