Page 103 of Surviving Lies

It was Macie. Shit, I didn’t think anyone was here. I went to my door, opening it only a crack. “Hi,” I whispered.

“Do you need anything?” she asked.

“No, I’m OK. Nothing a shower and some TV won’t help. Thanks, though.”

“OK, let me know if you want to hang out. I’ll be here for a little while,” she said as she headed down the stairs.

I needed to calm down.

So I did get in the shower, hoping that would help. I had actually never felt this way before. My breathing was quick, and my breaths were hard to catch. And now being alone seemed like a bad idea. I ripped my clothes off while I put the water on and stepped into the shower, all at the same time. The water was still frigid; I hadn’t even gotten my underwear off yet.

Sliding down the wall, I fell to the floor while letting the water hit my face, and the stream mixed with my tears.

Fuck!I ruined us. It was me who ruined us. How could I do this?

The sobs wracked my body, my soul. I felt as though I would never recover.

“Becca?”

But this time, the voice was not Macie’s.

My head turned to the voice. I should have figured he would follow me. And the traitor Macie let him in.

He was always making sure I was safe. I should get off my ass and lock the bathroom door.

But I didn’t have the energy to move.

Defeat.

That was what I felt through my entire being.

“Becca,” Ty said as he approached the shower. “Baby.”

And that made me cry harder.

I didn’t deserve him; I didn’t deserve his love or his care. None of it. I was a piece of shit.

He walked right into the shower and picked me up off the floor, taking me in his arms. And I let him. Collapsing into his embrace, my howls got louder and louder.

“Hey, babe, it’s OK. Whatever is making you feel this way, we can work it out,” he said. “Talk to me, Bec. Tell me what I can do.”

“Nothing!” I yelled against his chest. “This is my fault, Ty! I’m a bitch. I’m a selfish brat who never gave you a minute to even tell me anything going on in your life. What good girlfriend does that? What girlfriend breaks up without even allowing a conversation about it?” I howled into his shoulder.

Ty pulled away from me and grabbed my face with his hands. I tried to fight out of his grip, but he held on tight, forcing me to look at him.

“Becca Reynolds, you are at no fault at all. This is all on me. I walked away from you and didn’t look back this summer. What kind of boyfriend does that?” He cradled my cheeks in his hands.

But I pushed at his chest, and his hold on me broke away. But he was blocking my escape from the shower, and I was stuck in here with him. I just shook my head at him, not sure I could keep going on.

“Ty ...” I whispered.

“What?” he countered. “Tell me one good reason we can’t try to make this work.”

“Ty,” I started again, but still not sure I could say it.

He stood a mere twelve inches from me, fully clothed, soaked to the bone, shoes and all. And I was going to break his heart, again.

“I don’t know if I want to be a mother yet.”

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