Page 66 of The Curse Defiers

“You could have sent them away with your mark if he hadn’t shown up.”

Was David right? Should I have just sent them away instead of trying to destroy them? I still wasn’t sure I would have gotten the vortex open in time to protect us all, and I couldn’t have done both. But my decision had led to Allison’s death, even if it had probably saved many other people. “I’m sorry.”

He held me close. “You did everything you could, Ellie.”

“Did I?”

“You can’t second-guess yourself. You managed to tap into your power as a witness to creation by trusting your instinct, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all you really have to rely on—instinct. I suggested that you use the ring and you automatically dismissed it.”

“I’m sorry.”

He tipped my chin up. “Don’t even think of saying you’re sorry again. It’s good that you’ve been following your gut. My suggestions are merely suggestions. I had no other ideas to offer. Thank God for Tsagasi.”

“I never even considered that I might have additional power from being a witness to creation. It’s stupid when I think about it.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, but you’re right. Everyone wants you for that very power, so it makes sense. But you need to practice with it and see what else you can do.”

I nodded, relaxing into his chest. I rested there for several moments, listening to the soft rhythm of his heartbeat in my ear.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I treated you so badly tonight.”

I tilted my face up and kissed him. “It’s okay.”

“No. It isnot.”

“David…”

“I said some ugly, hurtful things that I wish I could unsay.”

“You had every right to say them. They’re all true.” He started to protest. “No, I have ruined your life. I killed Allison.”

“Ellie.”

“It’s true. I wish it wasn’t, but it is. I’m giving you a last out, despite what I said earlier. I need you, and the thought of living without you…” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But I don’t want you to stay with me out of guilt or obligation. Things got real tonight, and I suspect it’s only a preview of what’s to come. I won’t hold it against you if you decide that this is too much.”

He slowly shook his head. “I can’t go back now. I told you that earlier, even if it was in the most hateful way possible. Even if I could go back to my old life, I wouldn’t want to.” He lightly rubbed my arm. “Nothing of great worth comes without a price.”

“The cost is too much.”

“That’s for me to decide, love.”

I rested in his arms, both of us nearly asleep. “Did Allison show you her big secret? The reason we came to Chapel Hill in the first place?”

“No.” His arms tightened around me. “She refused to tell me. She said she’d only tell you if I broke up with you. I have no idea what it was.”

“She died for nothing.” My voice broke again.

“Ellie, enough.” His words were sterner than usual. “This will eat you alive if you let it. There’s enough guilt to go around, but I’m not blaming you. And if you continue to blame yourself, you could jeopardize our safety. Get it all out of your system now and let it go.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Nothing about this is.” He kissed my forehead. “Try to get some sleep.”

I lay in his arms, terrified as he fell asleep. The doors were marked. We were safe. But for how long? How long would I be able to protect him?

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