Page 77 of Shattered Illusions

As Roxie watched Nina race up the stairs, probably to gather her things, she knew her friend was right. On any other day, she’d have jumped at the chance—or rather, jumped Joe. No questions, no hesitations.

But since she’d woken up with a wine headache pounding behind her temples, she’d been replaying everything in her head: the residual trauma from the Woodsworth ordeal that apparently still had the power to bring her to her knees, the damn photos that scared the crap out of her, Eli and whatever the hell was going on with him, the confusion that was her non-relationship relationship with Joe... All of it. She’d gone over every single minute detail. It had made her grumpy. Not to mention tense.

After her mini freak-out at the self-defense class, she’d been relieved when Joe had pulled her aside. He’d calmed her down. But he would have done that for anyone, right?

That’s what nagged at her. He hadn’t treated her any differently than he would anyone else. Not really. She’d have preferred him to wrap her in his arms and reassure her the way the hero does in romance movies. And yes, she probably would’ve bristled because she wasn’t a fan of PDA. But that would have been only on the outside, just for show.

On the inside, she would have loved it because then she’d have known where she stood with him. She knew that he enjoyed her in bed. That was obvious. And she knew they got along great because, after all, they’d known each other forever. But did his feelings for her run as deep as hers did for him?

Just now, he’d wrapped his arms around her and acted all sexy because he’d thought they were alone. Then, when they’d gotten caught, he’d let her go and turned on the Buchanan charm for Nina. Like what they had was for behind closed doors only.

From where Roxie stood, the lone thing that had changed between them was the sex. Aside from that, it was business as usual. Well... their new usual. They were no longer horrid to each other, and for the most part, they got along. Sure, they made the occasional smart-ass remark or two to each other, but they were back to being... friends.

Well, she didn’t want to be just friends with him. She didn’t want to have no-strings-attached sex with him, either. It was totally stupid of her to want so much—needy, as her parents would claim. But she couldn’t help it. She wanted more. She wanted to know that she was important to him.

Roxie stifled a groan.Jeez, how pathetic are you?

It was the truth, though.

She had seen Joe in relationships before and knew how he operated. He always kept it casual. He never made promises. Ever. But he was an absolute charmer, and as she’d recently found out, amazing in bed, so inevitably, the women he entertained always fell at his feet like little lovesick pups. When that happened, like clockwork, he’d back away, wish them well, and move on to the next woman.

She wrinkled her nose. That had sounded more callous than she’d meant it to. She knew he was always a gentleman during the breakup. Even when some of the women went I’ll-boil-your-bunny ballistic on him, he remained a gentleman.

Deep down, Roxie hoped she was different from all the others. She knew that because of their long friendship, because of their chemistry, because they lived together, she was. But only to a point.

Thus far, he’d made no promises to her. Not really. Well, at least not in terms of their relationship... or whatever was going on between them. And she highly doubted that any promises were forthcoming. If she got at all clingy, he’d probably take his usual step back and say sayonara.

But she couldn’t keep going like this. She couldn’t continue to casually sleep with him. That worked for some people, but not for her. Her heart was too involved. She also didn’t want to be that couple everyone raised their eyebrows at, the couple who were all hot and heavy for a month before fizzling out.

Roxie strived to be a strong, independent woman, one who was unconcerned about what other people thought. But she wasn’t a complete idiot; she knew her public image mattered. She was a well-known business owner. So, given the way gossip spread like wildfire in her little town, she’d not only been discreet in her past relationships, but she’d never seriously dated anyone who’d lived on Hudson. The only reputation she sought was that of a kind and savvy businesswoman. She wanted to be the local-girl-does-good story.

The realist in her was certain what Joe felt for her was lust. And when it faded away... because it always did... Roxie wasn’t sure she was capable of going back to being friends.

Joe was a good guy, and he’d eventually find The One. The thought soured her stomach. She wanted him to be happy, but she sure as hell couldn’t—wouldn’t—sit and watch as he fell in love with someone else. Last time she’d checked, she wasn’t a big fan of torture.

“Earth to Roxie?”

Startling, she turned to see Sheila and Nina, overnight bags in their hands.

“Are you okay?” Sheila asked, worry etched on her features.

“I’m fine,” Roxie murmured, embarrassment heating her face. She’d gotten lost down the overanalyzing rabbit hole and forgotten they were still here. “Sorry. I zoned out and didn’t hear you guys come downstairs.”

“Daydreaming of hunk-alicious, no doubt,” Nina chuckled.

Sheila sent them both questioning looks.

“I’ll fill you in when you drop me off at Comfort Food,” Nina said as she dragged Sheila to the door. “We have to hustle, or June will have my head. See you tomorrow, Roxie. Have a good day off!”

Great. Once Sheila heard about what Nina had seen, the gossip train would have its next passenger. Roxie wasn’t sure she was up for it. She didn’t think she could survive the little comments and passive-aggressive remarks that would be not-so-subtly dropped when things between her and Joe eventually ended. She definitely didn’t think she could survive the whispers behind her back when Joe started seeing someone else.

A chill raced down her spine.

Cut and run.

It was cowardly, yes. But like they’d told Nina last night, wasn’t it better to end things sooner rather than later? Before the stakes were raised?

Roxie knew it was the best thing. However, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

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