Page 106 of Switched At Birth

Is this his way of telling me good bye?

“I’m not going anywhere, Noah. You’ll fuck me for the rest of my life. The rest of our fucking lives.”

He holds my hips and he finds a rhythm as every new thrust is deeper. “I love your ass, honey. I love your ass so much. Going to miss it.”

My heart drops. “Thisis notgoodbye because my ass will forever be yours, baby,” I growl.

“You know what I love more, than anything else on your body, Ash? Your heart, honey. I love your heart. It’s so pure, always so pure.”

He has to know I’m never leaving. “You’ll always own my heart, Noah. It’s yours. And only you can unlock it.”

His lips are on my neck. “I love you more than I can ever tell you, baby. I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person on this earth. You’re truly my other half. I just didn’t know how true that was.”

My body soars with him inside. He’s everything that is good in this world, and everything that is right with me.

“I’ll miss this the way we are, the life we built. I’ll miss everything that we have been to each other.” This is his goodbye—or it’s what he thinks. But, I have a fucking say in our lives too.

“Listen to me. I’m not going anywhere. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”

He pumps inside of me, and he’s frenzied, but he still speaks into my ear. “That’s what you think, little brother.”

He explodes inside of me, his words playing in my mind. He called me little brother. It’s what he always says to Liam.

His body pushes against me, shoving me further into the tree. “What did you just say, Noah?”

“You always wondered why we were so perfect for each other. It was more than fate. It was the world playing tricks on us. We weren’t made for one another. We were made together.” I can’t comprehend what he’s saying. “I told you once that you looked more like me than my own twin brother. And there’s a reason for it.You are my twin brother.”

He leaves me naked against the tree. I don’t understand him. I say it over a couple times until his words end my world as I know it.

41

Noah

I lefthim out by the tree, naked. I fucking left my soul mate—the man I’d die for—against an old tree. I was cruel, dropping the bomb on him like I had. I want him to hate me. Then maybe saying good-bye to one another won’t be so hard.

The moment Ashton Brooks appeared in my life, the stars aligned, and my world was bright. I wished for him, someone who was made just for me. But my wish has become my nightmare when I discovered his real name, the one his parents meant only for him.

He doesn’t have the facts like I do, and yet I retreated anyway, to our loft upstairs. I’d pulled out every heavy painting cloth I had up here in storage. In the early days I’d spend hours in this space, covering the upstairs with these cloths. Today, I’ve done nothing but draw scary shit. I look at my painting, after destroying my husband’s heart. I can see my pain in it. It’s a canvas full of faces, and each face is the same person, but each expression shows a different emotion.

I’d say it’s fucking brilliant if my own pain wasn’t reflected in the painting.

What have I done? What will become of us?

“NoahfuckingJames.” It’s Ash. I should have known he’s not going away. “You better get your fucking ass down here, or I’m going to drag you down by your fucking hair. I’m your fucking husband, and you owe me more than a hard fuck against a tree, and the lies thatwe’rebrothers.”

He has to know it’s the truth. The second my mom shared every part of our story, I didn’t have to ask if it was true. I didn’t need to see proof. I knew her story was just too crazy to fucking make up. This is now our truth.

I look over the loft, where Ashton waits for me. I see it so much clearer—his eyes meet mine, and the color of them, the thickness of his hair, his fear of needles, our shared interest in art. There are so many more things that should have been a clue of our true lineage.

“You know it’s true, Ash. In your heart, you know we’ve always been more than soulmates.”

He hides his eyes from me. It’s then I know he knows this is true.

“You owe me more than you just gave me. I’m your husband, at the end of the day, and that hasn’t changed. I’ll wait for you at our place down by the creek.”

He leaves. I’m alone, and yet my pain with his absence has never been greater.

* * *

---