Page 118 of Switched At Birth

“Is that all the stuff?” Liam asks, bringing up the last of the boxes. I am using some of mom’s old cookware and dishes and towels for now. She made new quilts for Lainey and Collin, so they’d have a piece of grandma here and at the other house. They love their grandma’s quilts. This time she did a pink one for Lainey and a basketball pattern for Collin.

Liam and I have spent all day putting together beds for all the bedrooms. I have a sectional in the television room, along with a large TV on the wall, which was a bitch to put up. “I don’t know if I have it in me to build anymore shit today,” Liam states.

He’s still healing from his accident, though his leg isn’t as fucked up as they first thought.

I point to a cheap table I bought from Amazon. “I only have that left, but I can put it together tomorrow. Lainey and Collin won’t be here until the weekend anyway. After I speak with Ash to make arrangements.”

“I’m gonna miss you. My place will be very lonely without you in it.” He hides his face from me. We don’t talk about what has happened but it stops fucking now.

“Liam,” I call to him from one side of my kitchen. “This fucking sucks. I don’t deny it. We both think it’s wrong, yet the people we love so much are pushing for something we can’t give. I want to give in. I do. But shutting me out, not talking to me, your brother…”

He interrupts me, “But…”

I stop him before he’s able to say it. “Don’t fucking say it. You’re my fucking brother, no DNA test can tell us otherwise.”

“How is Ash dealing with this?” he asks. If anyone understands Liam, it’s my husband.

“We don’t really talk, and when we do, it ends up in an angsty conversation.”

“You have kids to think about, you know. I guess Tia and I are lucky that never happened.”

I hate seeing the pain on his face.

“I better leave. You overworked me. And I’m falling straight into bed when I get there.” He gives me our standard two arm bro hug, but this time I hold onto him a little tight. “I love you, Liam.”

“I love you too Noah.” He slides the door closed, and he’s gone. I’m alone in this large space. And more so, there are so many fucking memories of Ashton.

I have my art studio set up but it’s sparse considering everything is at the studio in our backyard, but I have what I need for now.

There’s a loud knock on the door, and I pull it back, expecting my brother. It’s my brother, but not the one I was raised with.

“So, it’s true?” he asks, crossing into the loft.

“What? And by all means, come on in, Ash.”

He pushes up on his feet to erase the two inches between us. “This. You moved back into your loft.”

I take in a calming breath. We’ve not seen each other since the day on the boat. “You wouldn’t let me have the kids overnight at Liam’s. I have a place now, and I can bring them here when they’re not in school.”

He stands still and quiet for a couple seconds. “You know what I think? You held onto this place, this entire time, looking for an out. Your safety net, your plan b. And here you are.”

I tilt my head down, the half inch separating us. “You think I predicted I’d married my twin brother, or that the brother I was raised with, fell in love with his sister? How could I have seen this coming?”

Ash acts as if he didn’t know it never sold. When we decided to lease it, it was only because I owned the loft out right and it covered our mortgage on our new house. Not that I needed the money, with my art selling faster than I can create it, and the inheritance from my grandpa.

“Maybe it’s not because you thought we were brothers. But something. You held onto it because you saw us ending and you wanted an out.”

This time, it’s not me pushing him into the wall, but he’s the aggressor. I come to a complete stop, almost knocking the wind out of me.

“Admit it, you never saw me as forever. Did you?”

“Ash,” I begin, “You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

“I don’t believe you.” He pauses for a brief second. “Are you going to try to fuck me again, an easy fuck, because that’s all I am to you?” Ash asks.

I kiss the top of his head. “Ash, you’re so much more than a fuck. You know that.”

“What am I to you then, Noah?”

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