Page 21 of Don't Date A DILF

“I’m busy tomorrow,” I said.

“Oh? I thought you’d be free on a Saturday.”

“Big school project, sorry.”

“Sunday—”

“Sunday I do trivia with a team,” I said.

“Oh, I see.” He sounded genuinely disappointed.

Guilt niggled at me. I didn’t really know Percy Helix except in passing. He was an okay looking guy, if a little conservative for my usual tastes, always clean-shaven and wearing nicely tailored suits. But then, that made sense given his profession.

If I kept pushing Percy off, he might give up. But then I’d have to deal with Nana’s sad face, not to mention even more setups. Maybe if I went out with Percy, she’d give it a rest for a while. At least it would show I had tried, right? And who knew? Maybe I’d actually like him.

“I guess, maybe…you could come along to trivia?” I said tentatively. “My friends will be there, but…”

“That sounds great! I love trivia.”

“Oh? Well, okay then, it’s a date.”

Maybe this wouldn’t be a disaster after all. Percy liked trivia. I liked trivia. Matches had been made with less common ground, right?

I could avoid an overly romantic first date with someone I really didn’t know and spread the joy of Nana’s setups with my asshole friends who found my predicament funny. We’d see how much they enjoyed it when the awkwardness spilled over onto them.

But what convinced me most of all was Maisie’s earlier teasing about my obsession with a certain DILF. With Toby in my program, my crush wasn’t really proper anymore. At least Percy wasn’t the father of a student.

I could appease Nana and focus my interest on another man.

Win-win.

CHAPTER6

CLARK

Percy Helix was late pickingme up for our trivia date, so when a dark car rolled up to the curb, I rushed out of the front door without thinking much about it. But halfway down the sidewalk, I faltered to a stop. Was that…a hearse?

Percy emerged from the driver’s side with a bouquet of lilies and carnations. He hurried up the walk and handed it to me. “Sorry I’m late! My other car wouldn’t start.”

I nodded and absentmindedly smelled the bouquet, my irritation at his lateness overtaken by the realization that, yes, Percy really had shown up to a date in a hearse.

“I could have driven. I told you I’d be happy to meet you at the pub.”

“No, sir. This is a proper date, which means a proper escort.” He nodded to the flowers in my hand. “Do you want to put those in some water before we leave? I just liberated them from the funeral home, so they’re fresh, but I wouldn’t want them to wilt during the date.”

I froze in the act of stroking one silky petal. “Wait. These aren’t from a service, are they?”

Percy puffed up. “One of the many perks of the job.”

“Right,” I said faintly. “I’ll just go…put them inside, then.”

I escaped into the house to put the funeral flowers in a vase with water. It wasn’t their fault they’d starred in a memorial service, after all, but I felt a little like a grave robber as I placed them in the center of my table. Mookie danced around my feet, excited to have me home, and I desperately wished I could stay in and give him all the loving he wanted.

I wouldn’t even mind missing trivia—though it was the highlight of my week—if it meant not going on this awkward-as-fuck date.

Before Percy arrived, I had second-guessed my decision to use my trivia team as a buffer. I’d wondered if I should suggest we go have dinner somewhere else instead, somewhere casual like the diner downtown. But now I needed the buffer, because showing up in a hearse with a dead person’s flowers? That was a sign that Percy was not going to be a nice, normal date.

When I returned, Percy stood next to the hearse, door held open for me.

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