And now, as we’re stumbling back into our hotel room, it occurs to me that I don’t remember what I was trying to forget, so I guess it worked.
I kick off my shoes and collapse onto the nearest bed while Alex disappears into the bathroom and comes back with two cups of water.
“Drink this,” he says. I grunt and try to swat his hand away. “Poppy,” he says more firmly, and I brattily push myself upright and accept the cup of water. He sits on the bed beside me until I’ve drained my glass, then goes back to refill both of them.
I’m not sure how many times he does this—I’m edging closer to sleep all the while. All I know is that eventually, he sets the glasses aside and starts to stand up, and from my half-dream, full-drunk state, I reach for his arm and say, “Don’t go.”
He settles back down on the bed and lies beside me. I fall asleep curled up against his side and when I wake up the next morning to my alarm going off, he’s already in the shower.
The humiliation at having made him sleep next to me is instantaneous and flaming hot. I know right then I can’t break up with Julian when I get home. I have to wait, long enough to be sure I’m not confused. Long enough that Alex won’t think the two events are connected.
They’re not, I think. I’m pretty sure they’re not.
16
This Summer
I FIND A TWENTY-FOUR-HOURpharmacy in Palm Springs and drive toward it through the first soft rays of sunrise. Afterward, I get back to the apartment before most other stores have opened. By then the parking lot of the Desert Rose has started to bake again, and the cool hours of predawn shrink to a distant memory as I climb the steps, loaded with grocery bags.
“How are you doing?” I ask Alex as I shut the door behind me.
“Better.” He forces a smile. “Thanks.”
Liar. His pain is written all over his face. He’s worse at hiding that than his emotions. I put the two ice packs I bought into the freezer, then go to the bed and plug in the heating pad. “Lean forward,” I say, and Alex shifts enough for me to slide the pad down the stack of pillows where it can sit across his midback. I touch his shoulder, helping to slow his descent as he leans back. His skin is so warm. I’m sure the heating pad won’t becomfortable, but hopefully it will do the trick, warming the muscle until it relaxes.
In half an hour, we’ll switch to the ice pack to try to bring down any inflammation.
I may have read up on back spasms in the quiet, fluorescent-lit aisles of the drugstore.
“I’ve got some Icy Hot too,” I say. “Does that ever help?”
“Maybe,” he says.
“Well, it’s worth a try. I guess I should’ve thought of that before you leaned back and got comfortable again.”
“It’s fine,” he says, wincing. “I never really get comfortable when this happens. I just sort of wait for the medicine to knock me out, and by the time I wake up, I usually feel a lot better.”
I slide off the edge of the bed and gather the rest of the bags, carrying them back to him. “How long does it last?”
“Usually just a day if I stay still,” he says. “I’ll have to be careful tomorrow, but I’ll be able to move around. You should go do something you know I’d hate.” He forces another smile.
I ignore the comment and search through the bag until I find the Icy Hot. “Need help leaning forward again?”
“No, I’m good.” But the face he makes suggests otherwise, so I shift beside him, take his shoulders in my hands, and slowly help him ease upright.
“I feel like you’re my nurse right now,” he says bitterly.
“Like, in a hot and sexy way?” I say, trying to lighten his mood.
“In a sad-old-man-who-can’t-take-care-of-himself way,” he says.
“You own a house,” I say. “I bet you even ripped the carpet out of the bathroom.”
“I did,” he agrees.
“Clearly you can take care of yourself,” I say. “I can’t even keep a houseplant alive.”
“That’s because you’re never home,” he says.