Page 60 of The Fishermen

“Is sex all you think about?” I asked.

“No, it’s not,” he said seriously. “But I love having sex with you. And to be honest, I guess I feel like I have something to prove.”

“And what’s that?” I asked.

“That I’m a great lover. Abetterlover than most. That I can keep you satisfied. I don’t want you wanting for anything—or anyone—else,” he said.

“You don’t have anything to prove,” I assured him.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one trying to steal a married man. You get to just sit back and reap the benefits of my insecurities,” he said.

“Leland… That’s not—”

“I don’t have money or a fancy education. I can’t give you more children, and I have zero prospects, but I can take your cock like a champ, Franky. So let me,” he ended with a plea.

He’d rendered me mute. Leland and I were relatively truthful with each other, but this went beyond that, brutally so. Even after our talk last night, he still doubted me, doubted my commitment to him, and it also seemed he doubted his ability to hold on to me by means outside of sex. It made what I had to tell him all the more difficult.

“You’re my listening ear, Leland. You’re the friend I never knew I needed. You stroke my passion, yes, but we are about more than just sex.”

“I know,” he said, exhaling and combing a hand through his hair. “Between yesterday, then last night, and the early hours of the morning… It was a lot. I think I’m still coming down.”

“What happened yesterday? Did something go wrong in class?” In all the mayhem, I hadn’t even gotten to ask him how his first day went.

“It was fine,” he said, a little too quickly.

“You’ll have to tell me all about it later. Right now, I need to tell you something.”

“Sounds like I’m not going to like it,” he said, cocking a hip against the counter. The move jostled his already loose waistband, sending it lower, revealing a sliver of tanned skin at the root of his shaft.

I meant what I’d said to him a few minutes ago. Our relationship wasn’t based solely on sex, but Leland was a sexual creature. Every move he made suggested something, every look he gave dripped with desire, and almost every word uttered had a double meaning that could be tied back to fucking, or being fucked, or something equally as charged and orgasmic. He was vivacious in the bedroom, or on the floor, or forced up against a wall. His sexual energy knew no bounds.

“Let’s have a seat in the living room.” I chose the sofa. Leland chose to stand in a corner on the opposite side of the room, probably not trusting himself to be near me until he knew what was going on.

“What is it, Franky?”

“Selene texted me this morning. The boys are visiting in a few days—”

“Themenyou mean, right?” he said, cutting my sentence off at the knees.

“ColeandJasperwill be visiting,” I tried again. “It’s suppose to be a surprise—”

“For your birthday,” he said before I could, his impatience and agitation now a third entity in the room. This would be a fight.

“Yes,” I confirmed. “But given our current situation, she thought it would be best to make me aware of it now.”

“So what’s the plan?” he asked, folding his arms. “Will you ask Selene for a divorce before they get here? At least by then you two can present a united front when breaking it to them.”

“You know that’s not what’s going to happen,” I said with as much sensitivity and care as I could, but my own agitation began to rise to the occasion. He was being unreasonable, and his tone suggested he didn’t give a damn.

“Why not? She’ll use this time to try and get you back. She’ll realize she still wants you.”

“You can’t expect me to blindside her with this news and then expect me to crush my children all in a matter ofdays. Do you even care about what this will do to them?”

“Of course I care. I don’t want them to hate me, Franky,” he whispered, and it struck me that I had more than one battle ahead of me. Not only would I have to walk away from my marriage, and destroy my kids and beg for their forgiveness in the process, but I’d then need to introduce them to the man I set their world on fire for, and hope that we could all…get along.

“You’ll change your mind,” Leland continued, shaking his head manically, inspiring my own mania. This new realization made things more complicated, and I was losing my grip on the situation. “Regardless of what was said last night, if you go home and pretend everything is perfect, you’ll change your mind. You’ll reminisce about the good times over dinner. You’ll miss the parts of your life that weren’t so bad. You’ll wonder if you can make things work with her, wonder if you owe it to your sons to give your marriage one last chance. You’ll forget about me, Franky. I know you will.”

“No, I won’t. None of that is true. But I need more time,” I said, suddenly more conflicted than I’d ever been, and by the look of his wild gaze, my feelings had translated through my words.

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