Page 94 of Surviving Lies

I counted the buildings in my field of vision.

I was doing everything in my power to ignore and avoid.

And I was being a bitch.

Taking a chance, I glanced his way. Standing in front of me was the guy I fell in love with a year ago. His tall frame was still fit, though maybe thinner than when I saw him last. The long-sleeve tee he wore hugged the lean muscles in his arms, showcasing them. His jeans hung low on his hips but formed around his thick thighs. I always loved his body. And his hair was growing out, definitely in need of a cut. It looked shaggy.

And then I found those whiskey eyes. They were staring right through me by the time I made it up there. His eyes ... were sad.

“I’m good, Ty.” I lied. I had to. What was I going to say? I still cried myself to sleep every night.

“Do you have a minute?” he asked.

He didn’t know that I did. I could lie again. But I was sick of lies. Utterly sick to my stomach of lies. I nodded, and he led me to a bench close by. We sat, but not extremely close to one another. I could see his nervousness as he twisted his hands between his legs and moved them to his head, running his fingers through his hair. It made the longer strands stick up, adding to the crazed look. A light sheen of sweat appeared on his brow as I watched him fidget, seemingly as uncomfortable as I was. He finally turned to look right at me.

“It’s good to see you, Bec. I’ve missed you,” he said, calmer than I expected. He pivoted his body to face me head on before his next words. “I don’t want to do this here, but can we please do this sometime, somewhere? I’d really like you to hear me out, please.”

I had to look away; the wetness was already forming in my eyes. There was a good reason I had kept my distance. I think I knew I’d have a hard time resisting him in person. I always did. History had proven that.

“Please don’t cry, Bec. I didn’t want to make you cry. I’m sorry.”

“What do you expect, Ty?” I asked quietly, a lone tear rolling down my cheek. “Did you think I’d be able to get beyond this and forget all the shit that’s happened? Or better yet, forget you?”

He flinched when I said that.

“What could you possibly have to say that would make any of this OK? You have a child with another woman and you didn’t tell me about it for over a year. That’s not OK in any way, shape, or form. I mean, fuck, whenwereyou going to tell me?” The tears were more prolific now as my voice escalated with anger. “Christ, you were probably going to try to get away with this as long as you could, just keep getting a good fuck out of me on the side!” I jumped to my feet, done with this conversation. Once I did, I looked his way. But then a sound coming from him forced me to look back.

The Ty in front of me was one I’d never seen before.

The tears flowing down his face almost matched mine. I hadn’t noticed he was crying because of my outburst; he was even struggling to breathe. He stood and took a step toward me, but I put my hand up to keep him back. I couldn’t have him come closer, touch me.

“Becca.” His cracked whisper hit my ears. I could tell he was trying to stifle his cries, not make a scene, but it was futile. “Baby, give me just one chance to explain. I can make it make sense.” He was struggling to talk, to keep it together. He looked around, noticing that no one was paying us much attention, at least not outwardly. “I know I was wrong,” he continued. “I’m a bastard. If I could take it all back, I would. But please, let me tell you why. Please!” He was begging, just short of going to his knees.

And it was breaking me.

I needed to get out of there. I looked around as if someone who could save me would appear. My desperate eyes searched but found no one. “Ty, I have to go,” I said as I picked up my bag. He moved to stop me but thought better of it when he saw the look on my face. “I can’t do this. Not here. I’m going to be late to class, if I can even sit in class like this.”

He stepped back. But his heartbroken eyes grabbed my heart and wouldn’t let go. “Becca, do you remember the weekend we took Logan home last year? The weekend Lanie had all those problems with Max?”

“Ty, I don’t want to do this!” I warned with a hiss.

“Just answer this one question for me, please.”

“Of course I do. It was the start of our demise. You treated me like shit at your house. I should have gotten out then when I could have,” I told him. He acted like we were only friends around his parents – wouldn’t even hold my hand, let alone engage in any PDA. It hurt so much. It was as if I embarrassed him.

“Do you remember what I said to you when we got back?” he asked.

I thought for a moment, but I couldn’t. Thinking back, all I could remember was how angry I was at him and how I moped around for days. My complaints to Lanie seemed silly compared to what she was going through, but she always listened and made me feel better. But it never lasted.

I only shook my head at him, getting impatient.

“I told you I knew things didn’t go as you wanted, but that I would make it right. To give me some time, and I would make it right. That even though we had only been together for a couple months, I knew I’d met my perfect. You’re my perfect, Becca. I knew it then, and I know it now.” He inched closer to me, and I let him.

My whole body shook. I wasn’t sure if it was from his words or the crying. But as he got closer, I felt the gravitational pull to him growing, and my resolve lessening. My arms went around my torso, an act of protection, it felt like. As he stepped up to me, his fingers lifted my chin, our eyes connecting. Those golden eyes, wet with tears still, bore into my soul and tried to steal it back.

“I’m only asking for you to give me one chance to explain everything. Give me one chance to make things right. And if you still want to walk away ...” He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat before he could finish his sentence. “I won’t stop you.”

My eyes closed of their own volition. I couldn’t take the intensity of his stare any longer. I tried to move my face from his grip, but he held tight. His thumb came up and rubbed my lower lip. And my fucking body betrayed me as my mouth opened slightly, the reaction instinct with him.

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