Page 32 of Surviving Lies

My heart was beating a mile a minute, and I hoped she couldn’t tell.

I was such a coward.

She sat there for a while, her gaze moving from me to the grassy oval adjacent to the cafeteria. It was full of students going to and from class or back to their dorms; they were all completely unaware that I tilted our world on its axis in this corner.

“Why couldn’t you tell me that until now, Ty?” Becca sneered. Her glare pinned me in place. How did I answer that? “I know why. You finally told me because you’re jealous,” she snarled.

But as she said that, she covered her face with her hands and started crying again. I rushed to her side, falling to my knees in front of her. She stopped me, though, pushing me away with a hand. “But I get it!” she screamed. “I get it! Shit, Ty, when I saw you with Kayla before, it affected me in a way I wasn’t expecting. I can only imagine what seeing me with Gage has felt like.” She jumped up, almost knocking me back on my ass, and started pacing. She stood behind the bench with her back to me. Her arms wrapped around her middle as if she were in pain. “I never wanted to hurt you, Ty. I know I probably did, or am. It wasn’t my intention. It came out of nowhere with Gage, and he makes me forget everything.” She turned to look at me. “He helps me forget you.” Tears streamed down her face steadily. “But I haven’t forgotten. Not yet.”

My heart opened wide as her green eyes, still wet with tears, looked at me and gave me hope. But I had no right to be feeling I had any hope; with the lies I told her, I had no right having anything with her ever again.

“And I appreciate you finally telling me about your issues from home. And I get it, parents can be assholes. Them not paying for your education because you have a girlfriend? That sucks.”

She started moving back toward me, but I was unsure how close I could get to her. I still couldn’t read the situation well. I didn’t know where I stood yet.

“Well, I put them through hell, so I’m trying to respect them.” The lies were just rolling off my tongue now. And the nausea was getting worse.

But she nodded in understanding, then came to stand right next to me. She had calmed, yet her face was still blotchy. I reached out to push her hair behind her ear, my finger grazing her cheek, hoping touching her would calm my nerves. Her eyes closed as I did. I kept my palm cradling her cheek until she opened her eyes. I then pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms around her.

“You feel like home, Ty,” she said into my chest.

Her words melted my heart. I hated that this moment was created from my cowardice, my inability to tell her what I needed to tell her. But I still felt she wasn’t ready to hear it.

I rested my chin on the top of her head, wishing this would never end, but knowing it had to. “Bec, I’m not sure where this puts us, but I’m still not going to push. I need you to let me know whatyouwant,whenyou want it.” I felt her nod under my chin.

“Ty, I have no idea what I want right now. I’m so confused. Give me time to let all of this sink in, ya know? I mean, I don’t know. We’ve been broken up for months. You didn’t call, you didn’t text. And now that I’m seeing someone else, you decide to come clean. I just wish you had done it on your own.” She let her head drop against my chest again but then let out a chuckle. “I guess I took my own advice,” she said.

“Huh?” I asked, completely confused.

“Nothin’,” she replied. “Never mind. Let’s let this sit, OK?” She pulled away again and looked up with a smile. “But this is good, Ty. Thank you.”

I pulled her close to me again, my arm around her shoulders.

The urge to kiss her, to reach down and kiss her, was so unbelievably strong I had to ball my hands into fists. My hands were clenched so tight that my short nails were digging into my palms. Giving in to these urges would jeopardize her trust, though, and I couldn’t do that.

It was bad enough I convinced her to talk to me.

Worse I fed her a line of bullshit lies.

But you better believe I was going to revel in the feeling of her being in my arms, the feel of her against my body. I was sure she could feel the rapid rate of my heart about to jump out of my chest, her ear firmly against me there. But I didn’t care.

Chapter 11

Becca

Five days. Five long days since I’d been with Gage by that pond. Well, let me dial that back. He drove me to campus a few times. And we met for coffee again once, but only coffee. But other than that, our schedules were not cooperating. And I’d been thinking about the time we spent together by the pond more times than I was willing to admit. Maybe doing a bit more than just thinking.

But then I saw Ty.

And Ty and I talked.

To say it confused me was an understatement. It shook me to the core, and I didn’t know which way was up.

Ty finally opened up to me. After all this time, he gave me what I’d been wanting. Of course, it took me being with someone else for him to do it, but that was beside the point.

“Wasn’t thatthepoint?” Lanie asked, breaking my concentration, though my thoughts were all muddled. We were lying on her bed together. “If I remember correctly, and they may not be your exact words, but you once told me,‘If you want him back even sooner, start talking to some other guys. Make him jealous.’I mean, you took your own advice, and it seemed to have worked.” Her smug smile wasn’t making me feel any better about the situation.

“Yeah, I don’t think I thought that through so well.”

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