Page 20 of Don't Date A DILF

I couldn’t help but laugh. She wasn’t wrong. And I supposed it wouldn’t hurt to be a little friendlier. I just had to be careful to maintain more boundaries than I had with Alexa. No hanging out at each other’s houses. No trips to the mall. Most of all, no sharing secrets that could get someone in trouble.

“You win,” I said. “Let’s go grab that dinner.”

“Excellent. So are we getting churros for dessert too?”

“Um…”

“Let me rephrase. I’ve been thinking about the dildo you mentioned, you know, in the note that didn’t say DILF. I was thinking I should call Paula and let her know you’re up for hosting a passion party or whatever they call it.”

“Fine, churros!” I agreed as I grabbed my coat with one last longing look at the mess of history decorating my floor. “You’re evil!”

She cackled. “Why, Clark, you’ve seen me grade term papers. I would think you already knew that!”

We drove separately to Taco Loco, a casual Mexican restaurant and bar just past downtown, so that I could run by my house and let out poor little Mookie—so named because he looked so much like a miniature wookie from Star Wars–—for a bathroom break. My neighbor, Rose, would usually check on him if I was gone too long; we had a standing agreement that she was Mookie’s godmother and could use my spare key anytime she liked, but I didn’t want to take advantage.

I changed into something a little more casual, exchanging the button-down and bowtie for a Mandalorian T-shirt—the star of the show, Pedro Pascal, was the hottest man ever, even when his face was covered all the darn time—then poured a scoop of kibble into Mookie’s bowl and snuck out while she was eating so I wouldn’t have to see her sad puppy dog eyes watching me leave her again.

Maisie was already seated at a booth across from the bar when I arrived, a pitcher of margaritas in the center of the table beside a bowl of chips and their homemade salsa.

“You weren’t kidding about the margaritas, huh?”

“Nope. It’s been a rough week of reading papers written by kids who don’t know that you can’t just use five commas in a sentence, and go on and on and on, and then go on some more, and then, oh yeah, add some more random thoughts at the end!”

I snickered. “I’m pretty sure you just spoke in a run-on sentence.”

She took a big gulp of the margarita. “Mmmm, Mama needed this.”

I sipped at mine, enjoying the sweet-sour taste of lime cut with tequila. I generally stuck with beer, knowing I was a lightweight, but I could change it up for one night. I grabbed a menu, which was all tacos—hence the name—and ordered the black-and-blue combo, two tacos with a mix of steak and blue cheese—when our server came by. Maisie plowed her way through most of the chips, then put in an order of three jumbo tacos, as well. The woman could eat, not that I was about to point it out. I might not date women, but I’d been raised by Nana, and I had three female cousins who were happy to educate me when I misspoke.

We’d polished off most of our plates and drunk a fair amount of tequila by the time my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but I gave my cell number to a lot of students.

I swallowed my last bite. “I should take this.”

“Go ahead, but I’ll shamelessly eavesdrop.”

“Yeah, somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” I raised the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Clark?”

“Yes.”

“Great! This is Percy Helix,” he said. “Your grandmother said you were dying to get to know me.” He chuckled at his joke. “Dying, get it? Just a little mortician humor there…”

I laughed weakly. “Yeah, funny.”

Percy Helix worked at Helix Final Homes, just the latest generation of his family to run Granville’s only mortuary. So I got his joke. But this was so not funny!

Had Nana actually given him my number? I was going to have to have a talk with her about boundaries. She’d been pushing me to date, and when cornered, I’d offered to give it a chance the next time she wanted to set something up. But I didn’t think she’d just pimp me out without so much as a by-your-leave.

“So, you’re calling because…”

“To set up our date, of course! I can’t wait.”

I was taken aback. Even if Nana gave him my number, I’d kind of expect him to ask if I was actually interested in dating. Then again, who the heck knew what Nana said.

Percy carried on, even though I hadn’t responded to his last comment. “I thought I’d pick you up and take you to The Dinner Bell tomorrow night.”

My heart lurched. Not with excitement but dismay. The Dinner Bell was one of the most romantic spots in Granville. People went there for anniversaries and wedding proposals. Even if I wanted to go on this date, and I wasn’t sure that I did, I’d never go there. Gossip would be bad enough without people marrying us off before we’d gotten through the first appetizer.

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