Page 40 of Tempting the Monster

My spine straightens. I could tell her all the ways every single man she’s hooked up with was wrong for her, but I don’t. Instead, I dip my chin in a single nod. Allison knows more about me than anyone else in this world. She also has never been anything other than kind to me, so I know that her words are more about concern than anything else. But I would be a liar if I said they didn’t hurt.

They do.

ChapterSixteen

PARKER

Allisonand I are two bottles deep into wine and have moved from the breakfast nook table to the living room. I’m sitting in my chair, where I’m the most comfortable, and she’s on the sofa, her body turned to face me, her feet in the cushions.

“Then the guy tells me that my debt-to-income ratio is not suitable. He also said that my idea was…not sustainable or a good fit for them in this economy. So, I’m fucked, and I better get my ass to a nine-to-five again.”

Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I scrape it across my skin and let out a heavy sigh. “Let me loan you the money,” I blurt out.

Allison gasps. It’s loud and causes me to jump slightly. Shifting my gaze to meet hers, I hold my breath for a moment and watch her. She shakes her head a couple of times, then lifts her glass to her lips and empties the contents.

“That’s not why I came here, Parker. That’s not why I told you,” she says, her voice coming out in a whisper. “I will still get my dream, but I can wait for a few more years. They said I’m too much of a risk, and honestly, I probably am. I have an idea, and I’ve done some research, but beyond that, I don’t have anything else.”

Reaching out, I touch her hand. “Allison, I have the money. It doesn’t do anything for me but sit there. I hardly even touch it. I can help you. Plus, I wouldn’t be giving you anything. It would be a loan.”

“I know.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “But no.”

I’m not sure how I should feel about this. I’m offering my friend something, but she won’t let me help her. I want to. I have nobody in my life except Allison. If there is anyone in this world who I want to be happy, it’s her.

“Please think about it,” I plead. “Let me help you.”

She shakes her head a couple of times, then reaches for the half-empty third bottle of wine on the table and pours herself another glass. I haven’t poured myself any wine in a while. I’m on my second glass, and that’s more than enough for me.

“Enough about me. Seriously, my shit is stupid. I’m going to go and find another secretary job, save my money, and I’ll be good. But you,” she announces, lifting her hand and extending a finger toward me, “you need real help.”

“I do?” I ask.

Her lips curve up into a grin. “Yeah, you do. What if this guy comes to your bed tonight? Are you going to let him fuck you? Because that’s what it will be. A fuck. It won’t be anything sexy and loving.”

Her words are brash and harsh, but they are the truth. I’m under no illusion that this man loves me. I just learned his name, and it’s obvious this isn’t a relationship of any kind between us. Lifting my glass to my lips, I take a drink, finishing it before I speak.

“I’m twenty-three years old,” I say. “I’ve never been kissed. I think at this point, love isn’t going to happen.”

“But do you want to do this with a stranger? And I’m sorry, but he could be really creepy, Parker. I mean, sure, he’s hot, and you know me, I have no issue with a good one-night stand, but this scares me for you.”

I open my mouth but close it quickly, mainly because I don’t know how to answer her. I don’t know how to respond. What I should say and what I want to say are two different things. So, instead of saying either, I just shrug a shoulder.

Then, I finally organize my thoughts and my words before I speak. “I want to just say that for the first time in my life, I’m going to let the cards fall where they may. I feel so much pressure and anxiety that it seems like there is no hope for me. I want more.”

Allison’s eyes soften, and I can read the pity in her gaze. I hate it, but I know it is what it is at the same time. I haven’t gotten the help I needed when I needed it. I should have been in counseling from the time I was six years old. Even if my aunt and uncle wouldn’t have paid for it or allowed it, then I should have gone when I turned eighteen.

But I didn’t.

And now I’m a twenty-three-year-old who has never been kissed and has a crush on her stalker who has already made it clear that he’s going to be coming into my condo in the middle of the night to fuck me… and I’m excited about it.

“I just want you to be happy,” she whispers.

Allison eventually leaves, swaying as she goes, but I can tell she wants to stay. My anxiety is better. I don’t want to call Doctor Hamilton right now. But at the same time, I feel like a gigantic failure. I know Allison didn’t mean to make me feel that way, but it’s what happens when I truly sit down and think about my life.

Closing down the condo, I lock the doors and clean up the kitchen and living room from the evening with Allison. Then I take a long hot shower and walk through the bedroom naked before I make my way to the dresser.

I have sexy underthings. Even when I know nobody will see them, I still like having silk things to wear to bed. But this feels different. This feels like I’m dressing for somebody else, not just myself, and now I’m not sure what exactly I should be choosing.

I scrape my teeth across my lip, finding a piece of skin to rip off before I reach for the raspberry-colored silk nightie with matching panties. Once I’m dressed, I brush out my hair and slip into bed.

---